What Do Men Want: 30 Things Men Just Don’t Want in a Relationship

One of the hardest questions to answer is what do men want? Complex creatures, they don’t always know themselves, but they do know what they don’t.

what do men want

Do you ever ask yourself what do men want? They seem to say they want one thing, but when they have it, no longer want it. Like any creature, sometimes what we think we really want, once obtained, is not what we thought it would be.

That leads to disillusionment. The problem is women continually look to please that guy in our life, and sometimes it feels like no matter what we do, it isn’t right. That leads to feelings of failure and frustration.

Many guys have absolutely no idea what they want. It isn’t that they are keeping a secret from you. Or that they know, and they don’t want to tell you. They literally aren’t in touch with their own emotions enough to know what it is that they want from life, from their career, and even, yes, from you.

We know they want sex, but besides that, what do they want from us besides clean laundry and a hot meal?

What do men want – Well, here are 30 things he doesn’t want you to do!

There are days when I feel as if I could disappear and my husband wouldn’t even notice. The good and the bad news is I know I am not alone. Many women I know struggle with the same confusion about what it is that the men in their lives want.

Seemingly a hot bed of confusion and irritation, I may not know what they do want, but I can definitely tell you what they don’t.

By default, if you avoid doing these things, you will be giving a guy exactly what he wants whether he admits it or not. If he still isn’t happy, then it is all on him.

#1 Mother him. Guys already have a mother. Whether they like her or not, they certainly don’t want to live with her again *unless they actually do*. A guy likes to feel in control and powerful, and treating him like a two-year-old, is not what he wants from the woman he loves. [Read: How to be a good girlfriend – 10 things you HAVE to do]

#2 Meddle in every part of his life. Men like to keep some anonymity in the relationship. Not all guys are as self-disclosed as women. That leads to a lot of misunderstanding between the sexes.

If he keeps things from you, it feels like he isn’t honest or trustworthy, but he may just be trying to hold onto a little piece of himself for fear he is losing everything in the relationship.

#3 Try to control him. No men like to be led around by the nose or told what to do. Even if women thinks it is cute, the “honey do” list isn’t funny or something that guys like. They don’t like to be boxed in or pressured. Being a man means he is the king of his castle. He doesn’t want a queen to continually knock him off his throne.

#4 Make decisions for him. Once in a while they are okay when you plan a weekend for them, but on the whole, they like to make decisions for themselves. If they say “I don’t care,” what they mean is “I don’t want to deal with it.” Those are two very separate things. When possible, try not to make decisions for him that he can make himself.

#5 Try to change him. Although seemingly clueless, men are pretty intuitive creatures. They don’t like when you try to change them. Women have this need to shine our guys up and make them all polished. That is not what they want. They want you to love them for who they are, faults and all, same as you. [Read: 30 facts about guys that can help you read their mind]

#6 You set him up on play dates. No guy wants to hang out with your girlfriend’s boyfriend just because. I know it is hard to find couple friends you both get along with, but men don’t like to be forced together if they don’t have much in common.

While you ladies are chatting it up, the guys check their watches and resent you for parading them around like children in need of pity friends.

#7 Ask all the questions you do. Questions make men uncomfortable. Not the day-to-day, but those intended to get below the surface to feelings. They don’t want you to continue to question all the damn time!

 #8 Have a laundry list of all the things wrong. Guys don’t want to hear about all the things that went wrong, all the ways they screwed up, all the things broken and needing to be fixed, or all the things they did wrong.

Try to be less critical to make him happy and point out the good things he has done. [Read: 8 ways to less critical of the people around you]

#9 Treat him like one of your girlfriends. What do men want? Well, for starters, he doesn’t care if Jennifer was a total bitch today at work… save it for your girlfriends. He would rather you shh…

#10 Dress him. He is a grown damn man, let him dress himself. If you don’t let him feel accomplished enough to know how to look in public, then love him for looking like an idiot.

#11 Embarrass him or tell people things about him. Even if it was hilarious that he fell over in the tub drunk last weekend, and you found him in his own pee, he doesn’t want you to tell the story to other people… especially when he is standing right there.

#12 Text him passive aggressive messages. What do we do when we feel like we can’t talk to him or aren’t being heard? Yep, the passive aggressive text messages. Don’t do that, just don’t. [Read: How Facebook ruins relationships – 15 things to remember]

#13 See you so unhappy all the time. A guy wants his woman to be happy. He feels like it is his personal responsibility to make his woman feel satisfied like a caveman dragging his female back to the den. Even if you are going through a rough time try to explain that it isn’t him that is making you so unhappy.

#15 See a chick flick with you. I love The Notebook, you love The Notebook. Does he? If he’s a guy who’s in touch with his sensitive feminine energy, that’s great, but if he isn’t, don’t push him to watch something he doesn’t want to.

#16 Go shopping at the mall with you. Not all men are interested in this, nor do all me feel comfortable holding your purse, or some men even find it uncomfortable to compliment you on your new shoes.

#17 Wear sweatpants 24/7. You should feel comfortable with the guy in your life, but comfortable doesn’t mean you put on ten pounds and resign to your sweatpants uniform. He wants someone to at least try to look the way they did when they met you. [Read: How to be a better girlfriend – 30 relationship changers]

#18 Come to guys night out. If you weren’t invited along it was because it is for guys, you aren’t invited.

#19 Pressure him into a long term relationship. No guy wants to feel like they are forced into a long term relationship. If you want to know what guys want, they want to make the decision about where their own relationship is headed, not be led there. [Read: Want to be irresistible to men? 14 tips to hook the guy]

#20 Think he is thinking something. Can you imagine? You are quiet, but there is nothing going on upstairs. That doesn’t happen for us. If we are quiet, our heads are talking a mile a minute. Stop worrying his silence means he is upset, angry, or thinking about how bad sex was. He really cannot think anything at all, strange but true.

#21 Have vanilla forever. Even for a monogamous man, having sex the same way, with the same woman every night of his life, becomes old. A man wants you to be sexy and shake things up once in a while. They want you to be experimental, open, and sometimes a vixen. Sometimes they want both chocolate and strawberry. [Read: 12 ways to take your sex life from vanilla to OMFG!!!]

#22 Live with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. That week during the month is pretty brutal, isn’t it? It is for a guy too. As hard as it is for you to go through the roller coaster, at least you know what the date is. Most guys can’t remember your anniversary let alone keep up with your cycle. A guy doesn’t want to come home to Sybil once a month.

#23 Create drama. Whether it is with his mom, his friends, or his family, a guy just wants peace. Mind you, I completely understand that it is likely his relationship with his family that is driving the conflict and leaving your ass hanging out wide. When possible, step out of the drama and take the high road. [Read: 20 crucial girl code rules for a less drama-filled life]

#24 Disappointed in him. Underneath the tough exterior of every guy is the little boy hiding inside. Most of all, guys don’t want you to be disappointed in them. They want you to think highly of them, trust them, and think they are both competent and capable. [Read: 14 things you say or do that emasculates your man]

#25 Dote over them. Unless sick, guys don’t want you to be all up in their face. It is okay to make a big deal of them once in a while, but continually sacrificing yourself for their needs makes them feel like they are taking advantage, and no one can feel good about taking advantage of someone else.

#26 See you so angry. If you have crazy eyes that flip the switch, that is something that guys can’t handle. Want to see a guy run? Crazy eyes are a sure fire way. Unfortunately, it is a cycle in some relationships due to personality styles. If you want to know what he wants, it is a woman who handles her emotions and simply tells him to f*ck off without being so damn mad!

#27 See you cry. Men hate to see women cry. Just like a woman can’t stand to hear her own infant cry, his protective nature hates when you do it. Of course, you have to cry, but don’t use it against him, your cry is like kryptonite.

#28 Unconditionally love him. A guy wants what you do, unconditional love. Hey, we all mess up, we all do. A man just wants to know that as much of an asshole as he can be, as stupid as his decisions can be, and when he really f*cks up, you will still be there to love him.

#29 Overspend. Guys want to feel like they can provide. When you are out spending all the joint money on things like shoes, that doesn’t make him happy. What a guy wants is for you to think about how spending money puts pressure on him to work harder. [Read: How to fix a broken relationship: 15 tips to make it last]

#30 Peace. If men want one thing, it is peace. He doesn’t want to argue, fight, or to be confrontational. He just wants stability, security, and someone he knows will love him forever.

Men are very complex creatures. So to answer the question what do they want is difficult because they want something different at every stage and every age in life. If you want to know what they want, think about what you want, and likely they want the same thing.

[Read: What to look for in a guy: 20 things that matter beyond looks]

You both want to be appreciated, loved unconditionally, stable, and happy by being with someone who is happy. So what do men want in a woman, or from a relationship? Well, while there is no easy answer there, these 30 things are what men don’t want in their life.

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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