10 Clearest Signs He’s Avoiding You and Has Something On His Mind

Looking for signs about anything in a relationship is not a clear-cut science, but you can discover the signs he’s avoiding you. Here is how.

signs he's avoiding you

If you were hunting down this article in the first place, you are wondering if your man is avoiding you. From experience, I can help you figure out the signs he’s avoiding you.

Let me tell you a story. At 20, I had a boyfriend for six months. After a minor fight, he told me he could never break up with me. I was too special. And I just drank that up like a fresh glass of lemonade.

About a week later, something started to feel off to me. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it. He would answer texts and phone calls, we would have lunch together, make plans, but there was a distance I just could not describe at the time.

A few days into this we were walking and he says, “we have to talk.” My stomach dropped. All those odd feelings I had had all week came to a head, and I knew. He was dumping me. Looking back he was clearly avoiding me that entire week, I just didn’t want to see it or admit it to myself. [Read: The things immature men will do and how to avoid them]

So you think he’s avoiding you

I hope this doesn’t ruin the whole article for you, but if you think he’s avoiding you, you are probably right. There is a good chance he is.

Now, that does not mean your story will be the same as mine. Men avoid us for many different reasons; some of which are actually sweet. And lots of guys are actually extra intimate before they break up with you, so avoiding you does not always mean something bad.

Why might he be avoiding you?

On top of being nervous to break your heart, a guy might be avoiding you because he cheated. I know, I know, that is no better. He either doesn’t know how to look you in the eye without blurting out the truth, or he doesn’t want you to catch him.

Another reason he is avoiding you is that he has a surprise. He could be planning a party, bought you an expensive gift, or may even be planning to propose. Guys sometimes even pull away on purpose before taking the next step to shock you even more so. I know, what are they thinking? [Read: 23 signs you’re dating an immature manchild]

The most obvious signs he’s avoiding you

Being on the lookout for signs he’s avoiding you can make you paranoid. You can find the smallest and most innocent thing sketchy if you want. So even though you are trying to figure out if something is up, remember to keep your head on straight and live in reality, not fantasy.

#1 He takes longer to text back. If he is usually a great texter that responds back to you ASAP but has recently been taking upwards of 30 minutes to answer a simple question, something might be up. He might be at work or sleeping or showering, but if this is becoming a regular thing, he may be avoiding you.

Plus, if you know he is on his phone because he is liking posts on Instagram or retweeting memes on Twitter, but isn’t answering, you may have a reason to worry. [Read: The good, the bad, and the ugly when using social media in your relationship]

#2 He responds with short or one word answers. Maybe he isn’t at the point where he isn’t answering at all, but rather he is answering with short responses. Maybe he says fine, okay, or yeah, rather than saying anything that would continue the conversation. If so, he is avoiding you for one reason or another. [Read: 16 reasons why your boyfriend is so mean]

#3 He rushes you off the phone. When you are dating a guy, you like to chat on the phone. The flirting is better, you can actually hear the emotion in their voice, plus it is way more personal than texting.

But if every time you call, he tells you his phone is dying, he can’t hear you, or has one of a million lame excuses, he is avoiding talking to you. This was something that happened multiple times the week before I was dumped. We would be talking on the phone and it always seemed like he had me on mute and would then rush off.

#4 He cancels plans last minute. Guys are the kings of avoiding confrontation and awkwardness. Trust me, I have three brothers. So instead of telling you, he doesn’t want to go do this or that he will wait until the last minute to cancel.

Of course, this gets us angrier, but there is less time for you to ask why he’s canceling or discuss it if he does it minutes before your plans were actually supposed to happen. Yes, some guys do this anyway, but if it happens more than once in a week he is avoiding you.

#5 He gives the same excuse. Guys who are avoiding you will be full of excuses. They have excuses for not texting, not calling back, not seeing you, etc. But often they rotate the same three or so excuses. Something like work is crazy or I fell asleep will be on top of that list.

He may be avoiding you, but that does not mean he is creative.

#6 He keeps his distance, physically. My ex and I were very touchy-feely. What can I say? I love me some PDA. But in that last week of our relationship, while we spent time together, he wouldn’t hold my hand even if we started walking, that way he would have to hold something in that hand or check his phone continuously.

Things became very surface level. [Read: The obvious hints a guy gives when he wants more space]

#7 He stopped liking your Instagram posts or watching your stories. When you are into someone, you are all over their social media. You watch their snaps and stories, you like their posts, and even comment the heart eyes emoji here and there. Yes, once couples get comfy this can die down, but not entirely.

If he doesn’t check your story when he is with you, you are fine. But if he doesn’t show up on your posts and isn’t watching your stories consistently he is avoiding you, even virtually.

#8 He claims nothing is wrong. So you got sick and tired of trying to read the signs he’s avoiding you and straight up asked him what the deal is. First of all, good for you. Second of all, I am sure he didn’t give you a legitimate answer. He probably either gave a generic excuse or just said you’re being paranoid.

Guys just love to make us feel crazy, even though we have a logical reason to question his odd behavior.

#9 You catch them lying. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Well, lately his pants have all had burn holes because he lies consistently, but about nothing. What does that mean?

He may not be lying about anything major, but he lies about where he is, even if he’s just with his friends. Why? Because he doesn’t want you to show up. If he lies about sleeping when he is playing Fortnite, he may just want to play without your texts popping up. But if you notice this behavior repeatedly, something is up. [Read: Questions to ask a guy if you think he is not being truthful]

#10 He doesn’t make eye contact. This is a small but subtle sign he’s avoiding you. It is so easily overlooked. And this is the one I didn’t see until it was too late. In fact, I noticed it right before he said anything, and I said, “you’re breaking up with me.” He was shocked that I had figured it out.

These signs may not tell all, but they certainly do tell a lot. So, if you notice he can’t seem to look you in the eye, something is definitely going on. You deserve to know what it is.

[Read: 12 reasons your man is acting distant and what you can do about it]

Here’s to hoping he’s not avoiding you. But if you discovered signs he’s avoiding you, I’m sorry. The next step, figure out why and do something about it.

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...