23 Early Signs of a Possessive Man & the Best Ways to Fix It ASAP

Red flag alert! If notice these early signs of a possessive man, it is better to get out now before he becomes a possessive boyfriend.

easy signs of a possessive man

In the past, men did actually own women in a way, from owning property to having a say over what they did and more. But women have come far in our liberation. Apparently, some men haven’t gotten the memo that women and men are equals. Watch out for these early signs of a possessive man so he doesn’t become a possessive boyfriend.

Being with a guy like this can really mess you up. It can lead to low self-esteem, trust issues, and even anxiety or depression. So no matter how much you think he’ll change or that things will get better, don’t let a possessive man overpower you.

Stay alert to the early signs of a possessive man. It’s pretty easy to know for sure once you know just what to keep an eye on.

[Read: 23 signs of a controlling boyfriend most girls don’t see]

Why are some men so possessive?

Does it really matter? When a man acts as if he has this right to control you, he isn’t worth trying to figure out. Maybe he is insanely jealous due to trust issues or is afraid of abandonment. Does that excuse possessive behavior? No. Not in the slightest.

And you letting him become a possessive boyfriend will not change him, fix him, or save him.

Yes, he may have some baggage, but that is not your concern. If he doesn’t realize that the way he is behaving is wrong, sexist, and horribly outdated, he doesn’t deserve you or any woman. [Read: 22 early warning signs to recognize a bad boyfriend immediately]

When will you start to notice these early signs of a possessive man?

As early as the first date. If you’re looking for the signs, you can see them almost immediately. Now, some guys know they tend to be possessive. So, they will be on their sneaky best behavior until you let your guard down.

You might start dating him, and then it all comes out, and you can see the possessive boyfriend side of his. No matter how hard he tries, a possessive man won’t be able to hide his overbearing ways for long. [Read: 16 Types of guys not to date]

The early signs of a possessive man

Whether you are headed out on a first date, settling into a full-on relationship, or just in the flirting stage, picking up on these early signs of a possessive man will save you a lot of time, trouble, and possibly a painful heartbreak.

The best way to avoid a possessive man before becoming a possessive boyfriend is to know that he is one before it is too late.

1. He interrupts you when you’re with other people, especially men

This is a telltale sign early on that he is possessive. It will only get worse. If you’re at a party and went over to talk to some people and he hovers around you or pulls you away, that is not a good sign.

Yes, he may be worried about another guy, but that is no reason to limit your social interactions. And if he does this when you’re talking with your girlfriends, that is an even bigger and brighter red flag. [Read: 18 signs you’re being coerced into a controlling relationship]

2. He is jealous

Jealousy is something a lot of people deal with. If you’ve been cheated on, you probably get it, but there are levels to this.

A person with slight trust issues may worry about your best male friend, or question you befriending an ex. But a possessive guy will do more than question.

He will want to check your phone, forbid you from seeing these guys, or even make you block them on social media. Chatting with your male friends online and hanging out with a group that includes guys should not make a slightly jealous guy crazy, but a possessive one, for sure. [Read: How to make a jealous boyfriend not-so-jealous]

3. He wants to know who you’re with

If he calls you when you’re not together to find out what you’re doing, it can come off as sweet. After all, he’s checking in, but if he is always asking who you’re with, that is an early sign of a possessive man. *more like an immature possessive boy!*

He may even go as far as FaceTiming you so he can make sure you are, in fact, with your mom or girlfriend. He wants to make sure he knows exactly what you’re doing and who you’re with at all times. A healthy relationship requires trust and independence, not domination.

4. He wants you to cover up

Maybe on your first date, he told you how nice you look in that strapless dress. But you wore a tank top and shorts on your third date, and he insisted you wear his jacket to cover up. He may use the excuse that he doesn’t want you to be cold or for other guys to stare, but…

This is a man that wants you for himself, and not in a romantic way. He isn’t protecting you from wandering eyes for your sake but his own.

This possessive boyfriend wants to be the only one who gets to see you looking good. He doesn’t want you to put effort into how you look if anyone else can see you. [Read: 18 clear signs of a very dominating boyfriend]

5. He expects you to choose him first

Say you have plans with your friends, your sister, or even your parents, but he asked you to do something. He expects you to cancel your plans to see him.

He doesn’t care if you would be meeting a group of friends that included guys, but even if you were shopping with your mother, he wants you always to choose him first.

6. You have to prove your loyalty, but he doesn’t

This is something a lot of women struggle with. You may reach out to him, but he doesn’t answer for hours, and it is no big deal. But, God forbid, you miss his call while in the shower. You never hear the end of it.

He requires you to take his opinions to heart and compromise, but he will never do the same. [Read: Why these double standards in a relationship are toxic]

7. He doesn’t want you going out with the girls or talking about your relationship

If you are at the point where you are introducing one another to your friends, but he doesn’t want to meet yours, there is a reason for that, and not a good one. Men know that girls talk. They also know that your friends can see what you may be blind to.

So, not only does he refuse to meet your friends, but he may also insist you stay private with any relationship issues. If you were to go complaining to a friend, she may open your eyes and encourage you to end it or regain your own power. He does not want that.

If he goes as far as to convince you your friends are no good for you, it is because he is a possessive boyfriend. He wants you for himself. If you notice that you’ve been drifting from your friends since you’ve been with him, he is most likely the culprit. And in reality, he is the one you should run from.

8. He wants you to be private, but he also wants everyone to know you’re his

He doesn’t want you gossiping about him or your relationship with anyone. But at the same time, he also wants everyone to know you are together. Or that you are “his.”

He may not want you to gab to your friends or family, but he insists you consistently post photos of you two online. Then, everyone knows you’re taken. [Read: How to handle controlling behavior in a relationship without giving in]

9. He may come across old-fashioned and gentlemanly at first

This is how these guys pin you down and make you vulnerable. A possessive man can seem refreshing at first. He may open your door, insist on paying, and even come across wonderfully to your family.

But this is how he digs in. He is laying down the groundwork so that you don’t question what is to come. Or when you start to see his possessive side, you say to yourself, but he is so nice or cares so much. All the manners in the world cannot excuse a possessive man. [Read: The biggest signs of a possessive and jealous boyfriend]

10. He’s the main character

A relationship is about two people, but an early sign of a possessive boyfriend is that everything revolves around him. You do what he wants, go where he wants to go, and even eat what he wants.

When you ask him to go out with your friends or family, he has no interest. He is the center of the relationship, and you just revolve around him.

11. He’s charming

This sounds good, but a possessive man is often charming. This is how he tricks you into giving in to his possessiveness.

He is a talented actor, and he makes you feel guilty for things you didn’t do. He convinces you everything he does is for you or the health of your relationship.

Whether he is super handsome or not, he knows how to get you to do things for him with a smirk or a wink. And he can often control others in the same way. [Read: What makes someone a player? 15 sly signs of a player]

12. You give in

If you usually are super independent and stand up for yourself, you are probably used to that. But, with him, you give in. You find yourself not just compromising but leaning to his every desire. And eventually, you find yourself becoming his girlfriend, but you lose yourself and who you are in the process.

This behavior can start early. At first, you think you’re polite or nice by letting him choose the movie or food, but it gets out of hand fast.

13. He’s all over your social media

Not only will he like your photos and comment, but he will make it obvious he is your boyfriend.

He will comment things like, “My girl is so sexy,” so other guys know you’re taken. He may have an issue with you posting photos that are “too” sexy. He will also be looking out for what you like or comment on. [Read: A thin line between controlling and caring and how possessive people cross it]

14. He hates when you’re clingy

He is the master of cling, but he tells you that you are weak or needy, and it isn’t a good look if you act clingy. Not only is he a hypocrite, but he’s possessive without letting you be the same way. He can’t be someone’s, but you can and must be his.

15. He’s clingy

He clings to you like glue or tape or a magnet. He needs to be in constant communication with you. A possessive boyfriend will carry you around like you carry your purse. He wants you in his sightlines all the time. Think about a helicopter parent. He is a helicopter boyfriend.

16. He pulls you away from friends and family

As you start dating a possessive man, you will notice that he pulls you away from the others in your life. He wants to be your #1.

He will guilt you into canceling plans with friends and family to see him. If you complain about a parent or sibling, he won’t try to help. Instead, he will try to push you further apart, so you fall into his arms and isolate yourself from everyone else. [Read: The 21 biggest signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

17. He ignores your boundaries

We all have boundaries. Whether you don’t want him looking at your texts or just need some privacy, he ignores it all.

Of course, you can’t look at his phone, but he claims he has every right to look at yours. He reaches out when you’re at work or sleeping. He doesn’t care when you need your time.

18. He uses care and love as excuses

When he treats you badly, or lashes out, he explains it away by saying he just likes you much. He will say he is jealous because he is afraid to lose you. He will freak out at things because he’s never felt like this before. He will try to make you think his intense emotions can excuse his behavior.

A possessive boyfriend knows exactly what he’s doing, but he tries to pull the carpet from under you using the guise of true love and concern for you. [Read: How do narcissists control you so subtly? And why do you allow them?]

19. He is suspicious of your behavior

He isn’t just jealous and possessive. This man shows signs of suspicion too. He will accuse you of lying or cheating, or being sketchy. He asks where you’ve been and who you’re with all the time.

A possessive boyfriend thinks he has every right to know everything about you because he views you as his property. [Read: Why your boyfriend doesn’t trust you and the different ways to deal with this]

20. He is easily frustrated

A possessive man tends to have other bad qualities like anger. He will get mad and get mad fast. He gets frustrated when he asks you to do something, and you’re late or make a mistake.

He even gets down on himself so that you will comfort him. He is the type to be violent or even hit a wall in anger.

21. He threatens you

If he threatens you physically, run away, don’t walk.

But sometimes, a possessive boyfriend is more psychological than physical. He will threaten to leave you, claim you have no other romantic options, or even threaten to tell other guys bad things about you. Never send a personal photo to him because he is the type to blackmail you into staying. [Read: 15 scary signs you’re in a toxic relationship that’s slowly breaking you]

22. He seems sweet

A possessive guy can come off as sweet in the early days of dating. He seems so romantic and even like a gentleman. He will give you flowers and say nice things. He may even be so sweet it almost seems really intense or like it’s all happening so fast.

But this is all a game. He is trying to rope you in with this so that you fall hard and fast and have trouble walking away with things get bad. [Read: What is love bombing and the 5 quickest signs to spot it instantly]

23. He’s manipulative

A manipulative guy is very hard to catch. They are often so good at manipulation, you don’t even realize that he is doing it. But if he has done any of the following things while sliding under your possessive man radar, he is manipulating you. 

If you questioned his loyalty and he turned it around on you, so you end up apologizing, he is manipulating you. When a possessive boyfriend guilts you into anything, he is manipulating you. If he uses his love or worry for you as a reason to keep you to himself, he is manipulating you.

And manipulation is just another way he tries to overpower you, as he would his property. 

[Read: How to handle controlling behavior in a relationship and turn it around]

Men do NOT own women. Stay on top of these early signs of a possessive man so you can get out before you are sucked into a possessive boyfriend’s oppressing and controlling ways!

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...