Dating a bisexual guy can have its own set of ups and downs. Here’s what you should know to make sure your relationship with him runs smoothly.
So, you’re either already dating a guy, or have the opportunity to date him, and you find out from some source or other that he has as much of a penchant for peacocks as he does peahens. Some girls might take such news in stride, barely batting an eyelid and treating it with utter nonchalance, unperturbed by the fact that he is as attracted to guys as she is. Others, however, might struggle to come to terms with such an unexpected revelation and, for a number of reasons, may be planning to run for the hills. [Read: 20 signs to check for if you think he may be gay]
How to get it right when dating a bisexual guy
You may be of a highly traditional persuasion and struggle with the concept of someone existing in anything other than an entirely heterosexual relationship. Conversely, you may be blindly willing to continue in pursuing a relationship with this man, without sitting down and trying to pre-empt any issues that may arise because of it in the future. Either way, the most common mistakes made, misconceptions and issues regarding dating a bisexual man are explored in more depth in the following list. [Read: How to date a bisexual woman, a guide for the men]
#1 The truth. The source of the information that alerted you to his bisexuality, if not from the horse’s mouth, must be corroborated as swiftly as possible. You certainly don’t want to throw away a potential relationship, especially if all else is looking good, on the basis of a half-truth or lie.
Go to him, confront him with this information and assess the truth of the matter. If it is true, you may have an issue with the fact that he has seemingly withheld such an important part of his life from you, although do be aware that such self-exposure can be a very difficult process to instigate, and it may well prove fruitful to be sympathetic to his reasons. However, only once you know whether there is any substance behind the claims can you start to think and talk things over. [Read: Should you ever confess that you’ve been snooping?]
#2 What’s the difference? Practically speaking, there shouldn’t be any. Just because your boyfriend turns out to be bisexual, doesn’t mean that he’s suddenly going to be cheating on you with every man he sees. A relationship is a relationship, regardless of whether a couple are heterosexual, bisexual, gay or alien. The rules of dating do not change because he is attracted to men as well as women, and bisexuality is no excuse for philandering. This whole issue needs to be discussed and you need to be sure you are both singing from the same hymn-sheet.
Right thing for him to say: “I’m only interested in you, I’m not interested in any other women or men”. This shows that the man in question is emotionally mature, and probably quite reliable.
Wrong thing for him to say: “I have to be honest, there may be times when I have to go and get this out of my system.” Unfortunately, this individual is using his sexuality as a reason to cheat and should be kicked out immediately. [Read: Prefer an open relationship? Here are the 15 rules!]
#3 All in the past. If the gentleman you desire to make more than just a friend reveals that he experimented sexually whilst younger, maybe when at university or college, there is no reason for excessive worry or anguish. Sexual experimentation of this kind is very common amongst either gender, and it just shows a healthy curiosity that is typical of younger adults.
It’s probably fine to ask a few questions to see how much of that urge is still there, but overreacting would be somewhat unfair and bullish, especially if it was a near isolated incident that happened decades ago. [Read: How to talk about your past relationships with a new partner]
#4 Bi or try. Not a misspelling, the try-sexual is someone who has a very creative and experimental approach towards sex in general and may have indulged with another man previously as part of his sexual exploration. The major difference between a bisexual and a try-sexual is that a bisexual is attracted to men and women. He can look at them both and can find himself drawn to them.
A try-sexual on the other hand, is not particularly attracted to men, rather than the thought of sex with them. It’s all about sex, the gender of the partner has hardly any bearing on him finding pleasure in the act. Although this sounds like an overly complex partner to build a relationship with, there really is nothing to fear. As long as he’s a good and trustworthy person he can easily forsake same sex relationships as there are so many other areas of sexuality than he can focus upon – hopefully areas that you are equally interested in. [Read: 10 surefire signs to know if there’s a try-sexual in you]
#5 Whose problem is it anyway? If it’s the case that he’s made an effort to explain that he is indeed bisexual, if he’s gone about it in a sensible and sensitive way, explained exactly where he is with that and convinced you that he intends to be a good and faithful partner, yet you are still struggling with his revelation, then maybe you need to take a long hard look at yourself.
There’s no embarrassment in admitting to a certain amount of prejudice, we all have it to some extent, just don’t go blaming him for your personal shortcomings. It may be the case that you can talk some sense into yourself, and deal with the situation in a mature and accepting fashion, but there’s no sense in fooling yourself either.
If you really feel you’re not going to be able to deal with it, fess up, walk away, and do him the favor of not leading him down the garden path.
Accepting his bisexuality and indulging it
If you’ve had a good think about the above points and have decided that you are happy to continue in a relationship with a bisexual guy, there are two ways that you can choose to go. Firstly, you can just leave all that bisexuality thing behind. If it isn’t relevant to your relationship, and it certainly doesn’t have to be, you can just assign it to the “Dealt With” tray, and carry on regardless. Most women will take this option and that’s absolutely fine.
However, there are also ways, if you’re feeling particularly accommodating, in which you can include his bisexuality to differing extents within your relationship. These following five points outline exactly how:
#1 Be inclusive. Essentially, this means acknowledging the fact he is bisexual, rather than brushing it under the carpet. If you were with a female friend watching TV, for example, and some famous hunk came into view, you’d comment upon how attractive he was. Try doing similar things with your significant other also, and show him how comfortable you are with his sexuality – he’ll appreciate it. [Read: Could you be bi-curious? – 9 ways to know for sure?]
#2 Porn. However you want to do this is up to you, but you could give him a free pass on watching gay or bisexual porn, and/or watch it with him, if that kind of thing rocks your boat. Likewise, indulge in fictional fantasies about a third man joining in during lovemaking, spicing things up in the bedroom while also showing the trust and acceptance you have placed in his sexuality.
#3 Get physical. It’s worth asking questions about the physical side of his sexuality to see if there is something in particular about that which he misses and, if possible, attempt to emulate that somehow. For example, he may enjoy anal penetration, which he wouldn’t normally expect from a woman, but which can be enjoyed through a whole range of sex toys available for exactly such a purpose. This kind of thing might not be up everyone’s alley *don’t pardon the pun*, but it could lend a whole new and exciting dimension to your lovemaking. [Read: The curious guy’s and gal’s guide to anal sex]
#4 Grant shore leave. If you are an incredibly broad-minded kind of person, and there aren’t many that are this broad minded, you could give your partner regular leave to go and indulge in the other side of his sexuality. He might decline, of course, which is all well and good, but he may respond positively and the appreciation he feels might even make you closer. Ground rules would have to be drawn up to stop anyone getting hurt, though, and safe sex must always be insisted upon.
#5 Join in. Like it says on the tin. Some women are incredibly turned on by homo-eroticism, and a threesome or more with a bunch of handsome hunks going at each other like hammer and tongues is an ultimate fantasy come true. Again, this is either something you can do or something you can’t, and not being true to yourself in an effort to impress can only lead to heartache.
[Read: 20 things you need to know before indulging in a threesome]
If you weren’t sure whether dating a bisexual guy was for you, then hopefully the above guide has put you more firmly in the picture – who knows, when you follow the tips on acceptance, you might just enjoy it!
