Is he ignoring you or making you feel unappreciated? It’s time to turn the tables and learn how to make him regret taking you for granted. Payback time!
Whether they realize it or not, some guys have a habit of taking their partner for granted. This could be innocent. Simply getting a little too used to things they do on a daily basis, and not really noticing the small details which make them quite lucky in life. It could also be that the guy is a bit of a narcissist, basically assuming that everyone should do whatever for him, because that is how life should be. Whichever camp your guy falls into, learning how to make him regret taking you for granted could be a game-changer.
We should point out that if your guy is quite the narcissist, you have your hands full attempting to make him change. Put simply, a narcissist will only change his ways if he wants to. And trust us, he won’t.
On the other hand, if your guy simply needs a nudge to remind him how wonderful his partner is, and how you don’t have to do all the things you do for him, these methods could turn out to be very useful indeed!
[Read: What you need to do if your boyfriend takes you for granted]
How to make him regret taking you for granted
Wondering how to make a guy stop taking you for granted, and regret ever doing it? Here are several ways that will work like a charm. But always remember, if his ways don’t change, it’s time to wave your hand goodbye.
1. Stop doing the things you always do for him
Firstly, stop doing those things he is taking for granted. This is the single most important thing on the list of how to make him regret taking you for granted.
If you always make breakfast whilst he sits there and doesn’t move, stop doing it. Always making dinner? Stop making it. If you’re always doing the laundry, let him wonder why his clothes are dirty.
Maybe you’re always working whilst he’s only half-assing it. So, stop contributing as much, and start thinking about yourself.
The single best way to put how to make him regret taking you for granted into action is to stop doing the very things that he’s not appreciating. Once those things aren’t happening, he’s going to sit up and wonder what’s going on.
He’ll suddenly realize that you’re doing more than he’s giving you credit for. And the hope is that he’ll start to think about how little he does as a result.
Of course, it could backfire completely and cause a huge argument. But, avoiding doing the things which he’s taking for granted is the only way to start the process towards getting recognition for all those things you do – mostly without a thank you. [Read: 19 signs of a taker in a relationship – Are you a giver or a taker?]
2. Call him out on his behavior
If you’re tired of not getting a ‘thank you,’ tired of not being appreciated, tell him! Make it known that you’re not happy, that you’re sick of being taken for granted, and that you’d like a little recognition occasionally, or perhaps a few things done for you sometimes too!
Maybe he simply doesn’t realize what he’s doing and needs a nudge. Or maybe he simply expects these things to be done and doesn’t think you deserve the recognition. If that’s the case, you need to start exploring the idea of whether you really need that type of disrespect in your life!
The best way to approach this conversation is carefully. Don’t jump in all guns blazing, but simply saying “I do x, y, z for you and you don’t ever say thanks” could be all it takes. [Read: How to tell your partner you’re unhappy and 18 ways to do it without hurting them]
3. Set yourself some boundaries
Within the things he’s taking for granted, there are bound to be things that you do which you need also.
For instance, if you make dinner, it’s because you’re hungry too. Of course, you could make your own and let him make his, but that’s probably going to start a huge argument. If you don’t get what you want out of your ‘how to make him regret taking you for granted’ mission, that’s certainly a route you could think about.
You need to set yourself some boundaries. So, tell yourself the things you will do, mainly because you want them or need them, and outline the things that you won’t do, because you simply do them for no thanks. Once he sees certain things he took for granted have gone missing, he’ll start to question why. [Read: Where to draw the line when you’re the only one putting all the effort]
4. Focus on yourself
If you feel like he’s taking you for granted generally, start focusing on yourself rather than on him. Do things that make you feel good – buy some new clothes, change your style a little, perhaps start learning a new skill, take up a new hobby, or join the gym.
What you need to do is put an onus back on giving yourself the thanks that he’s not giving you.
Your guy will soon see that twinkle in your eye that only comes from focusing on number one. And when combined with the fact that you’re not doing the things he’s taking for granted anymore, he’s going to get worried.
Worried men start to look at the reasons for the way they’re feeling and perhaps he will begin to realize that he’s been mistreating you for so long. [Read: 23 clues you’re dating a manchild and an immature prick]
5. Keep your dignity
How to make him regret taking you for granted? Don’t continue doing things for someone who doesn’t show you respect or thanks.
Hold your head up high and show your dignified side. Don’t be dragged into arguments about it. Simply stop doing the things he’s taking for granted. Tell him why and then let him change his ways.
If he refuses to do so, if he still takes you for granted and doesn’t show you the respect you deserve, walk away with even more dignity. Find someone who does appreciate you for the wonderful person you are, and all the wonderful things you do. [Read: 25 traits of sad love and signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]
6. Let him know that you’re fine without him
You might think that talking about a future without him in it is playing with fire. Yes, in some ways it is, because it’s part and parcel of game playing.
But when someone is taking you for granted, you need to give them a firm nudge to make them see what their behavior is doing, and what the possible consequences could be if they don’t change their ways.
Simply let him see that if you had to leave, you would and that you would be fine without him. You can do that by being independent, focusing on yourself, and letting him see that you’re doing more things for yourself. [Read: 15 little moves that’ll make a guy really worry about losing you]
7. Reignite your social life
Still wondering how to make him regret taking you for granted? Kickstart your social life and start going out with your friends.
If you’re acting a little cold or aloof around him and you suddenly start going out and enjoying your life more, he’s going to start panicking about other people who may treat you better.
That could be enough to make him realize what he’s been doing, regretting his actions and causing him to change for the future.
That’s the hope. Even if that doesn’t happen, you’re having fun, you’re increasing your confidence, you’re getting out there. And you’ll know that if you have to leave, you’ll be more than fine on your own, until someone else comes along. [Read: The negative effects of taking someone for granted that just can’t be undone]
8. Play a little hard to get and tell him why
We’re not usually great advocates of playing hard to get, but in this situation, we’re all for it. It’s one of the ways to learn how to make him regret taking you for granted.
Be a little colder, don’t pick up the phone whenever he calls, wait a little while until you reply to his text, and don’t always be available when he snaps his fingers.
He’s going to wonder what’s going on, and when he asks, tell him why. Tell him that you feel unappreciated, tell him that he’s taking you for granted, and tell him that you don’t like the way it makes you feel. [Read: How to recognize the selfish people in your life and stop them from hurting you]
9. Talk to him calmly
The only way anything gets properly resolved in a relationship is to discuss it. And when you discuss it calmly, the effect will be a lot more obvious and swift.
Tell him how you have been feeling. Sit him down and let him know you do not want to fight but you have been feeling taken for granted. Also, ask him not to interrupt until you are finished talking. Many boyfriends that take you for granted will simply argue that they don’t take you for granted.
They will promise they appreciate you and expect this discussion to be over and for you to feel better. That’s when you need to increase your efforts to get him to see what he’s doing. When you combine calm conversation with the other points on this list, you’ll see results. [Read: Why you should never make someone a priority when you’re only an option in their life!]
10. Use ‘I’ phrases when you talk
The “I” message is the best way to get your point across without him being able to make excuses or claim he isn’t making you feel that way. Some guys are great at twisting things around. Instead of accusing him of ignoring all you do or not keeping up with his half of housework or whatever it may be, let him know solely how you feel.
Tell him you feel under-appreciated when he doesn’t thank you for making dinner. Let him know you feel like the relationship is unbalanced when you go out of your way to help him, but he breaks his promises to you.
Focus more on your feelings than his behavior. Say things like “I feel like… “. If he is worth it and wants to change, he will want to make these feelings better regardless of if he is to blame or not. [Read: How to stand up for yourself in a relationship without being run over]
11. You have to be firm
Stand your ground and do not waiver. This guy is taking you for granted and you don’t deserve it! You can be a little angry if you need to be. Guys can be very charming and very manipulative. Make it clear to him that this is not just one conversation but part of a larger problem. Let him know this won’t be resolved overnight and that you need to see changes moving forward.
Remind yourself that what he says matters, but his actions speak louder. [Read: 14 calms ways to recognize mean people and deal with them]
12. Tell him what you want him to do
Sorry, but some guys are a little dumb when it comes to knowing what they should do in certain situations. Some – not all!
If your guy falls within this bracket, you’re going to have to spell it out. For sure, you shouldn’t have to, but there we are.
Explain that you can’t do certain things for him anymore or that you expect him to do more for you. Maybe all you need is a ‘thank you’ from him. Do not expect him to read your mind and know how to change.
He will need guidance, and you will need patience, but give him clear instructions and tell him that you expect results. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a better love]
13. See if the change comes
Depending on how long this has been going on, this could be a hard habit to break. If you want it to work out, and he seems genuine about doing better, you will need to give him time.
His behavior will not flip right away. Sure the first week fresh off this conversation could be great, but it is easy to fall back into old ways. So, not only do you need to let him change but if you said you wouldn’t do his laundry anymore, live up to that.
As a caring person, it can be hard to stop doing all the things that come naturally, but things won’t get better unless you act on your words. But, don’t wait too long. If he slips back into old ways or change doesn’t happen, you really need to start realizing that you don’t need this in your life. [Read: How to stop being codependent have a healthy relationship]
14. Dump him
We know it’s not what you want to hear, but sometimes it comes to this. You’ve tried everything to make him see that he’s taking you for granted. You’ve talked about it too many times and you’ve ticked off all the strategies on our list.
So, now what? If he’s not changing, or he’s just slipping back into old patterns after a week or two, what does that say?
It says he doesn’t respect you, that’s what.
And, you know what? You need a lot more than that in your life. You deserve someone who doesn’t take you for granted and someone who respects and loves you.
For sure, we all drop the ball occasionally and start letting our standards slip, but when you’re pulled up on it, you change. He’s not doing that, so it’s time to say goodbye. [Read: How to tell if a guy is using you – 40 signs he’s just playing you and biding his time]
What you shouldn’t do when your boyfriend takes you for granted
When it comes to knowing how to treat a boyfriend that takes you for granted, there is a lot you should not do. We’ve covered the things you need to do but add this list of ‘do nots’ to your internal memory card.
To get the respect you deserve, this is exactly what you should NOT do. [Read: How self respect affects you and your relationship]
1. Don’t ignore him
One thing a lot of people do when they come up against relationship problems, especially something like being taken for granted is to give the cold shoulder. Instead of dealing with it, we just ignore him until he misses us and comes back.
Although this can be effective in the short term, for boyfriends that lack maturity, it only adds to the cycle. Sure, if he takes everything you do for granted and you start ignoring him he will come crying back. But, that will only last so long.
If you just ignore him, you are adding to the problem, not helping. [Read: Understanding the psychology of ignoring some and how to fix it]
2. Don’t apologize
You did nothing wrong! Never apologize for something you didn’t do. Him taking you for granted is not something you did.
Sure, maybe you are a giver. Maybe you like taking care of him, but him not thanking you or putting in effort doesn’t mean what you are doing is wrong.
If he expects you to do what you do for him instead of appreciating it, do not feel bad, and do not apologize.
3. Don’t think for a second that you’re the problem
This is a common problem. You fester on the thought that he would appreciate you and do more if you did more. You wonder what you’re doing wrong. Do not do that. If you already are, stop it right now.
You’ll sit in that headspace for far too long, and it will kill your self-esteem and trust in yourself. If you are struggling to realize that this is on him and not you, talk to a trusted friend about it. They will knock the truth into your mind. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by someone you love]
4. Don’t yell at him
We know you want to, but don’t. This may seem like the right thing to do. And it will feel good in the moment, but it only makes things worse. Not only could you end up saying something you regret, but fighting can make him defensive.
Guys do not respond well to heightened emotions like this, and they will focus on the tone of your voice instead of the actual words you want him to hear.
He’ll probably also accuse you of being hysterical or too emotional which will simply annoy you even more. It’s a recipe for a longer conflict than necessary, so do your best to swallow your anger and frustration and funnel it into more constructive methods. [Read: How to stop nagging your partner and let go of the partner-pestering]
5. Don’t do more
It is one thing to feel like you need to do more and it is another to actually do it. If he is taking you for granted, but you think if you do that one more thing it will open his eyes, you are wrong.
You don’t need to do more, you need to do less.
6. Don’t ignore the problem
Rather than ignoring him, ignoring the entire situation will do absolutely nothing but continue his behavior. You may think this is just how you feel and maybe you are overreacting, but we can tell you, you are not.
Yes, there is always a relationship that is better or worse than yours, but that does not mean your feelings are invalid. That doesn’t mean you should put up with feeling disrespected. Speak up and do something about it. [Read: 15 signs of low self esteem in a woman that can sabotage your life]
Either he will change, or you’ll walk away
You can only do so much. You cannot force someone to change their behavior if they don’t see a problem with it or they don’t want to change.
Yes, it’s going to hurt if you have to leave him, but try your best to see it as a blessing. Because in the end, that’s what it will be.
The hope is that you’ll follow these steps for how to make him regret taking you for granted and they’ll work. In most cases, they will.
But, there will always be that one guy who just doesn’t get it because his ego is way bigger than his love for you. If that guy happens to be yours, the best thing you can do is leave if he shows you he has no intention of changing his ways.
Don’t do all these wonderful things, no matter how small, for someone who doesn’t appreciate them. You’re far better off channeling that love and care into yourself.
[Read: Are you a giver who’s feeling unappreciated in the relationship?]
Understanding how to make him regret taking you for granted isn’t actually that difficult. The first step is to stop doing the things he’s not appreciating, and secondly, focus on number one. This quick recipe is sure to make him second guess his actions, and if not, walk away with your head held high!
