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How to Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend & Reclaim Your Life Again

It might seem like an uphill battle, but learning how to get over your ex boyfriend can be done. With time, strength, and these tips, you can do it. 

how to get over your ex-boyfriend

The end of a relationship is never easy for anyone – unless there weren’t any real feelings, to begin with. It’s harder when you weren’t the one to end things, but in the end, life has to go on. The good news is that no matter how rough it feels now, there are many many ways to learn how to get over your ex boyfriend.

It might feel like the end of the world, but it’s not.

You’re so much more capable than you think. No matter how long you’ve been together or how much you loved him, your breakup doesn’t define you. You can learn how to get over your ex boyfriend. [Read: How to get over a boyfriend you can’t forget]

Why breakups are so hard

No questions asked; breakups will always be difficult. You loved them with everything you had and now, it’s over. You invested significant time and effort into the relationship, not knowing the relationship would end.

But why do breakups hurt so bad? The truth is that it’s a combination of many different things.

First, you’re caught off-guard, and the shock can make it that much more painful. Another is the fact that you’re dealing with rejection, and that just stings like none other. The biggest reason dealing with breakups is so hard is because you’ve become dependent on someone else in your life.

They were always there, and you’re so used to their presence that when they’re no longer in your life, it just feels empty. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]

Why you’re not over your ex boyfriend

Of course, we all know that times heals all wounds, but sometimes it feels like the healing is going on forever. That’s probably because there are some specific reasons why you’re finding it so hard to get over your ex.

Here are some of them.

1. You’re lonely

When you’re feeling lonely, you tend to sit and think too much. You go over and over in your mind about what happened and the what ifs and maybes. All that does it keep you stuck in the cycle of the past, and unable to move forward. [Read: How to deal with loneliness – 12 ways to bring you back to life]

2. You lost confidence during the relationship

If you’re low on confidence, it’s always going to be harder to move forward. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a breakup or a job loss, it will seem ten times more difficult.

If you lost confidence during the relationship, for whatever reason, that’s going to make it hard for you to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend.

3. You only remember the good times

Ah, the rose tinted glasses effect! In any relationship, there are good times and bad. However, when a relationship ends, it’s easy to focus on the good and forget the bad ever happened.

This simply convinces you that the relationship was wonderful and causes you to grieve the end all the more. The truth is, if it was good all the time, it wouldn’t have ended, would it? [Read: The honest truth why it’s easier to get over someone if you dump them first]

4. You haven’t learned how to let go

Letting go of someone you love isn’t easy, but if you refuse to do so, you’re simply prolonging your agony. A huge part of learning how to get over your ex boyfriend is being willing to let it go and move on.

That time won’t come immediately, but with a little perseverance and strength, it will.

5. You’re afraid of being alone

This is particularly the case for someone who has been in a relationship for a long time. When it ends, it often makes you scared of being single, and you assume, alone.

The truth is, you’re not alone. You have other people around you. It’s far better to be single than to stay in a relationship that’s just not working. [Read: Alone time – Why you need it, how it helps, and how to make the most of it]

6. You didn’t get closure

Perhaps something happened at the end of the relationship that remains unfinished. Or, maybe they left without any solid reason and you’re desperately trying to work out what went wrong.

If you didn’t get closure, that’s one of the main reasons why you’re finding it so hard to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend.

7. You’re can’t stop ruminating

Put simply, you’re thinking too much and you’re analyzing everything to the smallest detail. Sometimes, it’s far better just to accept it and let it go.

If all you do is constantly allow it to go over and over in your mind, that’s not going to make moving on very easy. [Read: How to stop overthinking – Secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]

8. You’re not over the idea of what could have been

‘What if’ is a term that plagues us all. You can’t stop thinking about what might have happened if you hadn’t said this, or you hadn’t done that. Basically, you’re mourning the loss of what could’ve been.

It wasn’t meant to be. It’s that simple. [Read: The need for purpose in life – 5 things it can do for you]

9. You have regrets

Maybe the reason the relationship ended is because of something you did, or perhaps something you didn’t do. Either way, you’re dealing with regret.

Regret simply means you’re stuck in the past.

The relationship is over. All you can do is forgive yourself right now and in time, maybe your partner will forgive you too. [Read: How to deal with regret and learn to face your reality for what it is]

10. Your ex feels familiar

When you’ve been with someone for a while, they become a huge part of your life. It’s very normal that once they’re not around, you feel a little strange and as though you’re without your comfort blanket.

They feel familiar because you’re used to them. That doesn’t mean they’re right for you.

11. You’re still in contact

When you’re in contact with someone you’re trying to get over, that’s going to make it ten times harder. It’s far better to cut contact, at least for now, until you feel stronger and able to face the future without ‘what if.’ [Read: No contact rule – What it is, how to use it, and why it works so well]

How to get over a breakup with your boyfriend

You want to know how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend and that’s what you’re going to learn.

Anyone who has ever been through a breakup knows that the only way to stop dwelling on the feelings of heartbreak and pain is by switching the focus to yourself. Happiness is the best revenge, after all.

We know how much it hurts to lose someone you loved with everything you have. But the fact you broke up means you broke up for a reason. You can’t dwell on the breakup, but instead, use it to improve yourself. [Read: How to get over your ex in a healthy way for your future]

1. Accept it

We’re not saying you two won’t get back together, but at this moment, you’re not. So, if you want to know how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend, start by accepting that you’ve broken up.

We know you still love him, we get it.

But thinking that you’re going to get back together will not help you process this breakup. What if you actually don’t get back together?

You know how much time you would spend reserving yourself for them? Waiting for them? Don’t wait. [Read: How to get over a boyfriend you just can’t forget]

2. Acknowledge it’s going to take time

It’s going to take time, but eventually, you slowly stop thinking about them. You don’t even notice until you run into someone and they ask you about your ex. As you move on, they’re not sitting in your head anymore.

3. Don’t hold it in

By this, we mean if you want to be sad and you need to cry for an entire day, DO IT! Don’t hold back your painful emotions, or they’ll just come back full force – and much worse later on.

The most common mistake people tend to make when learning how to get over an ex boyfriend is to numb their emotions and pretend they’re completely fine, when they’re not.

Not only is this an unhealthy way of dealing with your feelings, but you’ll never get over your breakup this way. All you’re doing is distracting the pain away. But it’ll resurface, one way or another. [Read: Repressed anger – How to let go before it eats you from the inside]

4. Get rid of their number and social media

You may be thinking, “But what if I need –,” NO! It’s over. You will not need him for anything else. 

The longer you still have his phone number and are connected on social media, you’ll always be tempted to contact him. What happens if you get drunk and accidentally drunk call him?

Forget him and avoid doing things you might regret, delete his number and unfollow him on your socials! [Read: How to get over a guy you still love]

5. AND all of their belongings

That’s right. Throw them out, return them, do whatever you need to in order to have nothing that will make you think of him.

We don’t care how much you like sleeping in his t-shirt, it’s not going to help you learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend. [Read: Old love letters and memories – Keep or throw them?]

6. Avoid watching romantic movies

It’s tempting to turn on Netflix, browse the “romance” section, and cry about the fact that you’ll never have a love like that. However, this will do more harm than good when trying to learn how to get over your ex boyfriend.

Watching romance movies will just make you cry because it’ll remind you of the breakup. How will that help you?!

7. Vent to your BFFs

Call them up and tell them what happened. Plan a girl’s night filled with chocolate, ice cream, burning of his belongings, and venting about how awful you feel.

No matter how easy it is to isolate yourself from your friends because you’re dwelling on your breakup, you need them. Your friends will be there to pick up the pieces of your broken heart, so call them up and remind yourself of how much fun life can be! [Read: How to move on after a breakup and overcome the pain]

8. Stay busy

This is such an important step on how to get over your ex-boyfriend. You can’t dwell on your breakup at all costs. You need to stay busy to distract yourself just enough to refrain from thinking about him.

Now is definitely the time to ask your boss for extra work and make sure you are diving head-first into your hobbies. Join clubs, try out yoga, and even offer to babysit or volunteer at a shelter. Staying busy will keep your mind off him. [Read: 8 ways to stop moaning and stay busy after a breakup]

9. Don’t be alone much

This is another thing that will make you miss him more. Plan your day, so you have the least amount of time to be alone. Being alone just reminds you of how much you enjoyed their company, and that’s not good if you’re trying to figure out how to get over your ex-boyfriend.

Eventually, you’re going to have to learn how to feel and live alone without missing him. But for now, isolation isn’t the way. [Read: 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through them]

10. Do something he disliked

If you really want to feel better about the breakup, do everything he hated. Let’s say he always liked your hair long, cut it short. Maybe hated you going to clubs and parties – now’s your chance.

It will feel so refreshing and remind you just how good it can feel to not be tied down. You might miss him, but doing things he doesn’t like will make you feel better about everything. It’s definitely one of the best ways to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend.

11. Rearrange your apartment

If the two of you spent a lot of time at your place, it’s only natural that just seeing the place will make you miss him – and you have to see it every day.

If everything reminds you of him, it’s crucial that you rearrange your apartment and declutter. You can even choose to decorate your home again so that your space reminds you less of him. [Read: What to do when you’re bored at home with nothing to do]

12. Get a haircut

This is a classic thing girls do when they go through a breakup. Why? Because having a new look can definitely help you with getting over your ex boyfriend. It signals a fresh start and a new beginning, which is precisely why you should get that haircut!

Don’t hesitate to try something different with your hair – just don’t get carried away and do something you’ve never considered before! [Read: 11 determined ways to get over a breakup that you caused]

13. Get a pet – if you want!

Not everyone can go out and get a pet to curb their loneliness cravings. But if you can, it’s a really great strategy for how to get over your ex boyfriend.

Not only do pets make such an adorable company, but they’re amazing in distracting you from your heartbreak. They’re so cute and adorable that you can’t help but put all your focus on your pet rather than your ex boyfriend.

Of course, you need to remember that having a pet is a real commitment for years to come. So if you choose to pour your heart and love into a pet instead of some guy who doesn’t love you anymore, that’s an amazing gesture. But remember, it is a real responsibility. [Read: Adopting a pet? The true signs you’re ready to get a pet together]

14. Hit the gym

Not only will you have so much extra time for hobbies, but you’ll have more hours a week to get to the gym. This will help keep you busy, get the endorphins pumping so you feel really happy. It will also increase your confidence because you’ll look AMAZING after working out so much! [Read: 25 inspirational tips to get motivated and work out]

15. Pamper the shit out of yourself

You have all this extra time on your hands, so do something to treat yourself! Don’t just sit at home and mope.

Get some face masks, new nail polish, and bubble bath stuff so you can have a luxurious night to yourself – at least three times a week! This is the perfect way to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend.

If you want to feel instantly better, work on some self-love habits and put the focus back on yourself. Prioritize yourself and most importantly, love yourself. It’ll remind you that you don’t need a man to feel happy. [Read: How to get your self-esteem back after a breakup]

16. Pick up a challenging hobby/activity

Don’t just get a hobby that’s easy for you and that you can do while thinking about your ex. Instead, pick a hobby that will challenge you immensely and make you think and work.

If you want to know how to get over your ex boyfriend, try something that absorbs you completely! Also, this can help you rediscover yourself, especially as it’s easy to forget who you are in a breakup.

For example, you can start to learn a new language, pick a new sport to perfect, or even try to draw really well! [Read: What are you passionate about? How to find and own your desires]

17. Get your flirt on!

Now, this isn’t easy for many women to do post-breakup because you’re feeling down and not very good about yourself. However, if you get out there and flirt with some attractive guys, it’ll definitely help you figure out how to get over your ex boyfriend.

Again, this isn’t for everyone, but flirting can certainly bring back your confidence and help you learn how to get over your ex. [Read: How to quickly get over someone you love – 14 steps to get there really fast]

18. Travel elsewhere

Traveling is one of the most underrated ways on how to get over your ex-boyfriend. The more you stay within the same environment, everything will keep reminding you of him.

So book that plane ticket and travel the world, and ask your friends to come along with you! You’ll have some of the best memories and your adventures will distract you just enough to stop thinking about him. [Read: 15 reasons why you should travel at least once a year]

19. Embrace your independence

This seems to be something a lot of people forget to do when a breakup occurs. You dwell so much on the heartbreak and pain that you fail to embrace the silver lining of it. You’re single again, which means you’re free to live your life however you want.

Nobody will control you or get mad at you when you do things he doesn’t want to. If you’re going to feel better, embrace your independence!

Go to that party, flirt with guys, have adventures! The possibilities are endless. It’s time to start thinking positively when learning how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend. [Read: How to be single after a long relationship – 20 ways to start over]

20. Realize your worth

We know this is easier said than done, but realizing your worth is essential in a breakup. You will only be able to move on from your ex when you remind yourself of who you are and everything you’re worth.

Now is your chance to find yourself again. [Read: How to respect yourself – 14 secrets of self-worth and self-belief]

21. Reaffirm why you had to breakup

People break up for so many reasons. It doesn’t always have to be something as drastic as cheating for a relationship to end. Sometimes there’s just a lack of compatibility, maybe there’s no future, or there’s no love.

Whatever it is, you need to find out why you had to break up and hold on to those reasons. The minute you want your ex back, remind yourself why the breakup occurred, and you’re a step closer to forgetting him. [Read: 20 of the most valid reasons to break up with someone]

22. Invest in your personal development

Aside from happiness, the best revenge to get over an ex is success. When he sees you succeeding and thriving in all aspects compared to when you were with him, he’ll start to realize that maybe he made a mistake.

Remember, this should never be your goal; you should improve yourself primarily for yourself and not as a form of revenge. But, of course it feels good when you improve.

Not to mention, it distracts you enough that you forget you miss him entirely. What better way to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend? [Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

23. It’s time to be selfish

If you want to sit at home crying, do it. Or, if you want to talk about your ex, do it.

Have you ever had a friend that broke up with their partner? It’s a nightmare – it’s all they talk about. And if you think you’re going to be different, you’re not. You’re going to analyze the shit out of it, trust us.

So, just accept that it’s going to be all about you for a couple months and be okay with that. [Read: Sense of self – 26 steps to raise it and feel like a million bucks]

24. Resist the urge to reach out

At some point, you’re going to feel an overwhelming urge to reach out and contact him. Don’t write him, don’t call him, don’t e-mail, don’t like anything on his Instagram. Just don’t do it.

You need to move on, and if you continue to contact him that’s not going to happen. If you want to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend, call a friend instead when that overwhelming urge to reach out happens. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

25. Take your time

You don’t have to get over someone in two days. In fact, if you did, that would be highly unusual. So, take your time.

There’s no “right” amount of time to get over someone. You shared feelings and memories with that person, so it’s going to take a while to get over. However much time you need, use it.

26. Don’t rush into dating

We mentioned flirting a little earlier, but do your best not to jump into actual dating. People usually think the best thing to do is to jump back into the dating scene. This isn’t bad, but you need time to process your breakup rather than jumping into a new relationship.

Going into a new relationship will not help you get over your breakup, it’s just going to blanket it. Which means, eventually, all those feelings you were masking will be uncovered. [Read: What is a rebound relationship? 12 signs to know if you’re in one]

27. One night stands are up to you

Again, some people think having casual sex will help you move on. You can try it, and it may help you on a physical level, however, emotionally it won’t help. But, there’s nothing wrong with trying and seeing if it works for you.

We’re not saying don’t do it, but only do it if it feels right. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re ready for one]

28. Say no to their friendship

They’re going to suggest that you stay friends. Listen, you guys are not friends. Maybe in a couple years you’ll be able to be friends, but as of now, there is no friendship.

Say no to friendship… that’s not what you need now. [Read: How to turn down an ex who wants to be friends]

29. Don’t try to drink away your sadness

Alcohol is an easy way to suppress your feelings, but it’s only a short-term fix. You finishing a bottle of wine every night before bed isn’t going to help you get over that person.

So, stay away from bad habits like alcohol and drugs. It’s easy to get caught up in it, but it’s not one of our tips for how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend.

30. Don’t try to get them back

If they realize they made a mistake, they’ll contact you. Other than that, don’t go showing up to their work or their favorite restaurant.

You scheming to get them back may work, but it won’t work for the long term, and you’ll end up at square one again. No schemes! [Read: How to get a guy to stop playing games with your feelings]

31. Write your feelings down

This is a great way to get everything out that you wanted to say. Write them a letter, but don’t actually send it. Please, don’t send it.

By writing your feelings down, you’ll be able to say everything you want to without having to watch what you say or hold anything back. That’s one of the best ways to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend because it’s so cathartic.

32. Try not to analyze

This is easier said than done, but you should try to avoid overthinking and going over every detail of your relationship.

Listen, you made mistakes, they made mistakes, it’s normal. But, you analyzing everything in the relationship will not get you two back together. So, stop analyzing, and stop blaming yourself. [Read: 20 ways your over-analyzing is ruining your relationship]

33. Don’t let him know you’re hurting

Now this is important. Humans are sadistic, no matter how nice we all are. If your boyfriend knows you’re hurting, it will only make him emotionally stronger.

Keep a straight face no matter how hurt you are. Don’t call him up crying, or tell him how much you miss him. His response will only make you hurt more.

Avoid him, and make him think you’re happy and managing just fine with your life. [Read: Self-loathing – 25 signs and how to stop hurting yourself]

34. Stay away from his friends

After a breakup, try to stay away from his good friends. This can be difficult if you share a lot of common friends, but hanging out with your own friends is a better thing to do.

Being around his friends or your common friends will only bring back memories, or they may try to talk to you about the breakup which can open old wounds.

If you want to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend, move away from everything that connected the two of you for a while at least. [Read: How to meet new people – 16 exciting ways to find a new crowd]

35. Make an effort to meet new people

Catching up with guys who have a crush on you can be a lot of flirty fun. But sometimes, you also need to meet new people. In everyday life, humans intuitively have the need to please others and make a good impression.

By meeting friends of your friends, you’ll find yourself feeling great and completely normal, just like you’ve always been for years. People only miss their ex when they’re lonely or unoccupied.

By meeting new friends who don’t know about your break up status, you’ll end up forgetting you’ve just broken up yourself. [Read: Signs your ex is thinking about you]

36. Party hard

If you want to get over a guy, there’s nothing like clubbing and partying with a great looking crowd to get you out of the dumps. Gather a group of your friends and paint the town red.

Go to a happening joint and dance like you’ve never danced when you were a couple. See a cute guy? Make a flirty pass at him. Laugh it off with your friends. Have fun, and have loads of it.

One of the best ways to learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend is to enjoy the freedom you have reclaimed. [Read: Should a girl accept a drink from a stranger?]

37. Let go of the fantasy

You will no doubt have an idea in your head of how you wanted things to be. Maybe you wanted this to be the guy you marry and grow old with. The truth is, that’s not going to happen.

As hard as it’s going to be to accept, you need to lock away that fantasy and forget all about it. That doesn’t mean the fantasy won’t come true with another guy, but for now, focus on yourself.

38. Get professional help

Sometimes, all the time and advice on how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend just doesn’t quite work. You feel like you’re making progress, but you still feel like something is missing. In that case, perhaps reaching out for professional help could be a good option.

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you need a little help. You’re showing strength in your will to try and make things better. A little therapy can be a great way to gain perspective and to talk things through with a third party. [Read: 12 insightful lessons to help you have a better life]

How long does it take to get over your ex boyfriend?

There is no right or wrong answer here! You’ll no doubt have read that it takes a month for every year you were together, or some other totally incorrect mathematical formula.

The truth is, everyone is different. Some people take months, other people take weeks.

Focus on yourself and go at your own pace. Nobody can tell you how long it will take to get over this, but by actively looking after yourself, you’re helping to reduce the amount of time anyway.

Learning how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend cannot be calculated by math or a crystal ball. [Read: 11 honest secrets to let go of the past, be happy and look to the future]

The signs you’re finally over your ex boyfriend

So, you’ve followed our steps on how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend and you feel like you’re making progress. But, how do you know when you’re actually over him?

There may not be a lightbulb moment where you think ‘hang on, I don’t care about him anymore.’ Some people have that, but for most, it’s more of a general whimsical notion that for a very long time, you haven’t thought about him.

Perhaps the best signs to look for are a sense of ease, happiness, and hope. When you start to look forward to the future and not feel a sense of loss, that’s a great sign.

Everyone is different and, as before, it takes a different amount of time for everyone. But, you’ll know you’ve reached that magical point when, for the first time in a long time, you can look back and realize that it was for the best. [Read: 13 inspiring ways to bring out the best in yourself]

Moving on takes time

You can get over your ex boyfriend when you focus on yourself and take it one step at a time. Remember you broke up for a reason, so even if you miss him with every fiber of your being, he’s no longer worth your time or energy.

It’s going to take time and you’re going to need to be patient. But by following the process and understanding the need for self-care right now, you’ll get there sooner rather than later. That’s how you learn how to get over a breakup with your boyfriend.

[Read: 12 things about love you’ll only learn from experience]

With these steps, you’ll learn how to get over your ex boyfriend. It takes a lot of inner strength and resilience to move on, but you can do it!

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...