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How to Know if He’s Lying to You Without Asking or Confronting Him

Intuition may have something to do with it, but if you’re wondering how to know if he’s lying to you, here are some tips.

How to Know if He's Lying to You

Whether you’re in a relationship or just getting to know someone, one of your fears would be being unsure about not knowing how to know if he’s lying to you. When it happens, not only do you feel hurt and betrayed but you also feel foolish. Being lied to leaves you angry, bitter, and with trust issues. No wonder you’re so worried, even anxious, about if he’s lying.

And based on the nature of lying, you can’t just ask him and get an honest answer. I don’t usually advise you to figure things out without open communication, in this circumstance you don’t really have that option. [Read: Is he full of shit? How to handle a guy who’s full of it]

Why do you think he’s lying to you?

You came here looking for answers because you suspect something. But, before I give you all the secrets to figure out if he’s lying, let’s look at you for a moment.

Why do you think he’s lying? Is he acting shady? Are things different than they used to be? Do you suspect he’s cheating or keeping secrets? Do you have any evidence or circumstances that imply he’s lying?

[Read: Emotions you just shouldn’t feel in your relationship]

If yes, then it’s good to keep the wheels turning. If not, I would recommend stepping back from focusing on him and focus on yourself.

Sometimes when you’ve been hurt and lied to in the past, you anticipate the same thing from the present or future. You are preparing yourself for the worst. And when doing that, you overthink.

Maybe your crush was busy at work and didn’t have a chance to text you. Instead of rushing to the conclusion that something is off, just let it be. If your boyfriend forgot to do something you asked, it may not be because he is stressed about keeping a secret, but he simply forgot.

Sometimes learning how to know if he’s lying to you is about figuring out if you’re lying to yourself. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be careful. Overthinking small things and turning them into baseless red flags will only hurt you in the end.

[Read: How to stop overthinking in a relationship and calm your fears]

How to know if he’s lying to you

If trust comes easily to you but something happened to make you hesitant, it could be time to figure out if he’s lying to you.

You may suspect that there is an issue in your relationship or that you’re about to be dumped when really nothing is going on. When you worry about that, you can create problems from nothing and even lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

To be sure if he’s lying to you, take a step back. See if your fears are based in truth. [Read: The different types of liars and how to confront each of them without losing your cool]

#1 Things don’t make sense. Sometimes you cross wires and have a misunderstanding. If this seems to be the case, more often than not, it could be because he’s lying about something.

If you find yourself trying to justify his actions or make sense of something he said, he is likely lying. A man who is lying will usually change small details in his story, perhaps about where he was or where he’s going. Be observant of these things. See what you pick up on. [Read: What to ask a guy to get straight answers if you think he’s lying]

#2 He goes dark. Whether you just started talking or have been together a while, a guy who you can’t contact for a period of time is hiding something. It’s one thing if he’s at jury duty and can’t be on his phone for the day. But, if you think a guy is hiding something and you can’t get a hold of him, he probably is.

I would let this go once if it is early on. If he disappears for a day or more with zero communication regularly, or even just more than once, it is a red flag. [Read: 21 unintentional behaviors a guy just can’t hide if he’s cheating on you]

#3 Things have changed. If you are dating someone that you trust but all of a sudden things change, it could be a sign that he’s lying. Usually, trust wavers when his behavior changes.

Is he staying out much later after work without an excuse? Is his phone going off more? Does he bring his phone to the bathroom? If these things start happening out of the blue, they don’t necessarily mean he’s lying. Paired with some others on the list, they are not a good sign. [Read: How to trust your boyfriend: 12 questions to help you decide]

#4 He’s defensive. If you ask him to explain something or simply ask where he was and he gets angry and defensive, it isn’t for no reason. When a guy overreacts to something simple, he overcompensates for a lie. He shouldn’t jump down your throat for asking about his weekend plans. If he does, I’d ask why he’s getting so upset. If he can’t give you a feasible answer, worry.

#5 He accuses you of lying. When a guy acts jealous or accuses you of lying when you know you haven’t done anything wrong or even anything that could be misconstrued as wrong, there is something going on with him.

Often, a liar will accuse you of lying to throw you off. If you are in a fight or he’s mad at you, he thinks you won’t figure out what he’s doing because you’re preoccupied. Instead of letting yourself get upset by accusations, consider where they’re coming from. Why is he feeling insecure?

Someone who is lying is more likely to think you’re doing the same. Because they know they’re capable of it. [Read: How to recognize the physical and emotional signs of a guilty conscience]

#6 They limit who you talk to. Whether a new guy is lying to you about his job or your beau is lying about where he’s been, he will try to limit the risk of you finding out. These liars want to maintain control of their lie and you. So, if you talk about your relationship with your friends or coworkers and he finds out, he may get upset. [Read: How to tell if you’re in a low key relationship or an affair]

He may even guilt you into keeping things private. He might make up a story about why he likes keeping things private so you fall for it. This is in the hopes that you interact with as few people as possible. The more people you see and talk to about him, the more likely you are to figure out his lie or that he’s lying. [Read: The signs of a toxic boyfriend that should make you move away fast]

#7 Your gut tells you. Although your gut can be confused with fear and insecurity, sometimes your gut is louder than all the signs in the world. If you can’t put your finger on it but just know something is off, trust your gut.

Your instincts are probably much better than you realize. You may want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, and I’m all for that. Being in a situation where you feel uncomfortable is not worth it. If your gut says he’s lying, you do not have to stick around and find out for sure.

[Read: How to listen to your gut and give strength to your inner voice]

It can be hard to figure out how to know if he’s lying to you. With some keen observation and self-trust, you’ll know for sure in no time.

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...