Secret Relationship: Why Would Someone Want to Keep Things Low Key?

Secret love may seem exciting. But if you’re dating someone who wants a secret relationship, you need to ask yourself why they want to keep it low key.

secret relationship

You may have recently met someone great who seems perfect in every way imaginable. But then, they drop a suspicious bomb. They want a secret relationship, at least for a while!

You’re confused, after all, doesn’t dating mean letting the world know that they two of you are going out and about, clicking new pics and sharing them on social media? And further down the lane, isn’t love meant to be revealed to the whole world so everyone can know that both of you are a real and exclusive couple?

This person you’re dating may have their own reasons for wanting to keep the relationship a secret. But how can you tell if their reasons are valid, or if they’re just dropping you into a low key affair?!

[Read: How to tell if you’re in a low key relationship or a secret affair]

What is a secret relationship?

Firstly, what is a secret relationship, just so we’re all on the same page here.

A secret relationship is one where the two of you are dating, and for some reason, one or both of you want to keep the relationship a secret from the world. You don’t go out publicly, you don’t text each other in front of others, and you definitely don’t go tagging each other on social media.

So literally, a secret relationship is a “relationship” that honestly isn’t a relationship just yet, for whatever reasons.

[Read: 26 sexy, secret love quotes about unspoken affections]

Secret relationships and the truth about secret love

Secret romances may seem exciting, but in reality, they may prove to be fatal for most relationships. Such scenarios only look good in soap operas and mystical fables. In most cases, secret relationships are a product of unfounded fear and sometimes, even sheer cheating.

So what could possibly be the reasons behind why someone wants to share the fruits of their affection yet not let the nature of this relationship be out in the open?

Here’s everything you need to know to understand why someone would want to stay in one. [Read: How to tell if someone is using you – The signs a user just can’t hide]

Why do they want to keep the relationship a secret?

If you’re in a relationship that fits into one of these bills, leave the table-for-two even if dinner is served and too darn irresistible to hold back. You do know there’s something called single dining, don’t you?

The shady reasons why someone would want a secret relationship

You’re better off being single than hooking up with someone who is into secret games and secret relationships. Well, unless that’s what you’re looking for too! [Read: How to have a casual relationship without getting hurt or betrayed]

#1 They’re just out of a broken relationship

Everyone moves on when a relationship spells “it’s over”. It hurts and it leaves you drained, gloomy and mostly, bitter.

If your new squeeze is yet to overcome the traumatic effect of a broken relationship, the chances are they would want to keep this new relationship a secret because they’re not yet ready for any commitment. Trust is hard to gain so it’s important that you gain this with your new partner before you actually fall in love with them. [Read: 15 rebound relationship signs and dangers to watch out for]

#2 They’re cheating on you

Now this one is the most obvious of them all! Your new partner may articulate everything sugar-coated and agree with whatever you say. All is great, that is until you decide to introduce them to your parents or friends.

People who are cheating on you or using you as a side-chick always have an excuse ready to throw at you because they’re just not interested to meet “your” people. This new person may even hesitate to take you to public places and may insist on going to a sheltered and secluded place because it’s “more romantic and intimate”.

You may not be spending nights over at their place either, no person who’s cheating would want to get caught cheating, would they? [Read: All the signs you’re someone’s sidechick when you believe you’re his main girl]

#3 They’re still with their ex

Men and women who aren’t quite finished with their former flame would unquestionably jump hoops to hide their relationship. The idea that they can have the cake and eat it too is tempting.

Your new partner may be feeling uneasy about letting go of you, because they’re not sure what their odds are with their on-off relationship with the ex. [Read: Are you being benched by someone? 17 signs you’re clearly being strung along right now]

#4 They’re crazy!

Your new partner doesn’t have any rational reasons behind why they want to keep the relationship a secret. They only know they want it to be a secret romance.

You’re a closet lover in their eyes, and their kinky fetish of secret love could give you more reasons to get confused than feel happy. If your love life gets all closed up like a cupboard, you should move on.

#5 Gasp, they’re married!

Married women and men will do anything to keep their extramarital relationship covert. They probably don’t answer your call when they’re at home. And texts, they’re probably as random as they can get. They answer your texts quickly occasionally, but they always seem busy even if they’re just watching some new series.

You’re probably meeting often only around their workplace, or spending weekends on out of town getaways. [Confession: I dated a married man and here’s everything I’ve learned from it]

#6 They’re not sure they’re into you.

You may be shouting from the rooftops, confessing your undying love for this person. But your new love doesn’t want to shout, let alone speak about your secret love.

The simple truth is that they’re not sure of their feelings for you. Give them some time and even after that, if they’re unable to do date you publicly, it’s advised that you end all relations with this person. The longer you stay in that relationship, the more pain and insecurity you’ll experience. [Read: 15 painful signs they’re not into you and it’s time for you to walk away]

The good side: Two good reasons to keep a relationship a secret

Every relationship is different and not all the people who want to keep their relationship a secret are villains or vamps. Sometimes, it becomes essential to hide a relationship from your immediate world. Here are some of the reasons why you should keep a relationship hidden for good.

#1 You two work together

When you’re scorching bedsheets with your work colleague, it may not be a wise decision to bring it out in the open at the workplace, unless you are pretty sure of your relationship and want to go ahead with it. Revelations about your office love may spell the end to your professionalism, as many organizations do not entertain co-workers’ romance.

And how weird is it for everyone else working with you two if you guys decide to call it quits and break up in a month? [Read: What you need to do when a relationship with a coworker ends]

#2 After a recent break-up

Breaking up with someone you’ve loved for a long time is a painful experience and if your new partner has broken up recently, it becomes a part of your own relationship.

Your partner may have been deeply in love with their ex, and may have jumped into a relationship with you, without fully realizing it *cue rebound relationship music*. And now, this person may find it awkward to introduce you to their friends or family, in fear of being seen as someone who moved on from a long term relationship in no time.

[Read: The signs you’re the rebound guy she’s using to get over her own guy]

[Read: The clearest signs you’re the rebound girl he’s using to get over his girl]

Have a conversation with your partner and find out if you’re a spontaneous rebound or if there’s even hope for true love. If they can’t reassure you about their affections, or are still confused even after a few dates, you’re on shaky grounds.

Secret love and hidden relationships

There may be other genuine reasons for you or your new partner to keep the relationship a secret. While it may seem flattering at first, the sway of excitement could soon turn into insecurity. Always consider the long term effect of being in such a secret relationship.

The fact is, in a secret relationship, you eventually reach a point where either the relationship must come to the fore or it must end. Shakespeare once said “all the world’s a stage and all the men and women are merely players”. Avoid acting out your own Romeo and Juliet scenario in real life, because the drama is not real but the inflicting pain sure is.

[Read: How to get over someone who used you, and feel whole and powerful again]

Does your partner want a secret relationship? Accept the lure of secret love only if you genuinely believe this person, which is almost impossible to do. If you ever get a shred of doubt, walk away or have them clear the air on your secret love status.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...