18 Rules to Get a Guy to Text You First If You Don’t Want to Appear Too Eager

Texting can be confusing, so you want to know how to get a guy to text you first. Here is how guys text and what to do to get him to initiate them.

how to get a guy to text you first

The dating game can be really frustrating. There are so many “rules,” and they can get confusing after a while. He has to text first, you have to text first, you can’t send more than one text in a row, and you can’t respond within an hour. There’s so much to keep up with! It’s annoying, but when you learn how to get a guy to text you first, it all changes.

Why is it important to wait for a guy to text you first now and then? 

When you like a guy, it’s tempting to text him all the time. But you don’t want to annoy him, do you? Maybe he doesn’t like texting that much. Or maybe he’s not that into you.

If you text him first all the time, then you won’t know how he really feels. Is he only texting you back to be nice? Is he annoyed that he has to text you so much? You won’t know until you stop texting him first.

As a rule of thumb, if a guy is initiating texts with you, then he likes you. If he isn’t, then the jury is still out on that because it could go either way. 

So, it’s important to give him a chance to reveal his true feelings by holding off on your texts.

How guys text

One thing you also need to know is that guys and girls have different texting styles. They just think about it differently. So, here are a few things to know.

1. They keep it short and sweet

Most guys don’t like texting. Girls tend to really like it, but guys don’t. So, that’s why they keep their texts short and to the point. To them, it just doesn’t make sense to spend a lot of time texting someone.

So, this means you can’t get a great read on a guy if his texts are brief. He may like you even if it sounds like he doesn’t. [Read: When a guy stops texting you every day – why and what you NEED to do]

2. They don’t like marathon texting

They have a life, so they don’t want to be texting non-stop all day. But you shouldn’t take it personally. If he likes you, he’ll probably do it. But if he doesn’t, he probably won’t. They just think texting marathons are overkill, and then the conversation gets stale.

3. They tend to be careful when they text

A lot of guys can be calculated when they text. But if he really likes you, then he doesn’t have much of a filter. He will probably start being honest with you and stop playing games. If he sounds silly or different, it might be because he likes you a lot.

4. They take their time to respond to texts

No one likes waiting a long time for someone to text them back. But because they don’t usually like texting, they might purposely wait to answer you.

The reasons could be varied, but it could be a tactic to not get the conversation flowing too quickly. They are putting on the brakes, so to speak, in order to slow it down. [Read: How often should a guy text you if he likes you and other texting secrets]

5. They initiate texts for a reason

While girls like to just text for fun, guys usually text when they have a goal. For example, if he’s trying to set up a date or ask a specific question, he’ll text. It’s not as fun for them to just text for no reason. Not that it doesn’t happen, it’s just less common for them than it is for girls.

6. They don’t use as many emojis

Girls are allowed to be more expressive with their emotions, so that’s why they tend to use a lot more emojis than guys do.

Sometimes, when a girl uses too many, guys get a bit confused. They don’t want to take the time to figure out what they mean. Sure, a smiley face is fine. But other than that, it’s too much. *Unless you notice your man using lots of emojis as well, which in that case, fire away!*

7. If they like you, they’ll ask you questions

If you don’t know if a guy likes you or not, pay attention to how many questions he asks you. When they like a girl, they always try to keep the text conversation going by asking her personal questions.

But if he’s not doing that, he’s probably not into her. [Read: How to stop texting someone when that’s all you want to do]

8. They don’t take texting very seriously

Guys just don’t understand why girls think texting is so important. For example, they would be confused about why you would be upset if he didn’t text you enough one day. Even if they like a girl a lot, they won’t text the exact way you want them to. So, you shouldn’t read too much into their texting habits.

Some guys aren’t even worth trying to get them to text first

While some guys just play hard to get by not texting you first, others just don’t care. Harsh? Maybe, but it’s the truth. If you just can’t get a guy to text you back no matter what, he probably just doesn’t like you enough to want to talk to you.

The guy you want to make an effort with is the one who actually likes you. He makes an effort during the conversation, and you have a real connection. But for some reason, he always lets you reach out first. [Read: What it means when he never texts you first but always replies]

How to get a guy to text you first when he never does

Some guys love chatting via text, and others actually hate it. That being said, if a guy likes you, you’ll be able to get him to text you first with a little help from us. Follow some of these tips, and he’ll be texting you first in no time.

1. Stop being available

You can’t just be free all the time. The more time he thinks you have to dedicate to him, the less likely it is that he’ll reach out and text you first. Plus, if you text him first all the time, he’ll probably assume you have the time to do it all the time.

So keep your distance. Don’t outright ignore or avoid him, but don’t be there whenever he wants you to be. The more he misses you, the more he’ll want to reach out and talk to you first. [Read: Signs you’re way too available for a guy]

2. Give him a reason to text you

Why would he text you? Think of all the reasons he has aside from the fact that you think he likes you. Do you have decent conversations together? Does he see you doing stuff online and want to chat about it?

The point here is to prompt him to text you by posting something online you know he’ll want to see. If he sees you sharing stuff he’s into, he’ll probably reach out and comment on it.

3. Determine how much he likes to text

Some guys really just don’t like texting. They’re just not the type to spend hours on their phone. Some guys prefer to talk in person or even to talk on the phone.

He might indulge you in conversation every now and then, but if he hates texting, he probably won’t be the one to initiate it in the first place. If he keeps the conversation short or tries to transition discussions to in-person, he doesn’t like texting.

You really can’t do much about this if that’s the case. Instead, just try to remember this and tell him to text you when he’s free. Giving him the instruction might help. [Read: Rules to follow when he stops texting you]

4. Stop texting him first

If you want to know how to get a guy to text you first, remember that it’s all about being absent and making him miss you. Stop texting him first and tell him you have to get going. This is also a great opportunity to tell him to text you later, so the ball is in his court.

The main idea, though, is to get him to want to talk to you more. So by dipping out when the conversation isn’t over, you’ll leave him wanting more.

5. Have a great time with him

Think about it. What’ll make a guy want to talk to a girl? When he likes her a hell of a lot. The more fun you have together, the more he’ll want to talk to you.

So the next time you two get together, make sure you have more fun. Laugh a lot more and tell more jokes. Make him miss you the second you leave his side, and you’ll probably even have a text waiting for you when you get home. [Read: 20 fun and unconventional date ideas you can try]

6. Give him a reason to remember you

When you talk to him or even hang out, make him remember you. He has to think about you when he gets home and even randomly throughout the day if you want him to text you first.

That means you need to make a great impression. One way to do this is to just be funny. Make some jokes and laugh at his jokes. The more fun you have with him, the more he’ll remember you.

7. Get along with his friends

This is assuming you’ve already met them and have hung out together. It’s becoming more and more common for guys to bring the girls they might want to date around their friends first just to see how she fits in.

You definitely want to fit in. The better you get along with his friends, the more likely he’ll be to text you. They’ll not only give him the okay to hang out with you, but he’ll be impressed and in awe of you.

8. Call him out on it

In all honesty, he might not even realize what he’s doing. He also could just expect your texts and therefore won’t make the effort since he knows they’re coming.

Just ask him why he never texts you first. Tell him you love texting him first but aren’t sure when he’s free or when you may be bothering him. More likely than not, he’ll fix this. [Read: What to talk about on a first date]

9. Tell him to text you later 

As we mentioned above a couple of times, this is such a good way to get a guy to text you first. It might be annoying that you have to ask him, but just do it. Tell him to text you when he’s free so you can ask him something.

You have to actually ask him something, though. This tactic just works better because he’ll sit around wondering what on earth you have to ask him.

10. Accept that he might not be into you

Guys who never text first but still respond are either not into texting, dumb, or not into you. If you’ve determined the other two aren’t the case, he could just not be that into you.

Accept this and stop texting him altogether. This may also get him to come around and actually text you first. However, if he’s not really into you, you may not hear from him again. [Read: Am I texting too much? 16 signs they think you’re a clingy texter]

Final thoughts

You might be thinking, what do guys think of girls who always text first? Or can a guy be interested in a girl if he never texts first? Well, it depends on the guy and how much he likes you. 

But here is something to consider. If you have to figure out strategies to get a guy to text you first, is he really worth it? Don’t you want to be with a guy who can’t wait to talk to you over text? Because that’s what is important here – his level of interest in you.

So sure, you can try all of these tricks. But think about whether or not it’s worth it.

[Read: Should I text him first? Find the answer using these steps]

Learning how to get a guy to text you first can save you a lot of heartaches – if he actually likes you. It’s all about making him like you and want to see you again. Do that, and he’ll text you first all the time.


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