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Sex With Your Ex: Why We Desire It & the Good & Bad of Sleeping with an Ex

Why is sex with an ex so darn irresistible? Find out why we want it so badly, and read about the perfect times to have sex with an ex and the imperfect times when we should avoid it.

ex sex

Sleeping with an ex is undeniably one of the biggest temptations in human libido’s history.

Many men and women fantasize about sleeping with an ex and mull over the options they have in that tranquil moment.

Some skim the surface with their feet, while others wade in knee-deep waters to see how it feels.

On the other hand, we have a few who rush and dive into it, and others who strongly believe that one should never ever set foot on that beach. So what’s it like for you?

Have you ever tried getting back with an ex just to have sex one more time?

Sleeping with an ex

There’s nothing good or bad about getting back with an ex again, even if it’s just for sex. You’ve done it before, and now that you’ve broken up, you want to do it again. But can it affect your life in more ways than just a good night of sex?

Forgetting the past

Forgetting the past is one of the hardest things to do. In most cases, no one really ever forgets. Exes just mask their inner desires and move on with their new lovers. We’ve all heard that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and we should just forget about the one we’ve lost and move on. [Read: Contacting an ex]

But can you really do that? Whichever way you look at it, there’s always a temptation to try finding the same ex-fish all over again. And it’s harder to handle emotions if you and your ex share the same workspace or common friends.

You may have been in a relationship with your ex for a week, a month, or perhaps even a year or more. But the moment you reel your fishing line back in, in the hope of moving on, you have to forget all about your ex and look for another fish.

The best thing you could do at these times is stop fishing for a while, or you could go to another shore and try catching a better fish. [Read: How to get over a broken heart]

Getting back with an ex for sex

But however much you hated your fishy ex, you’d still miss the connection. It’s obvious because both of you have shared so much together, even though there was more yelling and fighting than loving moments. A part of you would always want to get back with your ex or at least sleep with your ex just to calm all those emotions.

Even if it were the worst relationship, you’d still want to wade in and test the waters, in the hope of getting lucky.

But think out of the box for once. Would sleeping with an ex, even if it was just for sexual gratification, help you overcome your old feelings and walk on? After being so close to another person, everything from glances across the room to ass-out embraces turn awkward, because of the raging chemical reactions inside your bodies. So can you really survive sleeping with an ex?

Raking old urges

Firstly, I don’t intend on forcing you to accept that having sex with an ex is bad. Believe me, I really don’t think it is! But the after-effect of a good bang with your ex is a splitting heartache, in most cases.

Why? Because the sex would feel so damn good that you’d start believing that there’s still a lot of chemistry between you and your ex, that’s why.

Everyone knows that first time sex with an ex is the best sex in the whole wide world. It’s like a burning ball of lust that explodes in one magical instant! But nevertheless, can you just bang your ex and not feel even one teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy connection of flickering love.

Aww… c’mon now, you softball… You know you’d have all those lovey-dovey feelings rushing back into your head, the same way it rushes to your loins!

Sleeping with an ex will be the best sex you’ve had, and it will always confuse you and make you wonder if you should get back again.

When love and sex collide

Even if you do suppress the fact that you still have strong emotions about your ex, sleeping with your ex would only make you want more. And more and more. After all, just the thought of grabbing and bumping or just plain bumping with an ex is hormone-stirring, isn’t it? And why not, the urge has always been there, and both of you know everything about each other, sexually or otherwise.

The thought of bedding your ex is like taking a vacation to your favorite holiday spot. Irrespective of whether you’ve been there last week or a decade ago, you just can’t wait to go there again.

On the flip side, just because you’ve broken up doesn’t mean one of you may not be in love with the other. Sometimes, people are just not ready to separate from an old lover, even if it takes years. When this is the case, a short fling may actually make things worse, or one of you may try convincing the other to give the relationship one more chance. And what do you think are the chances of that working out?

Buddies or Booty calls?

After a break up, there are three paths you can choose.

One, burn the bridge and walk away.

Two, stick around and be friends.

Three, give some space and try hooking up again for a fling, which eventually leads to an on-off relationship.

But irrespective of which path you pick, you’d still have a soft spot for your ex. Of course, you would, considering that your ex was special, and knew you in and out, emotionally and physically. And most importantly, you used to get physical too. So what happens now, when it’s all over between the both of you? Do you just forget that either of you existed?

In some cases, exes share a platonic relationship. In most cases, exes hook up now and then.

A good friend of mine is a collector of exes [Read: How to text flirt]. She keeps in touch with all her exes and calls on them occasionally, when she’s just plain ol’ bored. She loves doing it because it keeps her sex life exciting and unbelievably passionate, and of course, the men don’t speak about it because, as we know, sleeping with an ex is taboo!

Every time we meet a fond ex, our hearts fill with moist love. And there’s also the intense spark of lust that springs up if you meet an ex after ages.

Sexual attraction and exes

You know how it feels, a simple touch can be electrifying.

Remember your ex from college, the same one who makes your legs go weak even now?

Imagine you bump into the same person tonight, and guess what, that person has now become one of the hottest things in the room.

What do you do after you say hello, hug and grab a drink?

Would you be able to resist having sex with an ex, if there’s no one to hold you back? [Read: The flirting touch]

Having sex with an ex

Straight from the horse’s mouth, try to avoid having sex with an ex unless it’s inevitable.

It’s hard enough to stay friends after a break up. It’s not worth it to jeopardize a good memory on something like a hook-up. Hook-ups tend to mess your relationships a lot more, and it can also hold you back from getting involved with other new and more meaningful relationships.

The issue can get a lot worse if you’re already in love with someone else. If an ex isn’t worth dating and this new love interest is, then why keep fall for the lusty fling of an ex?

Having an affair with an ex

When you break up with someone, you’re trying to take a step forward and move on in life. Trying to have a have sex with an ex is very easy, but it’s also madness.

Not only would it make you feel guilty, it can also confuse you. On one hand, you’d think about an ex with whom the sex felt so good it makes you wanna cry. On the other, you have a new lover who is deeply in love with you, but somehow, the routine sex is a wee bit less fascinating. [Read: Having an affair with a married man]

If you really want to have sex with an ex, do it if you’re certain there’s no interest in anything beyond sex. It’s not ethical, but it’s the hair of the horny dog.

Many believe it’s acceptable when you’re desperate for sex, when you really don’t care for that person anymore emotionally or otherwise. If that’s the case, call your ex and try hooking up, but never make it a regular routine. And don’t have sex with your ex if you’re seeing someone else. It’s never really worth it. And you’d realize how stupid you’ve been the second both of you have orgasmed in bed.

When is having sex with an ex hot?

Having sex with an ex is a good thing if you are single, and so is your ex. It can give you the much needed break from sexual frustrations. And it makes things easier.

Hooking up with someone new just for recreational values can be quite long and winding. But with an ex, both of you know exactly what the other person wants, and you can skip the part where you run around trees and get straight to bed.

Sex with an ex is like getting intimate with someone you know and trust, and they can provide the perfect mix of pleasure and security. You’re not treading on any new ground, you know what to expect, and you like that.

When is having sex with an ex not hot?

If you must really know the truth, having sex with an ex rarely ends up as sweet and enjoyable as you think. It may just be the chemicals in our bodies, or something deeper, but almost always, an attachment is formed with an ex after sex, where you’d be left with mixed feelings.

One part of you would just want to fall in love with your ex again, while the other part knows the relationship can’t really last. Mostly, at some point, you’d have to choose between your ex and your present amore, or you may just end up having an affair.

I hope you do remember this is your ex we’re talking about. There’s a reason the relationship didn’t work out the first time around.

It takes a certain amount of control to judge a sex buddy a.k.a. ex lover as something purely physical and nothing more. An occasional hook up now and then has every chance of blooming into a passionate relationship. And let’s face it, do you really think you can survive the romance together with all the differences coming up all over again? [Read: How to find love]

Are you fu*king or falling in love?

It’s not easy to leave emotions out of the picture. You may think you’re James Bond or one of his lusty women who can just swing, jump and walk away without a second look, but walking out of your ex’s bedroom wouldn’t be easy. Feelings and hopes of a second chance start springing up now and then, and with each round of good sex, you can’t help but think “hey, the sex is awesome, should I give this relationship another go?”

Are both of you surely out of love? Fat chances are, one of you may still be in love with other, and keep it a secret.

This is especially true in recent break ups where one partner is ready to accept anything just to have more contact with the ex. This sort of a relationship is the worst, because everything starts to spiral around lust and love, and it tends to get nasty when one of you wants out.  Even otherwise, old wounds open up, and very soon, both of you would be left wondering “are we having a fling or have we got back together?!” [Read: Fuck buddy guide]

Sex with an ex – The verdict

Remember, having sex with an ex is hot, but as with everything else that’s exceptionally good, there are several snappy reactions that can come into the picture.

As tempting as it can be, focus on why you broke up with your ex in the first place. And if you have to be friends, try not to think of them as moving sex toys. It may feel nice at first, but it only takes a few passionate nights together in bed to bring back the old memories of a love that never was, and a few more nights of carnal abuse to mess your world up.

So have sex with an ex if you think you’ve got nothing to lose. But otherwise, keep your privates as far away from each other as possible.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...