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Nervous About Sex: Are You Feeling the Jitters with a New Partner?

Feeling jittery about bumping uglies with someone new? Feeling nervous about sex is totally normal, but why not look at it as a new adventure?

nervous about sex

What if they think you’re bad at sex or something embarrassing happens? What if they don’t like my body? How about if they’re terrible in bed? The list of potential questions goes on and on, but do you know what the real outcome is likely to be? They’re just as nervous about sex as you are, and they’re not at all bothered what your body looks like. They’re just super-thrilled to be getting you into bed!

The thrill of falling for someone new

When you meet someone new, there are a million exciting and confusing emotions floating around your body. You get butterflies whenever they text you. When you’re due to see them you can’t contain your excitement, and when they smile? Oh, the adrenaline!

Of course, at some point in a relationship, hook up, or whatever you want to call it, sex will come into the equation. Perhaps it won’t *which is totally fine too*. In most situations, the lead up to the first sexual encounter with someone new can be a seriously nervy prospect. [Read: The secrets to creating a more memorable first kiss]

What your potential partner is experiencing

I am a woman, so I can only speak from a woman’s perspective, but I’m sure most men think the same way too. We get so transfixed on one particular thing about our bodies, usually something like “What if they see my stomach and think I look fat?” It deflates all the fun and excitement out of the experience.

The truth is that they’re not bothered whether your stomach is fat, thin, or otherwise. Instead, they’re obsessing over a part of their body they’re convinced you’ll judge them on!

Men and women alike find sex for the first time with a new partner daunting, whether they admit it or not. Of course, you’ll get the confident Lothario or sexy siren who takes sex with a new partner completely in their stride. But, do you think they don’t have the slightest inkling of sex nerves? Of course, they do! They’re human too! [Read: How to free your mind and relax during sex]

Sex should be fun

The bottom line is that sex is supposed to be fun. Yes, it’s about creating a deep connection with someone new, and yes, in its most basic form it’s supposed to create new life. When you take away all the serious stuff, it’s about two people enjoying something fun together. Why should that make you nervous?

Okay, so the naked side of things can be a little awkward. If you love your body, your new partner will love it too!

How to get over feeling nervous about sex

First things first, everyone feels nervous about sex with someone new the first time. However, there is a difference between feeling a little nervous and feeling so paralyzed with fear that it just doesn’t happen.

If you are that terrified, the fact is that you’re just not ready. In that case, wait until the fear isn’t there. Get to know this person more and feel more comfortable. [Read: How long should you wait before sex?]

Questions to ask yourself if you can’t get over your nerves

If you are still too nervous about sex to attempt it, ask yourself some deep questions.

– Why exactly do you feel this way?

– Have you had a bad experience in the past?

– Is it down to body confidence?

– Is the person you’re considering sleeping with wrong for you in some way?

Think carefully and work through your questions without feeling pressure to have sex. Remember—you don’t need to take your clothes off to make a connection, and if the person lucky enough to be in your life is worth it, they will wait as long as it takes.

Overcoming the sex butterflies

If it is simple butterflies or nerves, this is something you can overcome. Fake the confidence, if you want to take this step *I mean super, super-sure*. The more you fake it, the more you’ll feel it. This is the only situation related to sex where faking anything is deemed okay!

Make yourself feel good. Wear the clothes you feel confident and sexy in, pamper yourself, do your hair. Basically, give yourself a little TLC. That will boost your confidence and make you feel good. When the time comes, remember that your partner is probably feeling just as nervous about sex for the first time as you are. [Read: First time naked with your lover? The common fears all of us have]

Take perfection out of the equation

Strike the expectation of it being perfect totally out of the equation. It’s very unlikely to be perfect. What is perfect anyway? If you’re expecting sex to be a well-lit, extremely sexy, and alluring experience, you’ve watched too many films.

Sex is awkward and a little embarrassing sometimes. There are wet patches where there probably shouldn’t be wet patches, strange noises, and even stranger facial expressions. It’s all part of the deal!

Putting too much pressure on the perfect encounter just leads to you freezing in the moment and not enjoying it. Remember, sex is supposed to be enjoyable, otherwise what is the point?! Relax. Go with the flow. Wherever the flow takes you.

Know that you can stop at any time if you feel uncomfortable and also remember to communicate! Tell them what feels good, give a little gentle encouragement, and keep everything light. Being too serious about a subject which most people cringe about is not going to make for the most enjoyable experience!

Just go for it!

The final way to get over your nerves? Just go for it. If you’re sure it’s what you want and you’re just a little nervous about it going well, seriously, just go for it. You’ll see that you were worrying about nothing. No doubt our partner feels similarly.

Encouraging each other that you want to have sex and you’re happy it is happening is enough to dispel worries and fears, and lighten the mood. From there, throw yourself into it *not literally, obviously* and enjoy the moment. The best sex is always the most lighthearted. Save the meaningful, intense sexual encounters for a later date. [Read: The 10 big rules of spending the first night together]

Why sex isn’t the be all and end all

We put so much attention on sex, but is it really all that matters? No! If your nerves keep you putting it off, that’s equally as fine. Sex really isn’t the be all and end all. Instead focus on building up the sexual tension, flirting a little, and getting to a point where you really can’t wait anymore!

Bonus–you’ll both have fun playing around, talking, and getting to know each other. And you create a bond which goes far beyond naked Twister, or whatever you’re into.

If the first time is a slight disaster, e.g. someone got a leg caught in a bed sheet and fell over—laugh about it! Sex is taken so seriously these days, and when you think about what it really is, it’s actually quite funny! Take the sting out of the nerves and enjoy the moment. If it goes wrong, it doesn’t matter! Always fall back on your sense of humor.

[Read: Sex with a new partner: How to start your new adventure with a bang]

Everyone feels nervous about sex for the first time with a new partner. It’s totally normal and to be expected!

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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