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The 10 Rules of Spending the First Night Together

The first time you sleep with someone is filled with excitement, but there’s also the potential for mishaps. Here’s what you need to know.

spending the first night together

Getting in the sack with someone new is always an exciting experience. You never really know what’s going to happen. In some cases, you may be surprised that the prim and proper lady or the chivalrous gentleman may turn out to be a real freak between the sheets.

We’ve all had some pretty good and pretty bad first night experiences. But some of the horrible first time stories don’t need to happen to you too! In fact, there are a ton of things that you can do to prevent a horrible first time with someone you’re really into.

How to have a hassle-free first night together

Though there’s no surefire way to prevent possible embarrassing scenarios, you can keep these tips to reduce the odds of anything untoward happening to you.

#1 Stay safe. Don’t count on each other to have protection. You need to bring your own. In cases where you’re just casually dating, and you find yourselves in bed together, it’s time to have the contraceptive talk. There should always be a condom on hand to avoid unwanted pregnancies and dreaded STDs. If you’re already in a long term relationship, it may also be a good idea to get yourselves tested before you get frisky.

In addition to sexual safety, you must also keep your physical safety in mind. If you’re headed to your date’s place for a bit of fun, make sure you tell someone you trust where you’re going and who you’ll be with. It may seem like something only the most paranoid people would do, but trust us when we say it’s better to be safe than sorry.

#2 Set the mood. There are tons of ways you can set the mood and help you both relax before getting into the sexy part of the date. You can play some music you both enjoy, use a couple of aphrodisiac aromatherapy candles or even have a glass of wine or two. Plus points if you have some mood lighting handy in your place. Just don’t overdo the mood-setting as you don’t want to make your house look like a cheap hotel.

If you’ve been planning to have your date over to your house, it’s also important that your place is presentable. Get rid of the obvious clutter and make sure nothing stinks. If you have a pet at home, it also helps to clean up the litter box and eliminate traces of fur on your furniture. [Read: Bedroom décor tips to set the mood]

#3 Keep yourself groomed. You don’t need to get it all waxed off down there. Just a few snips to keep things clean would do. Aside from hygiene down there, you should also take care of hygiene everywhere else. Sex can be a pretty sweaty activity, so slather on the deodorant where it’s needed.

For those unexpected first times, one way you can get your hygiene in check is by hopping into the shower together. When all those couples opt for the bed for their first encounter, you can jazz it up a bit by having your first time in the shower. Not only are you both squeaky clean, but you can also get creative with different positions!

#4 Embrace the awkwardness. You’re not professional porn stars, so you’re not expected to be experts at what to do. There will be awkward moments when you’re exploring each other’s bodies, particularly if you’re getting it on in the dark. Tangled limbs and getting squished are all part of the first time experience. Don’t let the awkwardness suck the fun out of what you’re doing, and instead, learn to laugh it off.

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, but before you can smoothly glide from one move to another, you will make a couple of mistakes along the way. Don’t think of those moments as something that would turn your partner off, because your partner is more likely to admire your sense of humor when you learn to laugh at the awkwardness.

#5 Try your best to be as relaxed as possible. Women oftentimes worry that their partners think they’re too fat, too flat, too jiggly or just not that sexy. Men, on the other hand, are worried that they’ll come too soon or that they’re not big enough to please a woman.

To be honest, your little insecurities about your body may not even be such a big deal to your partner. In other words, you’re breaking a sweat for nothing! Find the confidence within you and own this moment. Don’t let your insecurities prevent you from having the best first time sex of your life! [Read: 8 steps to get your body confidence back in the bedroom]

#6 Avoid anything too kinky or extreme. It’s the first time. You don’t want to scare your partner off with whips, chains and gags! If that’s the type of thing you’re into, it’s best to talk it over before actually whipping your paraphernalia out. Otherwise, your partner might jump back into his or her clothes and run!

Slowly introduce your little fetishes by talking about it beforehand. You can suggest it or subtly mention it in your conversations. “Have you ever tried [insert your kinky fetish] before?” Then you can check if your partner would be violently opposed to it or willing to give it a try. [Read: 10 tips to help you open up about your kinky side]

#7 Be sparing with your best moves. The excitement of sleeping with someone new can be so overwhelming, that you want to try all your best moves at the same time. Not only will you exhaust yourself, but your partner might start expecting all of them in the future. Now THAT’s exhausting!

Instead of doing everything your previous partners have enjoyed, just do one special move at a time and get your partner accustomed to it. Then, during your next tryst, try a different move. This would add variety and can keep your partner coming back for more. [Read: 8 naughty little moves guys wish you’d do]

#8 Speak up. Of course, you want to please your partner, but your partner also wants to please you. Make it easier on both of you by being vocal about what you want or don’t want. Don’t fake pleasure to spare your partner’s feelings, because your encounters would be based on the mistaken assumption that you like what they’re doing.

This is especially true for women who are serial orgasm fakers. Don’t do it, ladies! You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment in future encounters! Likewise, if you genuinely enjoy something, make sure your partner knows about it so that they can do it more often.

#9 After the sex is done, try to act as normal as possible. Sex isn’t a contract that instantly puts you in a relationship, so don’t start calling your partner little pet names. And don’t start acting cold and distant just to see how far your partner would go to woo you. In short, just avoid the silly mind games and keep it casual. Reserve the “where is this going” questions for after the sex-fueled hormones have gone to their normal levels.

#10 Don’t overstay your welcome. There are tons of techniques that both men and women use when they want someone out of their beds after sex. Being told to get out can hurt, but having your partner hint that you should go can also sting. Instead, prepare yourself for the possibility that you won’t be staying over your partner’s place or come up with an excuse to leave before you get shooed out.

Having sex with someone doesn’t necessarily give you a ticket to stay over for as long as you like. Fight the temptation to stake a claim on the new territory after you’ve slept with its resident (e.g. wearing his clothes, putting your stuff in a drawer or helping yourself to the fridge). Remember, you’re still a visitor, and you’d need to leave sometime. [Read: 8 steps to take the shame out of the walk of shame]

Whether you’re looking to keep it casual or have a serious relationship with someone, the first time you have sex can make a pretty big impression. Make it a good one by keeping these tips in mind.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...