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How to Initiate Sex & 25 Seductive Ways to Take the Lead in Bed

Knowing how to initiate sex can be the difference between feeling super-awkward about it, and getting it on like a pro. Forget the nerves!

how to initiate sex

Let’s be real, if you’ve been with the same partner for a while, sex can get a little boring. You may even realize that after the initial honeymoon phase is over, your once always-horny significant other just doesn’t seem to want it. And that means you need to learn how to initiate sex to get them in the mood.

You can’t just go up to your partner and say, “let’s have sex.” It just doesn’t work. Maybe it will occasionally, but it won’t be very exciting and the sex will be underwhelming.

Maybe you’re used to your partner always initiating sex. But why not be the one to take the lead this time?

If you’re a woman, then this is usually what happens. We tend to rely on the man to make the first move. However, you cannot always wait for the guy to feel horny, so you need to know how to initiate sex and turn up the heat. Sometimes, you need to stop feeling shy or awkward and take the plunge.

And if you’re a man scared to make the first move, well, you have to fix that or else you’ll wait the rest of your life. [Read: How to initiate sexting and make your partner hot and horny for you]

Spicing up your sex life can save your relationship

We know a relationship is more than just sex, but getting frisky with each other plays a huge role. Intimacy is important. You bond and build a stronger connection when you get vulnerable and have sex.

Many couples have the most issues when their sex life is lacking. Their communication gets thrown off and they end up feeling distant from one another.

So even though your partner may not be in the mood, get them in the mood. Learn how to initiate sex in an alluring and new way. [Read: 24 really sexy ways to arouse a man and get him in the mood even if he isn’t in the mood]

How to initiate sex and turn on your lover

There’s definitely a right and wrong way to initiate sex. If you do it the wrong way, you won’t get anywhere. Knowing how to initiate sex with your partner in a way that makes them eager to hop in bed with you is the secret to a healthy sex life.

You both want to have sex. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of who is willing to put in the work to turn the other on. If that’s you, then you’re in the right place. Find out how to initiate sex in new, enticing ways. [Read: 9 non-sexual turn-ons that arouse girls instantly]

1. Get an early start

If you want to have sex with your significant other that night, you should start initiating it early in the day. The best way to do this is by sending little texts or even naughty pictures while they’re at work.

Don’t just make it silly. Take it seriously and send them things you know would get them excited. Something as simple as, “I can’t stop thinking about the last thing we did in bed,” is enough to make them picture it.

Build the anticipation and they’ll be ready when they come home. [Read: Sexting ideas – 14 sexy tips to effortlessly sext like a real pro]

2. Pamper them

A great way to start initiating sex is to just pamper your partner. Draw them a bath, give them a nice back rub, and make them feel great. You can even give them a little foot massage and work your hands up their body.

When your partner is relaxed and they feel pampered, they’ll be more open to your advances. This makes it much easier to just start kissing them and get the ball rolling.

3. Do it sneakily

Knowing how to initiate sex with your significant other can sometimes mean getting a little sneaky. Oftentimes, this type of initiation comes after they basically said no to your previous advances.

Pretend that you’ve given up and then be sneaky about it. Give them a little massage and slowly work your hands down while kissing their neck.

The trick here is to just be very slow and subtle about it. Turn them on without being obvious about the fact that you want sex. [Read: Subtle conversation starters to get you both really horny]

4. Put on something sexy

We all know just how much visual stimulation can get someone worked up. So go out and get something you know your significant other will love.

It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Something simple that you know they’ll appreciate can be enough to initiate sex without you even saying a word. [Read: How to dress for sex – Secrets to look sexier for your man and arouse him]

5. Make them a nice dinner and turn up the romance

Sometimes you have to make a spectacle out of initiating sex. Turn on your romantic side and make them a really nice dinner.

Pull out all the stops and cook them up something delicious. If you really want to increase your odds of getting laid, feed them aphrodisiacs. [Read: Aphrodisiacs that’ll spice up the night in a sexy way]

6. Go for the classic compliment

Complimenting your partner will always go over well with them. They’ll always love hearing how great they look and how smart they are. It’s something that can’t go bad.

This is also a great way to turn them on. Knowing how to initiate sex is made a lot easier if you know what compliments they like hearing most. If it’s about their job, tell them how much you love how hard they work.

7. Use your hands in all the right places

Your hands can do wonders when it comes to turning on your lover. I’m not just talking about grabbing their genitals, either. If you know how to move them in a way that turns them on, use them.

Give them a back massage with just the right amount of pressure. Scratch their back, run your hand through their hair, and even trace their lips with your fingers. All of these soft, slow touches can get your significant other turned on. [Read: How to give a sensual massage and work your magic hands]

8. Talk about how much they’re turning you on

It will turn on your partner to know that you’re already hot for them. Hearing how horny you are for them without them even touching you can turn them on. They’ll be aroused that you are. So speak up and tell them when you feel that way.

9. Hop in the shower with them

This is another great way to initiate sex while being sneaky. You can just hop in the shower and pretend that you’re actually there to clean yourself off.

But then you can take the soap and help them wash up. Rubbing your hands along their naked body will really get their mind moving in a sexual direction. Who knows, maybe they’ll even start it. [Read: 9 wild ways to have amazing sex in the shower]

10. Send a naughty sext from the bedroom

This is not only a light-hearted way to initiate sex, it’s also very straightforward and fun. Send a sexy picture from the bedroom. You can just take a fully naked picture of you on the bed with a short message like, “I’m waiting for you.”

This will jog their interest right away and that door will be opening in no time. Just make sure to do this during a time you know they’re not super busy around the house. [Read: 25 sexy text messages to initiate dirty talk that lead to naughty conversations]

11. Ladies, straddle him

If your man is distracted and you’re looking for a way to turn him on right away, just straddle him. This move – as long as it’s not during something they’re watching on TV – will get them thinking sexually right away.

With your body pressed up against him in all the right places, he won’t be able to help himself. It works even better if you start kissing him along his neck while straddling him.

12. Get to work on their sensitive zones

Everybody has those few spots that really get them going. You definitely know your partner’s by now. If you want to have sex with them, then start kissing those areas. They’ll be turned on in no time. [Read: Sexual arousal – 15 incredibly arousing ways to get and stay horny]

13. Remember it’s not a man’s job!

If you’re a woman, you may hesitate to do this because you think it’s the man’s job.

Just because he isn’t initiating sex doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have sex. Now, if you do this and he says no, then that’s different. Then, he doesn’t feel like having sex at this moment. But don’t think he’s saying no because he wants to be the one to tell you when you should have sex. [Read: How to turn on a guy – 25 subtle and seductive moves that’ll make him hard in seconds]

14. Don’t overthink it

Please, don’t waste your time overthinking this. Do you want to have sex? Do you want that sex to be with your partner? Okay, great, we have that covered. If yes, then make a move. Don’t overthink if you’re overstepping your boundaries, you’re not.

15. Don’t be embarassed

Many people feel ashamed when initiating sex. Why? Someone has to do it, so why not let that person be you? Don’t be ashamed to initiate sex with your partner. You have needs and you want them fulfilled, your partner cannot read your mind.

16. Feel free to be demanding!

While initiating sex, tell them what you want. You can be demanding – why not?

Plus, it turns them on when you tell them what to do. So, say to them clearly what you want them to do to you and what you want to do to them. Boom! Instant horniness. [Read: Be dominant in bed and command your way to ultimate pleasure]

17. Use your body in every way possible

If you lay on the couch next to your partner, watching a movie, use your body to turn them on. Start rubbing your pelvis against them, rubbing their vagina or dick, massaging their back. You have this entire human body you’re in, so use every inch of it to turn your partner on.

18. Don’t tease if you’re not going to follow through

If you’ve texted your partner all day, sending them naughty pictures and the whole nine yards, you have to follow through. You can’t tease someone like that.

If you don’t want to have sex with them, then don’t start the process. So, if you start sexting your partner, follow through on your words. [Read: 20 kinky things to do with your boyfriend outside the bedroom]

19. Make sure you have time

If you initiate sex, make sure you have the time to actually have sex. There’s nothing worse than someone making a move on you and then two minutes later, they say, “Oh, sorry, I have to actually go now.”

What was the point of all of that then? Quickies are great, but make sure you can have a quickie! [Read: 15 sexy ways to have the hottest quickie within a couple of minutes!]

20. Show them that you want them

Listen, if you’re lying in bed, scrolling on Facebook, it doesn’t show that you want your partner. In fact, it shows them that you don’t want them to touch you.

You need to show them your genuine interest in them. But, since you’re reading this, you want them, so that’s not the problem.

21. Try to make it regular

Don’t just do this every blue moon. You want to make this a regular event. If they usually initiate, they’ll get the hint you want more sex, so they may take the lead.

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t keep initiating sex. It’s nice to not always have to be the one to make a move. So, put some of the work on yourself and give your partner a break. [Read: The best ways to change the way you make love and have better sex]

22. Be creative

When it comes to knowing how to initiate sex in a way that’ll excite your partner, nothing beats creativity. 

Leave flower petals trailing to your bedroom, or make a map of where they need to go. You can answer the door in a costume. Play around with this. Don’t think you’re restricted to doing only one thing. So, be creative. Sex isn’t supposed to be only serious, you can laugh during the build-up.

23. Try the straightforward approach

If you’re someone who likes to be straightforward, then use this approach as well. Usually, you’ll get the outcome you want.

In fact, many people like it when their partner says to them, “I want you to f*ck me now.” It’s a real turn-on if you say it confidently. It’s intense and filled with passion.

24. Wake them up

If you want to surprise them, well, why not wake them up in the middle of the night with a hand job/fingering? Or in the morning, wake them up by going down on them. [Read: All the reasons why you should have morning sex more often]

25. Be in bed, ready

You know the look we’re talking about. When you’re already in bed and your partner walks into the room, they look at you and you give them that look—the “I want you” look. They’ll put two and two together really quick.

You don’t have to say anything, just lie there in bed naked, waiting for them. You can wear lingerie, listen, you can look however you want. Just make sure you look like you want to get it on.

[Read: Get the message across – 15 ways to seduce without words]

Learning how to initiate sex can be a process if you’re only used to asking for it. If you do it the right way, it can really make your sex life a lot better. Follow these tips and go get it!

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...