Whether it’s just a slump or your sex life has always been a bit bland, turning up the heat in the bedroom is something everyone’s got to try!
Sex doesn’t have to be boring or tiresome. In fact, it should be the opposite. Just as I was about to start my day, I looked outside the window and saw my neighbor, a woman in her mid-30s, waving at me. I waved back, smiled and then she gestured to meet me in 15 minutes. I wondered why she wanted to come over, but it wasn’t the first time.
As I continued to prepare my coffee, I saw her husband leave for work. I suppose she saw him off and waited until his car disappeared around the corner, before walking towards my house. I welcomed her home and offered her a cup of freshly brewed coffee, we sat down and after the usual pleasantries, she asked me, “How do I rekindle my sex life?”
Rekindling your sex life by knowing yourself
A lot of people think that after a certain age, our sex life becomes obsolete and historic, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Maybe you’re suffering from low libido, stress, added responsibilities or work pressures that may have taken its toll on your sex life. Or maybe you just want to rev up the passion between you and your partner.
This article will help you trash the tired, boring habits and add more spice to your sex life. It’s important to remember that a healthy sex life will demand a lot from you and your partner to make it work. Both you and your partner will have to take responsibility for creating and maintaining an emotional as well as a physical environment, where sex is a natural outcome of a loving relationship.
This clearly means that if you don’t feel good about yourself or if you’re not emotionally or sexually comfortable with your partner, you won’t enjoy good sex. If this is your case, instead of rekindling your sex life, you might want to take some time out to discover your sensuality. [Read: 3 sexy and easy ways to get what you want in bed]
Improving your sex life with a positive sensual environment
If you’re living amid fighting neighbors, crying babies, roaring machines, a 24/7 garage, an airport, and other irritating noise-filled surroundings, you can definitely say goodbye to your sex life. It’s very important that you live in an environment that naturally encourages your sexual feelings to blossom.
#1 External environment. If you live in the heart of a city, or close to an airport or a railway station, for example, I’m not going to tell you to sell your house and look for another one far away. But this also means that you might have to succumb to the environmental noise.
How can you avoid it without compromising your current living conditions? It’s simple – make sure that your house is clean, smells good, and looks good, so when you return back home, you’ll feel good to be back! That’s how you adjust if you have no choice! [Read: 20 sexual problems you can avoid]
#2 Emotional and psychological environment. Apart from your physical environment, even your emotional environment needs to be positive. If you’ve recently experienced an emotional turmoil, it’s best you wait until the storm is clear. In short, you need to be mentally, physically and emotionally happy for your sex life to flow naturally.
If you achieve this, you will feel confident about yourself, and you’ll be able to express your desires and needs with your partner without any hesitation. [Read: 9 issues on a man’s mind when it comes to sex]
Identifying your sexual needs for good sex
My neighbor, who was patiently listening, abruptly asked me, “When’s a good time to have sex?” There’s no perfect time to have sex, it’s not an exercise, a ritual or a game, for that matter! Sex has to be exciting. It has to be thrilling and fun and pleasurable.
Sex can be sexy, but it means that you have to take some risks. Before you take those risks, you need to make sure that you have identified your sexual needs, so you can look forward to a fulfilling sex life. Sexual needs fall under three main categories and they are:
#1 Emotional needs. Are you feeling good about yourself? If this is a yes, please note that anger, depression, anxiety, sadness or any other negative emotion can prevent you from getting in the mood and enjoying your sexual experience.
#2 Relationship needs. Do you feel safe with your partner? Do you feel loved, respected and cared for? You will thoroughly enjoy your sexual experience if you know for a fact that your partner accepts you for what and who you are, and that you’re not judged by your looks, type or performance. Therefore, if your relationship has some unresolved issues, it’s best you work on them first before you proceed further.
#3 Physical needs. This might sound unreal, but there are people who need to feel relaxed and awake in order to fully participate and enjoy their sexual experience. Then there are those who prefer to be in a warm, comfortable room to enjoy their experience.
While some like soft lighting and others like pop music, and some don’t like to be disturbed or overheard. The question you should ask is, “Does the physical environment encourage you to enjoy as a couple?” or more directly, “Is this a place I have in mind to have good sex?”
Comparing your sexual needs to your past
When was the last time you had good sex? If you remember, take a piece of paper and write down two occasions when you thoroughly enjoyed your sexual experience. Also note down two occasions where your sexual experiences were disappointing. Now compare the two experiences and list down your:
#1 Emotional factors. Were you relaxed? Were you thinking about something else?
#2 Relationship factors. Was there anything going on in your relationship that might affect your sexual satisfaction or performance?
#3 Physical factors. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong day? Were there too many distractions?
Write how you felt before, during and after your sexual experience, and once this is complete, use this information to build your personal list of sexual needs!
After discussing this, my neighbor asked, “You know how tired we all get from work and household chores. By the time he returns, he’s tired and not interested. How can I change that?” Well, you can always offer to give a massage, but I’ll leave that up to you. Maybe you should add some spice to your sensual space, and who knows, it just might work its magic!
Spicing up your sensual space
Imagine that you’re living in a small apartment that isn’t organized, or worse, you don’t have enough cupboards and your clothes are stacked up everywhere. How does that make you feel? Grumpy, right? There’s an art to everything, even de-cluttering your house, because your physical space can have a huge impact on how you feel.
Not only that, even the color of your walls, the lighting, and the ventilation affects your mood. Therefore, if you want to ensure a great sexual experience, you must ensure that your home is sensual and attractive to the eye. This doesn’t mean that you should go out and buy expensive pots and vases, just keep it clean and smelling nice! Here are a few more tips.
#1 Visual appeal. Soft lights are definitely recommended, especially for those who want to flatter their bodies. Soft lighting also relaxes and calms your mood. As for colors, think about those that excite you. Throw away those old sheets, and whip out that big red or leopard print duvet to get your hearts racing! [Read: 13 ways to make your bedroom more romantic]
#2 Using sounds to get you in the mood. If you both like music, and if music helps you both get intimate, well, have some on! Whether you prefer jazzy tunes, lots of bass or hardcore metal, procure a copy of your sex music, and play it to get you both in the right mood.
#3 Sensual scents. Get into the habit of wearing your partner’s favorite perfume, and buy an aromatherapy burner that will diffuse the exotic smell of essential oils in your house. Essential oils like jasmine and lavender are known to uplift your mood and boost your sexual energy!
#4 Titillating the taste buds. Did you know that the only way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? A lot of sexually happy couples claim that there’s a strong connection between food and sex. Choose a few taste-tantalizing snacks on a quiet night, and you’ll see how that leads to all sorts of shared sensual pleasures!
[Read: Top 50 kinky ideas for a sexy relationship]
Whatever the circumstances may be, there’s no excuse to be having bad sex with a partner who loves you. Make a few little tweaks in your mindset and your environment to ensure a better connection with your lover!
