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Here’s What to Do When Your Man Prefers His Hand Over You

Sex bonds a couple together and solidifies that emotional connection. So, if your man prefers his hand over yours, does that spell trouble?

your man prefers his hand over you

Do you feel like your man prefers his hand over yours? Do you think that he gets more satisfaction from masturbation than from having sex with you? Firstly, how do you know that? Has he actually told you? The chance of that is slim. As you can see, you’re caught in a communication trap.

One of the most important aspects of any relationship might sound boring, but it’s the crux of everything—communication. If you can’t talk about the things which bother you, problems will mount up from a small issue into something bigger than Mount Everest. When it comes to sex, there is nothing more important than communication.

Throughout the course of life, we all go through stressful times. It often causes us to withdraw from our nearest and dearest. Sometimes we don’t even realize and one of the most common areas to be affected is a couple’s sex life [Read: How to tell how your partner feels and read their mind]

A shocking truth – most men like to masturbate

Most men masturbate. Most peole masturbate. This is just part of life, and it’s a healthy and natural thing to do. Whether someone is married, single, part of a long-term relationship or something else entirely, masturbation is often part of the deal.

Sure, in some cases it’s less than others, but it’s still there. So, it could be that your man doesn’t prefer his hand at all, he’s just engaging in something that’s normal to him, and normal in general. If you’re sat there worrying, thinking “my husband prefers his hand over me” it’s time to get real. Masturbation happens in life and that doesn’t mean he has a preference. [Read: How do you masturbate? 13 different ways to be a hands-on pro]

Ask yourself this – do you masturbate? You probably do. Does that mean you prefer your own hand over your partner’s? You probably do in some ways because you can do exactly what feels good. But, does that mean you don’t want sex with your partner as a result? Or, you don’t enjoy it? Of course not!

However, masturbation can become a problem when you feel inadequate because of it or when it actually gets to the point where your guy is too tired from his own hand to spend intimate time with you. [Read: Intimate questions to ask your partner about sex and build the trust you need]

It’s good to talk

The answer?


It’s awkward to talk about sex, but if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be having it. It’s that simple. There are many reasons why you think that your man prefers his hand over you, but the chances of that actually being the case are slim. If it is the case, that’s something you can explore together and talk about. It’s upsetting, for sure, but you won’t find any resolution in hiding away from the problem. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]

The likelihood is that you might assume that your man prefers his hand over you, but that’s not the case. However, there is one particular issue which sometimes occurs and that is all down to porn.

The truth is that most guys watch porn and enjoy it. Not all guys, of course, but many do. There is nothing wrong with that as long as what he is watching is legal and that he isn’t watching it to the point where it becomes unhealthy. If your guy is watching a lot of porn and getting off to it, there may be a deeper issue at hand. [Read: Ever wondered why men watch porn? Prepare to be enlightened]

The big porn problem

Addiction to porn is a real thing. Not only that, but watching porn too much can completely change a man’s perception of sex. We all know that the sex you see in porn isn’t real; it’s all glamorous with no dodgy noises or faces and everyone is enjoying themselves immensely. It’s not always the case with real-life sex. Sometimes one person is into it more than the other, someone makes a weird face, and you just can’t stop laughing for no particular reason. It’s not glam, but it’s real. [Read: 25 common porn myths that almost all people still believe]

There is help out there for anyone who is addicted to porn but they have to be the one to access that help. You also can’t go around deciding that your man prefers his hand over you simply because he watches a little porn, then assume he has an addiction. Of course, you could always suggest that you watch it together – that might turn your sex life around completely!

All you need to do is realize that for some men this can be an issue, but it’s not necessarily the case for your man. Again, the only way to get to the bottom of the whole thing is through communication. [Read: Porn for couples – Why it might just save your relationship]

My husband prefers his hand over me – what should you do?

The first thing is to sit down and have an open and honest conversation with your partner and tell him how you feel. Don’t accuse him ,and be very careful of the words you’re using and your body language. This is an extremely sensitive subject, and it’s unlikely that he’s preferring his hand because he wants to. There is likely to be something else at play here. Explain how you feel but also make it clear that you want to work through it together to improve things. [Read: 10 steps to take if you want to tell your partner you’re unhappy]

The outcome of that conversation will inform what you do next, but be sure to listen to everything he’s saying. Don’t simply twist everything to what you think it is. It’s normal to feel pushed away when something goes a little awry in your sex life, but this sensitivity could be guiding your actions, rather than what your man is telling you. If he honestly says everything is okay and he hadn’t even realized, believe him, and see how things go.

Has your sex life gone off the boil?

It’s a good idea to ask yourself whether your sexual appetites are actually in alignment. It could be that he has a greater appetite for sex than you do naturally, and he’s simply filling in the time gaps. Perfectly normal! That does not mean your man prefers this hand over you, he’s just enjoying himself.

However hard it might be, don’t take it personally. This isn’t a reflection on you or your bedroom skills. Try and mix things up, do different things, and add a little spice to your relationship. Talk about it together, find out what he wants to try and talk about what you want and then surprise him. Go on, take the initiative and see what happens. It will be fun if nothing else. [Read: What a good sex life should look like in real life]

It’s also important to remember that some men use masturbation as a way to relieve stress. In that case, is your guy under pressure at work or with his studies? Is something going on with his family that he’s not really talking about too much?

Guys deal with stress in different ways. Be open to his methods and understand them… your ways aren’t always the right ways! [Read: How to become a better person in a relationship – and be happier too]

Remember, this isn’t about you

Remember, if you believe your man prefers his hand over you, that might not be the truth. Even if there is a problem, it’s not because of you. It has nothing to do with your bedroom skills, nothing to do with your appearance, nothing to do with how he feels about you. Men can separate sex from their emotions a lot of the time. For him, it could simply be a stress relief thing. The issue is, you won’t know until you talk to him, and having that conversation carefully is key.

In the meantime, distract yourself from the problem and do things that make you feel good. Focus on yourself and be there for your guy at the same time. Try spicing things up in the bedroom if you feel you want to and listen to anything he has to say to you. That’s the only way to overcome a problem in the bedroom.

[Read: The top 10 taboo sex topics we love but never talk about!]

If you feel that your man prefers his hand over yours, it can erode your confidence. But you’re lacking nothing. Talking things through and supporting your partner is how to get your sex life back on track.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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