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10 Telltale Signs Your Partner Isn’t Up for Sex Tonight

Hoping for a little action tonight? If you think you’re getting some, you may be way off the mark. Here are signs that your partner’s not in the mood.

signs your partner isn't in the mood for sex

Let’s be real: Sexual Hercules or vixen extraordinaire that you are between the sheets, your partner isn’t always going to have the same sex drive as you, and sometimes, they’re just not going to want to have sex.

We live in a society that is becoming more and more aware of the need to give sexual consent with the “yes means yes” rule. So even if your partner’s excuses seem like total B.S., you should still respect their decision not to have sex, and never try to guilt them into it. If your partner is full of it, they’re probably just using an excuse so as to not hurt your feelings. Honestly, as much as we wish our partners would just tell us the blatant truth, sometimes, it’s not always such a nice thing to hear.

Signs you won’t get laid tonight

In the meantime, here are 10 giveaways that your partner definitely doesn’t have sex on their mind tonight… So you might as well just find something else to do.

#1 You’ve had a fight. Unfortunately, not all heated arguments are going to result in hot, sweaty make-up sex. If your fight was centered on a particularly sensitive subject, your partner probably got their feelings hurt, and the last thing they want to do is get naked with you.

If you’ve had a serious fight, the type that involves door slamming, tears, and sleeping on the couch, then you should safely assume sex is off the table, at least for tonight! [Read: 8 ways to avoid the awkward tension after an argument]

#2 He’s too tired. Many men stereotype women for using this as a go-to excuse for not wanting to get it on, but the truth is men use this one, too! If you were hoping for some long-lasting, hot oral or scandalous doggy-style tonight, you can safely assume your guy’s not into it when he starts talking about how tired he is.

While this excuse usually garners eye rolls, take a minute to consider that your partner may just be telling the truth. If he’s had a sleepless night, or a long day at a physically demanding job, there are simply going to be times where he’s too tired to spend the 20+ minutes down between your legs.

#3 She has her period. If your girl offers up the info that she got her period today, that can only mean one thing: amidst all of her cramping, aching, bloating, and bleeding, she’s definitely not feeling like period sex. While some women get extremely horny during ovulation and period week, sometimes, period sex is not worth the fantastic orgasm that comes along with it.

It’s messy, there’s a committed level of cleanup afterwards, and it’s not very sexy. The silver lining? You’ve both successfully conquered another month of baby-free, fabulous sex, so give yourselves a pat on the back! [Read: The ultimate guide to period sex]

#4 He made plans with the guys. Getting ditched is the biggest sign you can get that he’s not into shagging tonight. Don’t take it too hard, though. Every guy needs his bro time, just like you need your girl time. Send him a sexy text, and tell him you can’t wait for tomorrow night.

#5 She “doesn’t have time.” If your gal has offered up the excuse that she simply doesn’t have time for your sweet lovin’ tonight, take this one as a sign that she’s just not in the mood, no matter how many times you promise her that it’ll be quick. After all, who doesn’t have 10-20 spare minutes to get your bump and grind on? The truth is, if you want sex you’ll make time for it.

#7 He has a ton of shows lined up for the night. Did your guy greet you at the door, telling you about all of the shows and movies he saved up in order to make tonight a media marathon? If your guy has a night of TV fully planned out to a T, you should probably expect a lack of nookie.

#8 She has a headache. Alright, if she really does have a headache, then it’s a completely justified excuse. Would you want to vigorously ride, or be pounded by your partner with a pounding headache?

She’ll never be able to focus, likely won’t climax, and will probably be wishing for the event to be over, so she can go pop another Advil. If you’ve ever experienced an extreme headache or migraine, then you’ll know that headaches and orgasms do not mix.

#9 Your partner has been in the bathroom for a long time. If your significant other has been making frequent or long trips into the bathroom, assume sex is off the table. After all, there is nothing sexy about diarrhea or constipation!

#10 Your partner is sick. Sniffling, sneezing, coughing, fever, or vomiting? No, this isn’t an ad for a decongestant product. Instead, it’s a list of reasons why your partner isn’t feeling up for a roll in the hay when they’re under the weather. It might even be that they’re just as horny as you are, but can’t seem to get up the energy to get it done. Plus, a drippy nose does not make for sexy sex. Trust me. [Read: How to take care of a sick girlfriend]

It can be frustrating if you feel like your partner is using these reasons as excuses not to have sex, but keep in mind that sometimes they’re not faking it. Regardless of why your partner is giving you the big no, try to be respectful, and always remember: good things come to those who wait!

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Waverly Smith
Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that people...
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