Are you gearing up to lose your virginity? Don’t make your first-time sexual experience a letdown! Here’s how to have the best experience possible.
Losing your virginity has been a huge topic in the sexual blogosphere for the past decade, and for even longer in the real world. Largely based on culture and personal beliefs, people have different opinions on what is right, or when is the perfect time to lose your virginity.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter what age, gender, or sexual orientation you are–there are simply some definite do’s and don’ts when it comes to losing your V-card.
Always remember that, even if you’ve planned your special night out to a T, if the moment doesn’t feel right when you’re in it, don’t do it! Your genitals will still be there for shagging when the moment is right!
How to have a good time when losing your virginity
In the meantime, here are some tips and tricks to give you the best ever first-time experience.
#1 Do it with someone you love. Total cliché? Maybe. Does it have merit? Absolutely. First-time sex is far from how it’s depicted on the big screen or in sexy novels. You likely won’t be experiencing earth-shattering orgasms *ladies, I’m lookin’ at you!*, but you can be building a bond of trust and intimacy if you make it happen with someone you love.
Better to look back and say you did it with someone who cared about you and your needs, than be forced to admit you lost your virginity to a drunken one night stand! [Read: Thoughts on losing your virginity to a one night stand]
#2 Don’t use porn as a teaching tool. As someone who is just starting out their sexual career, you may be tempted to use porn as a teaching tool. If this is your idea of education, you may need to go another route; porn is more likely to make you either a selfish lover or a very misguided one.
For guys: Porn teaches many false lessons, from depicting that women enjoy being slapped in the face *they don’t* as they deep throat your penis and cry their makeup off in the process, to the claim that women are magical orgasming machines, and all you have to do is thrust in and out. Where’s the clit action or the foreplay?
For girls: While there is porn out there for girls, the world of adult film is still largely male-dominated, meaning you won’t be finding much in the way of females enjoying themselves on film. In fact, you’ll be hard-pressed to find porn where a guy is going down on a girl for more than a minute or two. Porn is about angles, not real tips for satisfaction.
Instead of going to adult websites, try getting real sex advice via YouTube from channels such as Sexplanations or Sex+ with Laci Green.
#3 Talk about it beforehand. Do you want to plan out your night with candles, music, and really set the mood? Where are you going to do the deed? Who is providing the protection? This might seem like it’ll take the magic out of the situation, but you’ll find that the more open you are with your partner about your expectations and what turns you on, the more fantastic your sex life will be! [Read: 14 tips to get your partner to open up about sex]
#4 Don’t stress yourself out. It’s natural to be nervous when it comes to getting it on for the first time. Even if you’ve engaged in mutual masturbation or received oral sex, there’s nothing like the full Monty to really show you what it’s all about. For guys especially, stressing about your first time may hinder the process. If you get too worked up about sex, you might end up unable to get hard. Sexual anxiety is common for your first time, but try to keep in mind that sex is supposed to be fun!
#5 Make the mood count. Let’s get to the base line: the sex will probably be bad, but the atmosphere doesn’t have to be! As far as the physical aspect of your first time goes, don’t expect fireworks and magic–especially if you’re a girl. Guys are likely to get over-excited during their first time, and may end up busting their nut quicker than it’s going to take to get the girl “there.” On top of this, girls who have never inserted anything into their vagina before may not experience much sensation, at all.
Because of this lack of orgasmic bliss, you’re going to want to make sure your surroundings are topnotch. Here are a few tips on how you can make your atmosphere worthwhile:
A. Make sure you’re alone. Living with your parents may make getting it on a little more difficult, but if at all possible, make sure your first time is spent in an empty house or in a hotel. This will make both of you much more comfortable, and this allows you to take as much time as you’d like during your session. Bonus perk? Being alone allows you both to be as loud as you want!
B. Create an ambiance. Whether you want to play music, light candles, or have a major massage session before the deed, make sure your surroundings will fully immerse you in the moment. [Read: 13 ways to make your bedroom more romantic]
C. Enjoy each other. Are you both super excited about your impending night together? Awesome! But don’t rush to the finish line. When I look back on my first time, I don’t think about whether or not I came or what kind of technique he used. Instead, I remember how sweet my lover boy was, how special he made the night, and how well he treated me during the whole ordeal.
Take time to enjoy each other, kiss, and get in the moment together. Relax–you will shag, so why rush it? [Read: 10 first time sex tips to make it perfect]
#6 Foreplay is a must. If you’re ready to do the big deed with your partner, odds are you guys have already worked up the sexual chain of command: kissing, heavy petting, dry humping, touching one another’s genitals, oral sex, and now you’re ready for the big one. But remember: just because you’re going to have intercourse, doesn’t mean all of that yummy foreplay should be ignored!
Tease and play with one another beforehand. This is especially important for the female, as she is going to need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm and to become lubricated enough to have sex.
#7 Don’t fake it. Ladies, no matter how much you want to please your man and make him think he got you there… it’s imperative that you not fake it with your guy. Faking it the first time only sets a precedent for you to keep on faking it. Instead of giving him a show, show him the real deal, and let him learn what you need to get you to come.
I can promise you he will be so much more satisfied with himself knowing that he gave you a real orgasm, rather than wondering if your performance was “a bit much.” Whether you’re a male or female, do yourself a favor and never fake it. You deserve real orgasms! [Read: Dry humping and the virgin’s guide to orgasms]
#8 Lube it up. Lubrication is an absolute must for first-timers. Women who are overly nervous may have a hard time getting naturally lubricated. The addition of a little KY will ease any discomfort during the insertion of the penis, as well as allow for a pleasurable slip and slide sensation!
#9 Use protection. Set the pattern for many years of sex to come by using protection. If you are a female on birth control, you’re starting down an awesome road of safe sex! When used correctly, the birth control pill will help prevent pregnancy, but will not protect against STDs or STIs.
If you are a male, you will probably want to invest in some lubricated condoms. When used effectively, condoms will prevent pregnancy, and are the “only” method of birth control that will offer significant protection against sexually transmitted infections.
Dual protection is the best way to go. This means that the female will be on birth control *such as “the pill” or the birth control patch*, while the male uses a condom. Both partners should be responsible for birth control and STI prevention.
[Read: First time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it]
There are so many ways to make sure your first time is special and satisfying, so take the time to figure out what’s going to satisfy you and your partner both physically and mentally during your first time!
