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Stealth Sex: What It Is, 19 Ways to Prevent Stealthing & Why Men Do This

Sexual abuse can take many forms, and if you have never heard of stealth sex, now is the time to learn. Here is what it is and how to protect yourself.

stealth sex stealthing

A lot of people can never keep up with the latest sex trends. First, it was flavored condoms, then it was furries, and now stealth sex or stealthing.

But there’s a huge difference between sucking a strawberry-flavored dick and this new trend, stealthing!

Not all trends are positive, in fact, many trends cause a lot of damage, like this one.

What is stealth sex?

Well, we’ll go into more detail below, but in essence, stealth sex is when the man takes off the condom mid-sex or damages it before intercourse.

History of stealth sex

Believe it or not, there is a sort of “history” to stealth sex. The term “stealthing” has been used in the gay community to describe the criminal transmission of HIV since 2014. But according to another expert, Susan Goldberg, the practice of stealthing is not new. But the only thing that is “new” is the circulation of information around it on the internet.

In an article about stealthing by Alexandra Brodsky, she describes the woman’s *or victim’s* experiences with the sex abuse act. She also discusses legal ways you can address stealthing. [Read: Sexually abusive relationship and the subtle signs you’re being abused]

Brodsky describes how the sexual practice of stealthing is actually discussed and advocated for on websites and forums all around the internet.

As sick as it is, there are a lot of people on these forums who brag about committing the crime of stealthing. They even guide others on how they can do it too.

There are even how-to guides that are posted on social media platforms. Sometimes, the media refers to stealthing as a “new sex trend,” but this is misleading. This term makes it sound harmless, and we know it is not. Instead, it is clearly a form of sexual abuse.

Sleath sex and condom negotiation

Some experts also say that stealthing or “condom negotiation” doesn’t happen as much as it should. In other words, two sex partners don’t have a serious conversation about the use of condoms.

One of the reasons for this is because the female might fear her partner’s response or don’t want to make them feel obligated to wear a condom. [Read: Narcissistic abuse – 16 subtle signs a narcissist is abusing you]

Other times, the stealthing is because both partners have a lack of knowledge or skills with condom use. And, they are not very educated as to why condoms benefit both the male and the female during sex.

You might wonder how often stealth sex happens. While there is not a definitive answer, a study by Kelly Cue Davis found that 9% of the men they studied admitted to engaging in sabotaging their condom at one point or another. 

While you might think that only males are the ones who instigate stealth sex, sometimes a woman can do it too. It’s more difficult for her to do this, but it is possible that she could puncture it or remove her partner’s condom without his knowledge or consent. This can also be called a baby trap or “birth control sabotage.” [Read: Why a baby trap is the dumbest idea a girl can use to trap a man]

Stealth sex – What you need to know about stealthing

If you just cringed, well, join the club. This isn’t comparable to other trends like sex bracelets or silhouette challenges. This is actually fundamentally wrong and non-consensual. This new “trend,” well, what can we possibly say about it?

We can’t be there in your bedroom to make sure he keeps his condom on, but you can. So, let’s get you updated on what this trend is about and what you do to protect yourself.

And all this, just when you thought you could trust your partner!

1. What is stealth sex? 

Stealthing is essentially when your partner either removes their condom mid-way through sexual intercourse or they purposely damage the condom prior to intercourse. This means they poke a hole in it or use an oil-based lubricant to slip it out midway.

Additionally, the removal of the condom is usually done via doggy style because the receiving partner won’t be able to see what’s happening. [Read: Unprotected sex – The dangers most people don’t even think about]

2. It’s a serious crime

Though they think it’s funny, it’s actually a serious crime. Condoms are used to prevent the spread of STIs such as HIV and also unwanted pregnancies.

So, if they attempt to do this, they’re liable to be charged with sexual assault.

There are not only physical ramifications for this but the receiver experiences emotional, mental, and financial harm as well. The lack of consent draws a line to being considered rape.

3. Why do they do it? 

We wish we could answer this question without rage, but we will discuss some possible reasons a little later.

They do this because they’re idiots. On forums talking about stealthing, they say they do this because of their right to “spread the seed.” Honestly, the worst thing these people do is reproduce. No one needs more of these people on earth.

4. It can lead to STIs

By damaging or removing the condom during sex, they allow for the spread of STIs to occur. If these guys do this, do you think they honestly go and get tested after every time they have sex?

We don’t think so. Stealth sex isn’t based on respect, it’s based on stupidity. [Read: The most common type of STDs and their symptoms]

5. You can get pregnant

This is a given. If someone takes off their condom or pokes a hole in it, the chances of you becoming pregnant are dramatically increased. Sometimes, it could even be intentional.

Do you think they’re going to help you get an abortion or raise the child? Think again. These men who indulge in stealth sex see it as a sport to impregnate women.

6. The laws around it are ambiguous

Since stealthing is a new trend, the laws surrounding this are somewhat unclear. This doesn’t mean they won’t get charged, they will. However, will they be charged with rape or sexual assault? This depends on the judge.

But in one case, a man was charged with rape for removing his condom during sex without telling his partner. So, the punishment can be very severe.

7. Who is affected by stealth sex? 

Anyone who has sex with an individual who practices stealthing is at risk, including the stealther themselves. Not only are you open to STIs and unwanted pregnancies, but so are they. 

Though they think this is how they should spread their seed, they won’t be thinking this after they have to pay child support for all these children. [Read: 15 commonly accepted sex “facts” that are so wrong]

What would make someone stealth?

You’ve probably heard many guys who say that sex feels better *for them and you* without a condom. Well, this is the most common reason guys give for stealthing.

But you have to realize that this is a form of sexual assault – it’s not about pleasure or a preference. Here are some reasons a guy would instigate stealth sex.

1. Physical pleasure

This is a terrible “excuse.” Sure, it probably does feel better for the guy when he’s not wearing a condom.

But that doesn’t give him the right to subject the woman to sexual abuse, possible pregnancy, or STI. If he wants physical pleasure, he can always use his hand. 

2. Selfishness

Obviously, stealth sex is beyond selfish. All the guy cares about at the moment is how he feels, and he’s not thinking about the consequences for the girl.

Plus, he’s not even thinking about what will happen as a result of his selfish behavior. He’s way too selfish to even think about the possibility that a baby could come out of it. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

3. Power and control

A guy might not think that stealth sex is a form of sexual abuse, but it is. Just like rape is against a woman’s will, so is this.

He thinks that being sneaky and taking off the condom is a power move.

He is in control of the sexual encounter, and the girl has no idea what’s going on until it’s too late. Some guys get a real sick thrill from doing that.

4. The thrill of degrading the woman

The act of stealth sex is very degrading to women. It is completely ignoring her feelings and her body. By ejaculating into a woman, it says that he doesn’t care one bit about her and her well-being.

He is just out to get his rocks off and enjoys making her feel like she is his sex slave. [Read: Malignant narcissist – 24 scary traits and what makes them the worst]

5. Delusional

Anyone who would instigate stealth sex is delusional. When someone is delusional, they are not in touch with reality. They think that the world is different than it actually is.

So, he probably makes up stories in his mind to justify his sick and abusive behavior. He might think things like “she likes it this way” or “she likes bad boys.” This sense of delusion could be what drives his behavior.

6. “Male instinct or right”

Male sexual supremacy is a real thing for some guys. They might think that, as a male, they have the “right” to do whatever they want in a sexual situation.

One way they can justify it is that they think it’s their biological instinct to just have sex without a condom. This is also a very narcissistic way of looking at sex. [Read: What’s a misogynist? 22 red flags that reveal a disrespectful sexist man]

7. Stealthing because she’s promiscuous

This is the stupidest reason to indulge in stealth sex. Some guys have a perverse belief that a girl should be put in place for being sexually liberated and sleeping with multiple men.

By stealthing and impregnating her by ejaculating just a little bit when he’s having sex with her, it’s his chance to “punish” her without her knowledge. And also, the idiot believes she won’t know who the father is because she’s sleeping with too many men! *yeah, DNA tests are magic, right?*

How to prevent stealthing from happening to you?

It’s a shame that we even have to discuss this. You think when you have consensual sex with someone they wouldn’t go behind your back to put your life at risk. 

However, you actually don’t know what the man you’re sleeping with is capable of doing, so, you need to be prepared just in case.

But if you see your partner doing something like this, then don’t have sex with them. It’s not funny. And if he thinks it’s a joke when he gets caught, kick the asshole out.

1. Bring your own condoms

You need to be prepared. Yes, we know women tend to leave it to the guy to supply the condoms, but you can’t do that.

You need to be aware of yourself and be responsible. So, carry a couple of condoms with you, and leave some by your bed just in case. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it is possible to]

2. Check throughout intercourse

It’s hard to believe that we just can’t enjoy a sexual experience but instead, we have to be paranoid that this guy isn’t doing something that would affect our health.

Throughout intercourse, subtly and periodically check to make sure that the condom is on. If it’s off, stop having sex immediately.

3. Use a condom that you can feel

Make sure you use a condom that you can feel when it’s inside you. Try using a textured or a ribbed one. This way, you’ll be able to tell when he’s wearing a condom and when he’s not.

It’s actually quite a big difference in feeling, so you’ll be able to detect it.

4. Have your partner ejaculate outside of your body

Maybe he poked a hole in it or used oil-based lube. So, if that’s the case, just to be safe, have him ejaculate outside of your body. 

You don’t have to tell the guy it’s because of stealthing, instead, make an exciting finale to the experience. By ejaculating out of the body, it’s safer for both you and him. [Read: Pull out method and everything you need to know]

5. Use your own lube

If these guys are using oil-based lube, bring your own with you. Silicone or water-based lubricant is condom-safe. 

This way, you know what’s going on with the condom, so you won’t have to worry about it. If it’s oil-based lube he’s using, don’t have sex with him. He’s probably using it intentionally so the condom can get damaged or slip out in seconds.

[Read: The different types of condoms and how they can improve your sex life]

Now that you know what stealth sex is, make sure you prevent stealthing from happening to you. You’re in control of your body and what goes in it. Literally.

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