Having a threesome may seem complicated and awkward. But when you follow these steps, you can experience a truly mind blowing threesome! By Lianne Choo
Sure, you must have heard horror stories from friends or even friends of friends about how their three-way sexual escapades turned into awkward disasters. In any case, should you let someone else’s bad experience get in the way of your own fun? Of course not! Remember that along with the myriad horror threesome stories out there, there are just as many exciting, sensual and sexy ones.
Whether you are a regular, tried it once, thinking about doing it or are a complete noob, threesomes are certainly plenty of fun and definitely not for the faint hearted. As fun as three-way sex is, there is no denying that there are certain rules you should abide by if you want to keep things uncomplicated.
The last thing you need is one or more of the participants harassing you and bad mouthing you around town. What happens in the bedroom is private and should remain so, but sometimes, you cannot control what a scorned partner or partners will say or do.
Depending on your relationship status, you may be a couple looking for one person to amp up your sex life with or you are a single person looking for a couple to get it on with. No matter what, just ensure that your sexual plans will not cause hurt or complications for anyone, especially if you are in a relationship. [Read: A real life confession about an accidental threesome]
How can you have the best three-way experience?
If you want to have the time of your life, yet want to stay mentally and emotionally intact the next day, here are some things that you can say and do.
#1 Broach the subject. If you are in a relationship, the first thing you have to do is to broach the subject with your loved one. Playfully bring it up the first time around and gauge how your partner reacts to the idea of a three-way.
If you are greeted with curiosity and an open mind, then you are halfway to getting that threesome you desire. Always remember to be gentle and open when you discuss inviting someone else into your bed. However, if your partner is hostile and unflinching, shelf the idea and bring it up some other time. [Read: 10 tips to help you open up about your kinky side]
#2 Narrow down your tastes. The next thing you have to do if you want uncomplicated three-way fun is to narrow down your tastes. If you are single, then this makes it easy as you know very well what turns you on. It all comes down to deciding the couple’s race, gender, built or interests.
If you have a partner, then you have to discuss this together. Keep in mind that people have different tastes, so what turns you on may turn your partner off. Decide on whether you want to invite a male or female into your space and also decide what he or she would ideally look like and be willing to do.
#3 Search outside your comfort zone. Experimenting with close friends using the excuse that there is already plenty of trust between each party is probably a bad idea. If the night turns out to be a disaster, you risk losing your friendship. It is always better to have a threesome with someone outside of your comfort radius.
Why not head to a singles or swingers bar? Another option is to scour the internet. There are many people out there who are seeking the same thing as you, so much so that there are entire sites, blogs and chat rooms dedicated to finding three-way partners.
If you want to take the easy route, there is always the option of hiring a professional. Although many people scoff at escort services, there is no harm in going with a professional who knows exactly what he or she supposed to do. [Read: 10 easy ways to find a sexy threesome participant]
#4 Go on a date first. Once you have found a partner or a couple, propose heading out for a date first before jumping in the sack. It is always great to get a little background info on the people you intend to sleep with, not just for peace of mind, but for safety reasons as well.
Whether it is grabbing some dinner or an after work cocktail, plan a proper meet and greet session to get awkwardness, ground rules and expectations out of the way.
#5 Build respect. For an uncomplicated three-way, commanding and giving respect is very important. If you are single and found a couple to get jiggy with, make it very clear that respect is mutual and that if anyone is uncomfortable, stopping is not a problem.
If you are in a relationship, assure your partner that they will always come first, especially in the bedroom. Tell your loved one that you will focus most of your attention on him or her because you want them to be comfortable throughout the experience. Let your partner know that the third party is a spicy add-on to the party and not the main focus and make sure that you follow through with this promise.
#6 Discuss the rules. Before your roll in the hay, ensure that you and your partners lay down the ground rules. This is perhaps one of the most crucial tips you have to adhere to, if you want to keep your three-way uncomplicated. Discuss what is okay and what you are not comfortable with.
Examples are anal sex, using toys and so on. Other things to discuss are whether you should check into a hotel or have the party at home. You should also discuss whether you should stay the night or leave right after. Do not let the small details slip your mind.
#7 Make your intentions known. Similar to laying down the law, making your intentions known is also very important, if you want to keep things uncomplicated. Let your partners know if it is your first time. If either one of them has done it before, it makes things much easier as they will be able to walk you through the pre and post-sex portions.
You should also let them know if you intend for this to be a one-time tryst or a repeat party. If you have not made up your mind, do not be ashamed to let them know. Remember to hear your partners’ opinions as well and do your very best to make everyone happy. [Read: 3 ways to get what you want in bed]
#8 Go slow and steady. If you or your partner are nervous about your threesome, go slow. The whole point is to have fun and this cannot be accomplished if one or more people involved are not 100% comfortable. Give it a trial run first. Start with heavy petting and oral sex to get the ball rolling. Once everyone is turned on and feeling more comfortable, take things to the next level.
#9 Maintain contact. This will, of course, depend on the ground rules that you set before your sexual tryst. If you have agreed to no contact after sex, then this does not concern you. However, if you did not have the chance to make it clear on whether you want contact, do the right thing by sending an email or text to the people involved thanking them for a great time. Maintaining contact is a great way to keep things civil and not awkward. It is up to you where to take it from there.
#10 Practice safe sex. Finally, keep your three-way escapade uncomplicated by always practicing safe sex. You do not want to worry about picking up or spreading a sexually transmitted disease or dealing with a pregnancy. The whole point of a threesome is to have fun exploring sexual options, so be smart about it by staying safe.
[Read: 20 things every threesome first-timer needs to know]
Remember that there is no hard and fast rule about having a three-way. Whether you do it with people you know or with complete strangers, remember not to rush into anything or do something that you will regret tomorrow. Aside from that, remember to have fun and enjoy the moment!
