Sex is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Feelings aren’t the only things susceptible to injury; here are 9 positions to break your rake.
Penis fracture. While it may sound funny, it is a real and dangerous threat that could happen anytime during sex. One wrong move in the throes of passion could turn your supposedly-blissful night into a bloody painful nightmare.
Just imagine your naked ass being dragged toward the emergency room on a gurney, while you’re in too much pain to pay heed to the snickering and smirks of the people you pass by. You can only hope that your surgeon is good, or else you may live the rest of your life without sex—or worse, be impotent.
You may think that your wiener is as tough as nails, with its ability to get hard and all that, but in fact, it is most susceptible to injury when it is erect. Breaking your member is not as simple as a sprained wrist; it is lined to the core with blood vessels responsible for getting it all up. This means that accidentally breaking it puts you at risk for internal hemorrhaging that could lead to permanent damage. [Read: 18 fascinating and unknown facts about the penis you HAVE to know]
Broken penises and dangerous sex positions
Before you try all the positions in the Kama Sutra, you should pay attention to several positions that increase your chance of developing a broken penis. Remember not to try any dangerous sex positions that are beyond your physical capabilities… or you might end up in an emergency room.
#1 The cowgirl position. The cowgirl position is notorious for causing most cases of penis fracture. In this position, the guy lies on his back while the girl rides on top. The position is quite risky, since the guy has little control over movement, making the penis prone to slip out. In most cases, the penis slipped out during the course of sex while the girl brought down her whole weight on it, resulting in a scene like a hammer crushing a bug. Ouch. [Read: 19 ways to own the cowgirl position and make it hotter and safer]
#2 Doggy style. Penetration from behind is the second most dangerous sex position. While the guy is in complete control of the thrusts, he may get carried away and play it rough. The harder you thrust, the greater the risk for your penis to slip out and take on a wrong angle. To illustrate what happens next, imagine running at full speed and then hitting a stone wall… boner first.
#3 Countertop/tabletop sex. Spontaneous sex can be quite hot, but is not without risk. Sex is safer in the bedroom because you’re more in level with your partner on a bed. Now, if you’re doing it on an unconventional surface *such as the counter top of your kitchen or atop your office desk*, you’re not always sure that the table is proportional to your height. Poor aim and a sudden loss of balance could lead to you slamming your member into a cold, hard surface.
#4 Non-penetrative sex. If you’re into boob sandwiches, you might want to consider something else. Penises are supposed to be parked inside a vagina. Anything other than that may have certain risks. Many men have broken their penises attempting to give their partner a pearl necklace. Remember: beneath that supple chest is a layer of bones. Your lump of muscle is no match against a woman’s sternum.
#5 The helicopter. The helicopter is another variation of the woman-on-top position, only this time, she’s turning around with every hump. Talk about twice the danger to your penis! Unless she’s really precise and is sure your meat rod will land inside her, your dong will always be in danger of being crushed.
#6 Rough missionary style. Yes, even the good old missionary position can pose a risk for penis breakage. If you’re really rough—let’s say humping faster than a piston engine—you put your penis and her vagina at risk with poor aim. You might hit the wrong hole—or worse, slam your penis onto her thigh. [Read: Curved penis? 8 positions to make you a star in bed]
#7 The pogo stick. Unless you have a well-developed upper body and can carry her weight during the whole ordeal, you should never try the pogo stick… unless you want to end up in a hospital. The pogo stick is listed among the most difficult sex positions because it requires you to carry the weight of your partner while standing up. If your strength gives way while you’re inside her, your penis is sure to snap… along with her as she falls.
#8 Acrobatic sex. Any position that involves balancing and contorting makes your penis vulnerable to breakage if you lose your footing or your balance. Always pay attention to the difficulty level advice of your Kama Sutra guide to avoid bedroom-related injuries. [Read: 13 extraordinary sex positions only the very bendy should try]
#9 Masturbation. Not even spanking the monkey is spared from our list. Over-vigorous masturbation can also result in a broken penis, so make sure you’re careful with your digits.
[Read: 12 easy sex positions that won’t break your neck, or worse]
No sex position is safe if you’re rough and over-enthusiastic. Always take it slow and keep it safe when you enjoy sex. If you want to go further, always make sure that you have the right physique for it… or else it might be the last time you get any.
