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Middle of the Night Sex: How to Enjoy It, Tips & Tricks & When to Avoid It

Some people like middle of the night sex and others don’t. Here are some things to consider to figure out whether or not it’s a good thing for you. 

middle of the night sex sexsomnia

For many people, there’s just something so hot and sexy about waking up in the middle of the night and having sex.

And at the same time, for several others, sex in the middle of the night can be extremely frustrating, not to mention freaky at times!

Now all of us are different, and we have our own preferences. But on a general note, isn’t it way better to have a lover who’s so turned on by you that they want to have sex with you even in their sleep than a lover who wants to turn the other way and feign sleep, even when they’re awake?

Why do guys wake up sometimes very sexually aroused?

Getting an erection in the middle of the night is common. It happens during Rapid Eye Moment *REM* sleep which happens when we are dreaming. 

Getting hard happens when certain areas of the brain are activated. This includes areas responsible for stimulating the parasympathetic nerves, which suppress the “fight or flight” nerves.

Men can have as many as five erections per night which can last up to 20 or 30 minutes each. Also, testosterone increases as it gets towards the morning hours. 

So, the fact that most men get nocturnal erections, especially as their testosterone increases as the night goes on, contributes to him waking up horny in the middle of the night.

Is possible to have sex with someone while they sleep?

Sure, it’s possible. But more often than not, your partner is likely to wake up. 

But what will they think? Will they think it’s awesome that someone wanted them that much? Or will they feel violated because the person didn’t get their permission in advance? [Read: Let’s take a moment to talk about sexomnia]

These are important things to consider with middle-of-the-night sex. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or in a committed relationship. If your partner has not given their consent while they are in a conscious state, then you are raping them.

With that said, it’s important to consider this when you wake up in the middle of the night and want to have sex. Just because you are awake and horny doesn’t mean that your partner is either awake or horny.

If middle-of-the-night sex is something you really want to try, even if your partner is asleep, talk to them about it during the day. The conversation doesn’t have to be awkward. In fact, it can be a real turn-on!

Before you decide to have sex in the middle of the night, you should really consider your partner’s feelings and state of consciousness. If they aren’t responsive, then you should probably wait. If you can’t, then it’s best to take care of yourself instead. [Read: Morning sex – how to wake up to great sex and reasons it feels so good]

Middle of the night sex

Do you enjoy it? Or have you ever been rudely awoken in the middle of the night only to find your partner’s hands groping you down there at a feverish pace?

Getting aroused in your sleep is nothing unusual, and any of us could experience it.

But if you’ve just started experiencing it, you may feel uneasy about the whole idea of making love when you’re half asleep and not really aware of what’s going on around you.

5 tips to make middle-of-the-night sex better

There’s nothing wrong with waking up horny in the middle of the night or wanting to get on top of your lover. Well, as long as it’s not affecting your regular sex life in any way. [Read: How to open up about sex and get your partner to share their desires]

But in your drowsy state of mind, there’s a good chance that you may care more about aggressively doing the deed than worrying about your partner’s comfort or their keenness to have sex with you at that moment.

So the next time you try to initiate a sleepy quickie in the middle of the night, remember these five ways to make it better. Your partner will be in the mood for sex instead of wanting to whack your head with the lampshade.

1. Take it slow 

Warm up to the act. Your raging hormones could be giving you a stiff time and making it harder to think. But just because you’re hard or wet doesn’t mean your partner has to feel the same way. Warm them up for a few minutes and ensure they’re ready for you before you find your way in. [Read: Naughty foreplay tips for men that work instantly!]

2. Whisper in their ears

Sometimes, talking sexually or saying something dirty can work wonders for your partner. In their half-asleep state, whatever you say could be interpreted in a manner that would best arouse them, and that definitely would work in your favor. [Read: 23 sexy tips to dirty talk and say the sexiest things imaginable!]

3. Make sure both of you finish

Don’t be selfish here. Your partner has had a rude awakening. The least you can do to make it up to them is help them feel good about the midnight bang. It’s alright if it’s short and quick, just as long as both of you orgasm. 

By ensuring your partner has a positive experience, you’re also ensuring that they’d enjoy it the next time you pull a fast and quick one on them in the middle of the night. [Read: 18 sex tips for men to make her crave for men and experience better orgasms]

4. Don’t insist

This may feel like a cold shower, but if your partner doesn’t want to do it, don’t push your luck. Finish up by yourself if you really have to.

After all, it isn’t fair to get annoyed with your lover because they couldn’t satisfy your completely selfish whims when they’re tired. [Read: Big blue ball facts about guys that all girls need to know]

5. Mix it up with daytime sex

Sex in the middle of the night is good, but it can be very unhealthy for the relationship if you don’t mix it up with regular daytime or before-sleep sex. Avoiding sex at other times of the day would only make your partner feel insecure in the relationship.

The good side of middle-of-the-night sex

The spontaneity and fervor of sex in the middle of the night can make both of you feel appreciated and admired. And the sex is almost always good, and a lot wilder and animalistic.

Many people love having unplanned sex during sleep hours because it usually lasts as long as a typical quickie. Also, sleepiness helps both of you shed your inhibitions and get naughtier and wilder in bed. And that almost never is a bad thing! [Read: 15 dirty tips to have the sexiest rough sex ever]

The bad side of middle-of-the-night sex

As lusty and rosy as sleepy sex may sound, it isn’t all orgasms and bliss. If it starts to become a regular occurrence, it can end up frustrating your partner because it could affect their sleep pattern. And if your lover has a hard time falling asleep once they’re woken up, it could just piss them off and leave them sour while you snore peacefully!

Even if you’re a big unintentional fan of having sex in your sleep, talk to your partner about it so you know their views about it before shoving something down their throat.

How to deal with middle-of-the-night sex without hurting your partner’s feelings or sex drive

Does your partner initiate sleep sex often? Or do you just hate it and want to avoid it? Or are you the one who’s just waiting for your partner to finish up so you can go back to sleep? Here are a few things that could help you.

1. Who’s on top? 

If you’re too sleepy to enjoy sex, let your partner get on top of you. It’ll be a lot easier for you, and as long as you’ve warmed up to the act, you can still stay half asleep. And hey, your partner can’t get annoyed with you for that, can they? [Read: Everything you need to know to ride your man and look sexy doing it!]

2. Wear clothes to bed

It may not really make a difference. But there’s a small chance that it could tilt the favor in the odds of avoiding midnight sex the next time your lover moves their hand over your body in the middle of the night. [Read: What to wear and look attractive in bed all the time]

3. Sex before sleepy time

Cuddle up with each other when both of you get into bed, and if both of you are in the mood, have sex before going to sleep. Almost always, it’ll greatly reduce the odds of sleep sex. *unless your partner has the libido of a horny animal*

4. Communicate

Talk to your partner and explain why you dislike having sex in the middle of the night. But don’t make a big deal out of it just to embarrass your lover into submission.

Explain your reasons clearly and calmly. That way, they can understand your side of the story the next time they want to bang a fairytale fantasy out of you in the middle of the night. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved in a relationship]

Is it Sexsomnia?

Have you ever had sex in the middle of the night, only to not remember a thing about it the next morning when your lover brings the topic up for conversation?

If you’re very tired or drunk, you may indeed have a hard time remembering the naughty deed the next morning.

But under other circumstances, if you have a history of having no recollection of having sex the morning after *not counting the times you feigned memory loss*, there’s a possibility that you suffer from sexsomnia, a disorder that’s along the lines of sleepwalking. [Read: Naughty and fun sex games for couples to feel horny again!]

Is your partner doing it only in the middle of the night?

Don’t overanalyze middle-of-the-night sex. It’s completely normal and something that every couple might do. Really, is it so unnatural to feel turned on in the middle of your sleep?

But if it really bothers you or if you’re convinced there’s something terribly wrong with your relationship or sexual habits, here are some things you need to consider.

Do you like having sex only in the middle of the night? Or does your partner indulge in sexual activities only in the middle of the night, and avoid sex or foreplay at all other times during the day?

If middle-of-the-night sex is accompanied by regular daytime or nighttime sex, well, that’s all cozy and sexy. But is your partner showing interest in you only in their sleep? Do they ignore your advances during all other times of the day? If that’s the case, then it’s very unhealthy for the relationship, not to mention depressing for you. [Read: 20 most common sexual problems and ways to easily avoid all of them]

Sometimes, sex feels best when we’re relaxed and free of troubling thoughts. And perhaps, your partner feels stress-free only at night. But if sleepy time is the only time they feel stress-free around you, that’s not the perfect recipe for a passionate romance.

Now there could be a few reasons for this behavior. Unfortunately, none of them would make you feel any better. These are some things you need to consider if your partner only likes having sex with you when the lights are off and you’re deep in your sleep. [Read: Things guys do that make a girl want to fake it in bed]

So your partner neglects you sexually all day, all the time, and gets kinky only when you’re fast asleep? Here are four reasons why they may be doing that.

1. Your partner could be fantasizing about someone else while having sex with you.

2. Your partner loves you but doesn’t find you very sexually appealing. They find you more sexually appealing when you’re naked in the dark.

3. They don’t want to make love to you; they just want to use you to satiate their carnal desires.

4. Your partner has a rape fantasy or a fetish where they like overpowering someone and taking advantage of them.

Final thoughts

Having middle-of-the-night sex might be exciting to some people. But to others, they just want to sleep and therefore don’t feel any sexual desire. If that’s true, it can be a downright unpleasurable experience for them.

So, if you’re the one who wants to have middle-of-the-night sex, remember that it’s not all about you. Being selfish and going against your sleepy partner’s wishes is not okay. 

If your partner wants to have middle-of-the-night sex and you don’t want to, then you need to talk to them. They might think you should be as turned on as they are. That’s not an excuse. But you should be honest with them about whether you like it or not.

[Read: The real reason behind why men watch porn instead of doing it with their woman!]

So unless your partner avoids you at all times other than when you’re deep in your sleep, don’t worry about middle-of-the-night sex. As long as it isn’t coming in the way of a healthy and sexually exciting relationship. But if it does come in the way, talk to your partner about it!

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...