Vague, single-word descriptions are often not coherent enough to illustrate the effects of “Le Petit Mort” on a person; more so if the said person has experienced it for the first time, which we imagine is like a drunken person explaining particle physics to an orangutan.
We’ve all heard a lot of first-time sex stories whose endings range between funny and awkward down to the borders of frightening. While there may be bad sex, there is no such thing as a bad orgasm. So today we asked the front page of the internet for their first orgasm stories to see how they dealt with it.
People describe their first orgasm
#1 Starting early. “I was five. It was so good I still do it every day.” – bilingual (Male, via reddit)
#2 Imagine how many juvenile orgasms were caused by pillows all over the world. “One night, when I was 13, I humped a pillow for a while, trying to get the best angle of attack. And then all of a sudden my dick just like, erupted. It felt awesome, but a messy sort of awesome, like when you destroy a cake with your bare hands. I didn’t know what it was, but I was suddenly tired, so I went to sleep.” – black_fire (Male, via reddit)
“I was 11 for my first one; a pillow gave it to me. I’ve only had one during sex a handful of times about 10 years ago. I have to use devices by myself to achieve one now.” -stressed_out_student (Female, via reddit) [Read: How to masturbate – sexy self-pleasure tips for women]
“So I was pretending to be a cowgirl when I was very young *don’t ask* and was riding our very hard sofa pillows when I started feeling like a ‘stinging’ feelings you-know-where and although it was ‘painful’ it felt really ‘interesting’ so I kept doing it and noticed pressure building so I went at it like mad and just felt all these little ‘stabs’ hitting me right on what I now know as my clit. I was so worried I’d pee myself because both me and the cushion had a wet spot. Needless to say a few more times experimenting with this, I figured out wtf was going on AND I HAVENT STOPPED SINCE.” – MuraHachi (Female, via reddit)
#3 When you’re so innocent that you can’t help but panic. “Awful. I was 11 or 12 watching a porn I stole. I was doing my thing then I thought I really had to pee. I was in the basement, and bolted up the small flight of steps to the bathroom with my dick flopping around. I ran into my own cum as I was going up the steps.” – king_krimson (Male, via reddit)
“I only stroked for only 30 seconds, and I remember having a strong desire to pee really badly, but I couldn’t stop, lo and behold the biggest cum shot out of my dick all over the family couch… oh man what a mess, and it smelled too. I panicked and didn’t know what to do.” – cory140 (Male, via reddit) [Read: Going solo – the sexy benefits of masturbation]
“Summer holidays 1981: I was home alone watching “One Day at a Time” reruns on TV, rubbing myself and fantasizing about Valery Bertinelli. I was 11. When I came, it scared the hell out of me – it was painful *or at least it registered as painful at the time.* There was no semen, I just crumpled into a ball on the couch and thought I’d hurt myself. I told no one and didn’t “rub” myself again for more than a year. – tetzy (Male, via reddit)
#4 May Nana rest in peace, but I ain’t gonna stop after what I discovered! “Pretty bad. I was 12. I didn’t know what it was. Was just touching myself to some porn because it felt good. And then it started shooting out. I felt so bad because my Grandma had died just a week prior to this, and I felt like she was up in heaven watching down at me all ashamed and whatnot. Vowed to never do it again. And then a couple days later, I got horny and did it again. The rest is history.” – KeepPushinIt (Male, via reddit) [Read: Female masturbation tips for guaranteed orgasmic bliss]
#5 Like Columbus discovering the New World. “This is actually really funny, and embarrassing. When I was around 12, I discovered the clitoris. When I climaxed, I thought I was a genius and had somehow been the only girl on the planet who knew of this phenomena. Up until my latest boyfriend *we met when I was 17*, I didn’t tell any of my sexual partners about how I masturbate, because I still thought I was the only one who knew about the clitoris. – MissGarrison.” (Female, via reddit)
#6 Toy Story *NSFW version*. “I got a wiggle pen from a Secret Santa when I was 11. I was in my room using it as a massager on my neck which felt good… I wondered what it would feel like on my boobs… my nipples… my belly… finally between my legs. I had no idea what had just happened *raised in a conservative home, had never heard the word “orgasm,”* but it was the most amazing beautiful feeling I had ever experienced. My best orgasms still happen with vibrators.” – ItsQuietTime (Female, via reddit)
“We didn’t have many chairs in the basement where we watched TV when I was about 9, so I used our exercise ball as a chair. I got pretty good at finding my center, and would sit crossed legged on top. One time I was alone, fell off, and got a little mad. I started pounding on it, and realized it felt nice when I pressed against it. Started doing this pretty often, as it became the highlight of any given day. To this day, exercise balls arouse me.” – lazyrightsactivist (Female, via reddit) [Read: Surprising unknown benefits of not masturbating]
#7 A tribute to all giving boyfriends out there. “My now boyfriend went down on me on our first date. I had no sexual experience, and while I had masturbated before, it was never to orgasm. When he was done, my whole body was shaking for at least ten minutes. It was incredible.” – Unknown redditor
#8 When the faucet is not the only one gushing in the bathroom. “The first time I came was in the bathtub. Make yourself comfortable *not that easy* under the faucet and let the water come. Watch out for the temperature first, it should be a little warmer than lukewarm. As an alternative, if you have a shower head where you can make the water come out really strong and concentrated, try this. This is also more comfortable. Best orgasm I can give myself! When with somebody, I find that nothing works better than oral. I seem to like it warm and wet.” – hownicetomeetyou, (Female, via reddit)
“When I was 11 years old, I learned about masturbation and tried it in the bathtub. I’d never had sexual feelings before this, and at that point I hadn’t even gone through puberty yet *I got my period at 13 years old*. So I touched myself, and it felt good. I started squirting out clear liquid… and I remember this so vividly because I sat on one end of the bathtub and it squirted all the way to the faucet. It didn’t stop there. As I kept rubbing myself, I kept squirting. This went on for what felt like ten or more minutes. I remember the sound of my juices hitting the floor of the tub, over and over again. It was such a violent sound.” -vocaltalentz (via reddit)
[Read: How to push the right buttons to achieve multiple orgasms]
No one forgets their first – especially their first orgasm. You may get shocked, confused, panicked, or even excited by your first experience of orgasm, but one thing is for sure: you’ll be wanting more.
