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What Women Want in Bed but Are too Ashamed to Ask

How sure are you that you’re pleasuring the woman you’re with? Here’s a list of what the woman in your life may be craving in the bedroom.

what women want in bed

Here’s a fact that most men may not be aware of: women are highly sexual beings, so sexual that they enjoy sex as much as men do. They too have strong sexual desires like men. What’s more surprising is that these desires are not always based on emotions or driven by intimacy.

In the book What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire by Daniel Bergner, the author even went as far as suggesting that women’s intense sexual cravings actually make them have a greater tendency to be more polygamous than men.

However, the problem here is, despite greater social acceptance when it comes to sensuality and sexual empowerment, many women still find it hard to talk to their partners openly about sex. And that’s because women are not culturally programmed to talk without hesitation about sex.

Chances are, they’d be overcome with shame to tell their partners what they want in bed. If they do talk about sex, they would most likely feel guilty about it later on, thanks to society constantly telling them that anything remotely connected to sex is shameful.

Susan Carrell, the writer behind Escaping Toxic Guilt, says that women always feel guilt or shame, because they have always been taught that “being good is the most important thing.” So for the fear of being perceived as “dirty,” “cheap,” or “not good enough for a long-term relationship,” women would rather keep their sexual thoughts and desires to themselves.

They would just trust their partners to know by intuition what they want in bed, or they would drop “hints,” which are not always effective as they think. And here’s why: Women can master the art of faking an orgasm. It’s easy to fake the ooohs and ahhhs in bed. The only way to truly know if they are happy with what you do with them and for them is through asking. [Read: 10 surefire ways to know if she’s faking an orgasm]

The secret sex requests from women

Women will most likely not tell you what they want or what they think of your performance in bed. So here’s a list of what women truly want from their partners when it comes to sex, but are too ashamed to ask from them. These requests come from real women who, like you, acknowledge the fact that great sex is vital to a healthy, lasting relationship.

#1 “Longer please.” She’s not referring to the length of your manhood. She’s talking about the act of foreplay.  According to the Journal of Sex Research, women and men both want foreplay to last for least 18 minutes. Make sure to cover all bases, from head to toe. More foreplay time also leads to better orgasms, so take your time. [Read: 20 ways to keep your erection up for longer]

#2 “I want it rough, sometimes.” Women are not as delicate as you think. A little bit of roughness is sexy. Gently pull on her long locks as you take her from behind. You may also try a bit of spanking. Or how about tearing her lingerie apart in the hallway, as you prepare to do stand-up sex? If you do this, just make sure to take her lingerie shopping again. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the best rough sex]

#3 “Don’t go straight to my boobs or girly parts.” Going straight for the goods actually decreases sexual tension. While you take the time to please her before actual intercourse, try other erogenous zones like her feet, scalp, and the delicate skin behind her knees. Don’t skip the passionate lip-lock or neck kisses, no matter how much you get used to this part.

#4 “Lick me to your heart’s content.” Bring in sexy food props like wine, chocolate syrup and cream. Spread these on her erogenous zones and start licking. But women hate messing the bed, so make sure to have a big towel or sheets of wax paper spread on the bed, so she doesn’t have to clean up after your lovemaking session.  [Read: 8 tips and tricks to give her great oral sex]

#5 “Let’s go public.” There’s nothing more exciting *or terrifying* than having sex in public. The combination of terror and excitement electrifies the sexual experience. Here are public places where you can have sex with a relatively low risk of getting caught: your tinted car, the shady part of a park or a cemetery, the fitting room of a huge department store, and a classroom that’s not in use.

#6 “Tie me up.” Women would love to surrender their body to you, even if it were just for a day. Tie her up and heighten the excitement with a blindfold. Remember to do request #1 and #4 here. Tease her with more foreplay and use food as props for licking. [Read: The right way to go risqué in the bedroom]

#7 “Let’s role play.” Women may not enjoy watching porn with you, but they have fantasies, too. Have you noticed the sudden popularity of erotic novels? Erotic novels have been around for quite some time, but they were only not socially accepted before as they are today. Some classic roles are nurse/doctor, teacher/student, and master/servant.

#8 “Talk dirty to me.” Women don’t need you to be quiet in the bedroom. Dirty talking helps intensify sexual tension, but you need to assess her comfort level first. Not sure what to say? Start with a soft-core dirty language. You can say something like “babe, you look so hot in this lingerie” or “I want you so bad” or “I spent the whole day just thinking of being inside you.”

#9Let’s use toys.” Please don’t feel inferior or incompetent in bed, if your lady wants to use her vibrators or dildos. These are just accessories to help her get the most out of the whole sexual experience. If she doesn’t have toys, it won’t hurt to suggest shopping for some with your girlfriend. She’ll definitely appreciate how open you are to bringing some toys into the bedroom. [Read: How to make dirty talk work for you]

#10 “I’ll take your orders, too.” Like you, women also want to please you sexually. They don’t want to be left clueless in bed. Tell them what to do. They’d be more than happy to submit and follow your orders, as long as they’re within her means to perform.

[Read: 11 sexiest hot spots you should focus on]

Follow these tips and listen to your partner’s cues. Remember, happy and satisfying relationships are the ones where both can truly meet each other’s needs. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner what she wants and experiment with any novel suggestions. The key here is to respect and listen to your partner at all times.

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Michelle Lamoste
Michelle is a full-time mom, writer, and digital marketing specialist. When not working on building and promoting brands, she spends her time exploring new rest...