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How to Have Rough Sex & 15 Dirty Moves to Have the Sexiest Time Ever

Sometimes a little dirty, rough sex is all you need to boost your sex life. Learn how to have rough sex in the best way with a few rough sex ideas too. 

rough sex

Rough sex is subjective. What’s rough to one person could be tame to another. If you’re seeing someone for a while, and they confess that they love rough sex, don’t just grin widely and assume you know what they expect you to do in bed. First, learn how to have rough sex and do a little research. There are plenty of rough sex ideas you can check out and find some middle ground you can both enjoy.

At the end of the day, rough sex isn’t always about swinging from the chandeliers, it’s about losing yourself in the passion that you’re creating together. And there are many ways to do that!

[Read: Aggressive sex – 14 wild ways to do it right if you like it rough]

What is rough sex?

Rough sex is the type of sex where you involve pain in the sexual act, to increase sexual pleasure. That doesn’t have to be a lot of pain, it can simply be enough of a twinge to make you feel alive!

It’s a sexual release where you can show off your brute strength and your lust at the same time.

Rough sex is not something most people talk about easily, but yet, it’s something all of us could enjoy if done the right way. [Read: The 7 sexiest types of sex you can ever have!]

If you’re not someone who’s into rough sex, bringing all that pain and aggression into something as romantic as lovemaking could sound alarming. But that’ll all change once you understand the little nuances of passionate rough sex.

Firstly, rough sex is best enjoyed with a partner you trust. Both of you know each other’s limitations and capabilities, and it’s easy to know where to draw the line. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets you really need to know]

The importance of a safe word

When learning how to have rough sex, you need to feel comfortable and confident. It’s easy to be a little timid at first or even nervous, but having a safe word will give you extra security. Basically, this is a word you agree on beforehand.

If one of you starts to feel out of control or uncomfortable, you say the safe word and everything stops. No questions asked.

That way, you know that you can explore the fun side of rough sex with the added knowledge that you can stop at any time you want to.

Of course, it’s important that both partners are very clear on what the safe word is, that you both have the same one, and you listen and act immediately. [Read: Meaning of safe words & how to use them when you’re playing rough]

The psychological thrill of rough sex

One of the sexier things about rough sex is how contagious it is in bed.

If you claw your lover’s back with your nails, the rage they experience will subconsciously force them to reciprocate your rough moves with their own, which can lead to a heightened sexual experience for both of you.

But rough sex isn’t for everyone, especially the ones who have had bad experiences with it. For the ones who enjoy it though, an occasional round of rough sex can increase the passion in a long-term relationship. [Read: The best ways to make long term sex feel like a sexy one night stand]

People who love rough sex get the sexual high, more from the pain they experience than the sexual pleasure they feel. It’s definitely not a bad thing though, because every once in a while, a change in routine in any relationship can make lovemaking a lot more sexy and alive. [Read: 30 dirty ways to spice up your sex life]

When you’re genuinely having rough sex, the urge to enhance the sexual sensation is so overwhelming that even penetration can’t satisfy you. You want to do more. It hurts but you like it, and that’s what makes the whole thing so passionate.

But rough sex isn’t for everyone and every stage of a relationship. Especially for a woman, she’d feel more comfortable indulging in it with someone she trusts and loves, and knows will not judge her *unless she’s having a one night stand with a really sexy guy she’s been waiting to get into bed with for a while*. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex – The right way to get risque]

Dominant and submissive rough sex

Rough sex is rough sex, but even when two people indulge in it, they can take on two different kinds of roles. One partner usually initiates the rough sex while the other partner experiences the physical pain and gets aroused by it.

If you’re more dominant in the relationship or in real life and have a career or a lifestyle where you’re not pushed around much, you may enjoy submissive rough sex more than other people. It’s your mind’s way of craving for a release from the responsibility and the control. The psychological release of control makes you enjoy your orgasm better. [Read: Blindfold sex – 15 sensual ways to use blindfolds in bed]

On the other hand, a lover who plays a submissive part in the relationship or in real life may get more pleasure by taking control in bed or by playing the dominant partner while having rough sex.

Rough sex doesn’t have to be a means to abuse each other or feel powerful. It can be used as a psychological release, just as long as you practice it in a controlled environment and swap dominant and submissive sides often, unless both of you prefer specific roles all the time. Think Fifty Shades of Grey if you’re struggling to picture it. [Read: The difference between making love and having sex and why you need them both]

Rough sex isn’t always kinky sex

While rough sex is a kind of kinky sex *unconventional*, it could just be a passionate tumble in the hay because both of you are extremely aroused.

Most kinds of kinky sex take some amount of planning and preparation, but rough sex almost never needs any planning, unless you plan to involve toys and other sexual paraphernalia.

Rough sex is sexual arousal beyond penetration, it’s the sexual arousal that’s brought about by aggression. Some couples end up having totally unplanned rough sex after an argument. All of that anger and annoyance is pumping through your veins and you need a release.

You can just jump into bed aggressively and rip each other’s clothes off, or you can choose to use a few rough sex ideas you just thought up to help release the rage! [Read: How to have the sexiest make up sex when you’re both angry with each other]

A rough sex tip for guys

Most girls like rough sex. Of course, not all the time! But every now and then, a good round of rough sex can make them feel alive.

Somehow, being dominated once in a while with aggression turns a girl on. There’s something about a man’s physical strength and animal-like aggression that can awe a girl and arouse her at the same time!

When you have rough sex with your girl, it shows off your confidence and your manly, wild side which can turn her on and rekindle the raw sexual desire in her. But how rough would she like it? Well, that’s something you need to talk to her about. [Read: How to satisfy a woman in bed and make sex more exciting for her]

Rough sex for the calm lover

If you’re someone who isn’t used to the idea of hurting a lover while making love *in a controlled environment*, the idea of rough sex may sound gross and appalling, even frightening. But you’d never know how powerful you feel or how sexually arousing the act can be until you try it. It comes down to research to add confidence.

Look into a few rough sex ideas that we’ve shared below, start with them, and modify them to something you’re happy with.

If you’re having rough sex for the first time, don’t let your awkwardness show. Start slow by kissing more aggressively and using your teeth to bite, but as you get more into the act, apply more pressure on your partner, either by using your hands or your pelvis. [Read: 10 kinky sex positions for a wild night every day of the week]

Run your hands through your lover’s hair and grip it firmly with your fingers while whispering something dirty or biting your lover’s neck. And when you feel comfortable enough, run your nails against your partner’s back, deeper with each confident thrust of your pelvis.

Somewhere along the way, you’ll start to feel the wild passion engulf you. Before you know it, you’ll be all roughed up and ready for a wild, rough time in bed! [Read: How to look a lot sexier naked using 15 real life tips]

15 easy rough sex ideas to try tonight!

Pain and pleasure release endorphins, a morphine-like chemical created in the body. If you learn to mix pain with sexual pleasure while having rough sex, you’d be able to experience more of the feel-good sensation instantly.

Here are the best rough sex ideas you can use in bed with your lover. But always remember to avoid getting carried away in the heat of the moment. And remember that safe word!

1. Scream and yell

Not all of us are sexual screamers. But when you get roughed up and shed your vocal inhibitions, you’ll feel more relaxed and carefree, which will make you wilder. [Read: How to moan and look and sound even more sexy in bed]

2. Nibble and bite

Using teeth is always a great way to bring out the animal in you when you’re in bed. Bite hard, but not hard enough to draw blood.

Focus on erogenous zones like the neck, the breasts, belly, inner thighs, and around the elbows and ankles.

3. Claw your lover

Scratch with your fingernails. Literally. Running a painful line with your fingernails against the soft skin of your lover’s back will send a sexy rush that can cause a lot of pain too.

But when you’re on a sexual high, all that pain will turn to sexual adrenalin! [Read: 13 clear signs to know she enjoys having sex with you]

4. Pull each other’s hair

Grab a handful of your lover’s hair just above the scalp at the back of the head, and tug at it. You won’t lose your grip and yet, the pain will feel more pleasurable than when you hold your lover by the lower ends of their hair. This is one of the easiest rough sex ideas to start with.

5. Aggressive movements

Pound each other like there’s no tomorrow. The aggressive to-and-fro movements will turn both of you on – just as long as both of you can hold on long enough. But remember, you’re dealing with fragile body parts here, so don’t get carried away and push too deep or too hard.

6. The burning slap

Slap each other across the face or the chest, or if you’re standing behind your partner who’s on all fours, slap their back or their butt. The searing pain will bring out the animal in your lover. There’s a reason why spanking is such a sexual bucket-list thing to try! [Read: The spanking guide – How and when to spank a bad, bad girl in bed]

7. Asphyxiation – But approach carefully

For many kinky lovers, cutting off the oxygen supply to the brain arouses them to an all-time high. But be very careful here, as you could end up hurting your lover while choking or throttling them. Instead of trying to choke your lover, just place your hands gently on your lover’s neck and massage it just until they feel your hand’s pressure.

Don’t try blocking the oxygen supply completely, you definitely should leave that to the professional kinky chokers who know what they’re doing. Another alternative is smothering the face, either by gently using your palms without too much force or by placing a porous pillow over your lover’s mouth.

This isn’t one of the rough sex ideas you should try as a beginner and it’s something that many people won’t feel comfortable with. However, it is part of the niche, so we’ll put it out there for you to explore should you want to as a couple. [Read: Strap in and kink out – Your guide to having submissive sex]

8. Abusive words

Ever heard the lines, “say my name!” or “call me a bitch!”? Well, many lovers adore getting called trashy names and hearing dirty abuses. If your lover’s into being called a whore, go ahead and indulge them. However, if your lover is someone who takes words to heart, perhaps avoid this one.

9. Fantasizing and role play

The words you choose play a big part in setting the mood for rough sex. Grab your partner by their hair as you lay on their side, and whisper something dirty about what you intend to do to them. Or pretend like both of you are two other people, like two strangers on a flight, or drunken strangers at a party.

If you have an active imagination, you’d get your lover in the mood even before doing anything else. It’s one of the best rough sex ideas to bring about a huge explosion of passion! [Read: Examples to fantasize and talk dirty in bed]

10. The gentle use of force

Forcing your partner to perform sexual acts can work quite well if both of you enjoy dominant and submissive roles. Force their head down on you, or hold your lover by their neck or hands and order them around in bed.

The ‘gentle’ use of force might sound like a contradiction but it’s gentle because it’s something you’ve both agreed to try. It’s not literal force. [Read: How to get him to go down on you more often without a push]

11. Give whips a try

If your fingernails aren’t painful enough, use short whips. They hurt more, and it’s a lot more dominating and insulting to be whipped.

12. Tie your lover up

Tie your lover’s hands and legs to the bedpost or hold their hands firmly with your own hands. The helplessness of the situation could turn both of you on. One of you will be in complete control of the other person. You could also use cuffs instead of ropes. [Read: 20 hot sex ideas to blow your lover’s mind in bed]

13. Spanking

Spanking is the poster-boy of rough sex. When someone thinks of rough sex, almost always they visualize a hard smack on a bare bottom. You know to smack, so go right ahead and smack them until they turn deep red.

14. Force yourself on your lover

But only if they want you to. If your partner gets aroused by the thought of being sexually overpowered by a stranger, talk dirty about a fantasy where your lover’s being forced into sexual submission by someone else. And as you visualize the scene, make sure your hands continue to play rough with your partner’s body. [Read: Top 10 sexual fantasies for girls]

15. Toys and gags

Rough toys and gags are not for the fainthearted. But if you want to take that road into rough sex, go right on. It may not be for everyone, but if you do enjoy extreme rough sex, perhaps BDSM is the way to go. [Read: How to plan a successful sexy toy party with your friends]

Incompatible partners and rough sex

Rough sex is all good and dandy as long as both of you are having fun. But are you in a relationship where only one partner enjoys rough sex while the other doesn’t?

Sometimes, a partner who feels emasculated or weak around you may use rough sex to feel more powerful. If your partner is using rough sex to feel dominant in a relationship, that’s not good for you or for the relationship.

Even while having sex, make sure both partners indulge in equal rough play, unless one of you intentionally likes to be submissive more often. It’s very important that both partners take control equally while having rough sex.

Another worry to keep in mind is the addiction. If you’re having rough sex the first few times, the idea may be intoxicating and arousing. But if one of you get addicted to it and don’t get turned on by the gentler kind of sex, cut down on the rough sex.

Wait until both of you can function sexually without having to resort to bruising or hurting each other. [Read: 10 dirty ways to get over a sexual dry spell and have better sex with your lover]

The negative side of rough sex – Don’t get carried away

Rough sex, just the way it sounds, is rough. You’re dealing with sensitive body parts here. Do remember to be gentle while playing in the hay. As they say, never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Uncontrolled rough sex can leave a guy broken and a girl bruised. Here are a few cautions you need to keep in mind.

1. Broken penis. If a girl sits down heavily or the guy aggressively penetrates deep, this is definitely possible. [Read: The most common sex positions that could leave you with a broken penis]

2. Penetrating too deep in a hurried motion can damage a girl’s cervix which can lead to bleeding or bruising.

3. It’s difficult to control ejaculation and orgasms while having rough sex. [Read: How to last longer during sex without any difficulty]

4. Your protection can get damaged while doing the rough nasty.

5. Tears in the vaginal walls due to aggressive rough sex.

If you notice any painful swellings or bleeding after rough sex, consult your doctor. Especially, if the symptoms last for more than a couple of days.

[Read: 10 fun sex games you can play with your boyfriend in bed]

Remember to communicate your desires

Rough sex is a lot of fun. It’s aggressive, wild, passionate, and steamy. But too much of a good thing always makes everything bad. Use rough sex to mix in with other kinds of kinky sex. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas to make your relationship more sexually exciting!]

And if there’s something about rough sex you don’t like, or if a particular scenario in bed scares you, talk to your lover about it. Rough sex should be a passionate escape for both of you, not just for one selfish partner.

Have a safe word to know when to stop, so both of you know when things get out of hand while having rough sex. But as long as you keep these cautions in mind, go on out there and have the wildest rough sex ever!

[Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

Still wondering how to have rough sex? Well, use these rough sex ideas to get started, and you’ll definitely have a sexy, dirty, and wild time in bed with your lover!

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Jana Snow
A hippie at heart who loves exploring the world, Jana Snow always finds herself 15 minutes earlier than everyone else. And when she isn’t waiting for anyone, ...
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