Many couples invite another person into their bedroom for some sexy fun. But, how to go about it? What does unicorn hunting entail and how do you do it?
You and your partner have decided to test the waters and explore the world of non-monogamy with a threesome. If you’re completely new to it all, it can definitely be a little scary and intense to consider unicorn hunting.
This is a new world you’re stepping into, and when something is new, there are a lot of mixed feelings involved. Even though this may be your first experience in non-monogamy, if you research ahead of time and focus on open communication with your partner, it should go pretty well.
[Read: Is monogamy for you? How to know your needs and what works best for you]
What is a unicorn?
No, we’re not talking about an actual unicorn here, i.e. the mythical and rather beautiful creature we see in fantasy films. We’re talking about a third wheel in a relationship, or in a bed to be specific.
A unicorn is a third person who wants to join an existing couple in bed. This can be simply for sexual fun or it can be as part of a polyamorous setup, i.e. to actually date and have romantic connections.
A unicorn is often bisexual, but not always. The term is generally used for a bisexual person who joins an existing couple of a man and a woman. But, the term has been extended over recent years and can now refer to any person, or any sexuality, who joins an existing couple for romance or simply for bedroom fun.
Why do some couples want to find a unicorn?
There are countless reasons why a couple may want to try bringing another person into their relationship. This might be a one-time thing or it might turn into a regular occurrence. Again, it might just be for sex or it might be for a romantic situation too. It depends upon what the couple wants and of course, what the unicorn wants.
It could be that the couple is looking to spice things up. They may have been together for a while and things are starting to feel a little stale. Or, it could be that they simply want to try a threesome for the first time and want to get to know someone first, so they’re not simply jumping into the situation with someone they barely know anything about.
Some couples prefer to try polyamory rather than the regular type of monogamy that we’ve come to see as the so-called “norm.”
It’s a personal choice, but it’s important to know that when you try unicorn hunting, you should know what you’re getting into. It might sound all fun and daring, but there are some very clear downsides to this type of relationship if it’s not the right choice for you. [Read: What is polyamory and why are people switching to it?]
Understand what you’re getting into before unicorn hunting
The idea of having a threesome is often on many a bucket list, but in reality, it’s often either a let-down or a very complicated situation. Ask yourself how you would feel if you saw your partner having sex with this person. How would you feel if they developed feelings for them? Could you handle it?
It’s easy to nod along and say that you would be fine with it, but when you’re in the situation, it might feel very different indeed. [Read: MFF threesome – 20s do’s and don’ts you shouldn’t ignore]
While polyamorous relationships are supposed to respect and care for all parties equally, it doesn’t always work out that way.
How would you feel if your partner fell totally in love with this person and didn’t feel the same about you anymore? Maybe they decide that polyamory isn’t for them and they want to be with the unicorn in a monogamous relationship instead.
For sure, threesomes and polyamorous relationships can be great ideas for some, but they have to be the right choices for you. Communication is vital. Make sure that you’re both on the same page before you even consider unicorn hunting.
A unicorn cannot save your love life
NEVER assume the experience of a sexual threesome or the excitement of unicorn hunting would fix a relationship.
Bringing a unicorn or a third bisexual partner may work very well in spicing things up, but that only works in a perfectly healthy relationship. If a relationship is already on the rocks, it will almost always cause irreparable damage to an already fragile relationship.
So if you’re looking for a unicorn in the hope of fixing your love life, it’s probably time for you to take a step back before you slip in too far.
But on the other hand, if you believe you and your partner are perfectly happy in love, and are just looking to experiment a bit, then you’re definitely going about it the right way. [Read: Threesome tips – 20 things to know before entering one]
A unicorn is a valid and equal person in the relationship
You want to find a unicorn *or third* for your relationship. Maybe it’s just for one fun night, or you want to date your third. Either way, you need to find your third first. This is the hardest part because the more people involved in a relationship, the more opinions and needs people have.
Your third is another person, don’t see them as someone you can use and toss around. Instead, this is another person you need to please and satisfy as well.
So, when you’re unicorn hunting, there are some important things you need to do to make sure things go smoothly. [Read: How to have a perfect threesome with all the right rules]
By doing this, you’ll make it a memorable time for everyone.
Know that the work starts before the search
Before you and your partner get all excited about finding your unicorn, there are some things you definitely need to iron out with your partner. Most of the work comes before you even start to look for your third person. So, before you do anything, focus on your relationship first.
We know that having a threesome is probably exciting for you, but you need to put aside your fantasy and really think about whether this is something you want. If you’re certain this is what you want for yourself and the relationship, then see if your partner feels the same. [Relationship boredom – How to cure boredom in your relationship forever]
Is this something you’re pushing on your partner? Or is this something you both genuinely want? You should make sure your partner wants this as much as you do. If not, throughout the unicorn hunting process and threesome, it can create some serious issues.
Can you handle the jealousy? Or, can they?
This is something you need to talk about with your partner. Odds are jealousy will arise in the threesome, and you need to have a plan about what you’re going to do when it happens. When it does happen, will you stop what you’re doing and discuss your feelings? [Read: Could you actually be happy in a polyamorous relationship?]
If you don’t know what you want, if your partner isn’t sure if this is right for them, or if you two aren’t comfortable talking about feelings together, then stop right now. You’re not ready for unicorn hunting; you’re not even stable in your own relationship.
Work out what it is that you actually want
The next step is to work out what you and your partner actually want from your attempts at unicorn hunting. Is this just for one night of fun? Or are you looking for a polyamorous relationship? Either way, you and your partner need to figure out the type of relationship you want with your unicorn. That way, you choose the right unicorn who wants the same things. [Read: 20 things you MUST KNOW if you ever consider a threesome]
If it’s just sex, try a threesome first without any attachments and see how you both feel. But again, make sure it’s something you’re ready for. Far too many people just see the sexual desire side of things but fail to take into account the emotional fallout that can often happen.
If it’s polyamory you’re both keen on, perhaps speak to other polyamorous couples or do some research online. Again, things may seem all interesting and glamorous on paper, but the reality can often be quite different. Be prepared for what’s coming and that will help you to decide what you really want. [Read: Throuple relationship rules for a happy threesome romance]
How to approach unicorn hunting
You need to be obvious in your unicorn hunting. It’s no good being vague here, you have to lay out and state what you want and what you need. If you’re using a dating app, don’t try to be subtle. Make sure it’s clear you’re a couple. Whether you can set your gender to “couple” or use your relationship status as a way to show potential unicorns what you’re looking for. If you’re sharing pictures, make sure it shows both of you.
Otherwise, you run the risk of confusing people or accidentally misleading them into a situation that they weren’t prepared for.
Aside from making your profile visually clear you’re a couple, you also need to make sure your bio is straightforward and honest. [Read: Tinder threesome: A couple’s guide to swiping right for a threesome]
Don’t try to be subtle with what you’re looking for. Mention the type of relationship you’re looking for and what you and your partner sexually prefer. That doesn’t mean going into extreme detail at this point, but you shouldn’t allow for any confusion either.
It’s often better to go with the online route when unicorn hunting compared to asking someone you know. You could ask a friend, but it may be a very awkward conversation and carries a lot of fall-out if they refuse or misunderstand. [Read: How to read the signs to know if your friend wants to be your unicorn]
When you find a potential unicorn, always be honest
You don’t need to be extremely specific and detailed about what you’re looking for on your profile. But once you start to talk to a potential unicorn, it’s absolutely crucial you mention everything in detail and expect the third to either agree or disagree with your needs. [Read: The threesome invite – How to ask someone to join you in bed]
Before you agree on a unicorn, you need to make sure your needs align with their needs. If not, this will become a problem when it comes to the night of fun.
Everyone needs to have the same goals in mind, or else things could get awkward. This is even more important if you’re looking for a polyamorous relationship and not just a third for sexual needs.
Meet the unicorn before anything else happens
If you’re able, it’s best to meet the potential unicorn before you do anything. It’s always good to feel out the vibe and see how the chemistry is between everyone. You want it to be a good experience, so take some time to choose the right person.
Of course, this is specific to threesomes but if you’re looking for someone for a polyamorous relationship, you really need to take the time to get to know each other first. Maybe you won’t like them, maybe they won’t like you. You need to figure these things out to avoid upsetting anyone. [Read: Threesome sex or three times the trouble?]
Remember that the unicorn’s pleasure matters just as much as yours
This happens often. People find a third person, and someone is left out. But, you must understand if you’re finding a third, then the goal is to please and satisfy everyone involved. You don’t want someone to feel left out or worthless. If your third doesn’t meet your needs or vice versa, this may not be the unicorn for you. [Read: The best threesome positions that’ll keep all three partners happy]
It’s also important to remember that everyone should be involved equally. Don’t spend more time with one person than the other, whether that’s romantically or sexually. The whole point of polyamory is to be fair and equal.
The whole point of having a threesome is to be with two other people at once, and not just spend time with another person entirely – in that case, surely it’s just an open relationship?
Make sure that everyone is getting what they want out of the arrangement and you may find that unicorn hunting brings you exactly what’s been missing in your relationship.
[Read: Dating a married couple – What you need to know before dating them]
[Read: How to find a unicorn and why dating one is harder than you think]
If you follow these tips, you and your partner will be able to go unicorn hunting and find the perfect fit for your night of fun, or maybe a new type of relationship entirely.
