Confused about your sexuality? Don’t seem to be able to fit into any of the usual stereotypes? Then maybe you are actually a try-sexual.
The traditional lines drawn between different sexualities have never been more blurred. Once it was the case that you were either straight or you were not. Then along came bisexuality, confusing the issue for all traditional thinkers everywhere, describing those who were equally capable of being attracted to both genders. Even this wasn’t as straightforward as it sounded, with different degrees of attraction to each gender often being the case. [Read: 9 ways to know if you’re really bi-curious]
To confuse things even further, the term bi-curious started to pop into common use, describing those who were interested in experiencing same gender sexual relations, but not to the extent that they would commit to a homosexual relationship. The term “try-sexual,” though, is something that is probably entirely new to most of us.
Why try?
Anyone reading this article may be tempted to believe that a misspelling has occurred, and that the relevant prefix should be “tri” rather than “try.” This isn’t the case. “Try” doesn’t refer to a third type of sexuality rather than the verb “to try,” and in this case to try anything!
A try-sexual is someone who isn’t bound by other people’s definitions of what their attraction types are. They may chiefly be interested in the opposite sex and have had occasional sexual relations with the same sex, but would not define themselves as bisexual, due to their same gender attraction being purely sexual rather than physical.
Degrees of attraction
Physical and sexual attraction can be two very different things. For example, a woman might be almost wholly heterosexual, solely attracted to the male physical form and not to the female form in any way whatsoever. However, there may be an aspect of female sexuality, such as giving cunnilingus, or indeed several such aspects, that she is incredibly attracted to.
This can be something that people struggle with, questioning themselves and their sexuality – quite sure on the whole that they are not bisexual, but then confused by their attraction to certain same gender sex acts. Worry not. If this sounds a lot like you, then you may in fact be try-sexual.
Breaking the barriers
What being try-sexual is then, is to be possessed of an extremely liberal outlook regarding sexual activities in general: an ability to think beyond social constraints. And this may not be anything to do with which gender one would consider getting down and dirty with. It may describe one’s overall attitude to sex and all those proclivities, usually considered off the wall, that you would be willing to try or indeed already have tried.
Of course, it could be argued that everyone is potentially try-sexual, and that it is only these social restraints that limit any of us to same sex attraction. That, however, is a much bigger argument that needs its own article to discuss.
The signs that you’re a try-sexual
So, how do you tell if you are indeed of these elite sexual adventurers? Just read on and see how many of the following points ring true for your personal views on sexuality.
#1 The same sex. As mentioned previously, it is a common struggle that the try-sexual has in coming to terms with an attraction to same gender sex acts. A man or a woman may fantasize about oral sex with someone of the same gender, convincing them that they are bisexual, but at the same time feel no corresponding physical attraction.
If this is the case, then don’t worry. It’s just the try-sexual in you expressing its need to take part in a sexual activity that the opposite sex cannot realistically provide.
#2 Experience. If you have an overly broad spectrum of sexual experience for someone of your age, covering everything from BDSM to group sex and same sex relations, then chances are that you are a try-sexual. These things don’t generally “just happen” and there must have been an element of you seeking them out – even if subconsciously.
#3 Movie mad. And yes, we are talking pornographic film here. Nearly everyone indulges in porn to some extent, but when the frequency becomes quite high, it may be a tell-tale sign that you are a try-sexual. This is especially the case if you find yourself veering violently away from vanilla porn in favor of ever more kinky and extreme offerings, even finding pleasure in activities that you would never think of attempting in real life. [Read: 5 signs of porn addiction and 15 ways to get over it]
#4 An open mind. Is there a sexual activity that you’ve never entertained before, never thought that you would be interested in or attracted to for a second, but when a sexual partner suggests doing it, you suddenly become its foremost enthusiast? Another sure sign of being a try-sexual. [Read: How to become a more giving lover]
#5 Disproportionate tastes. Can you happily sit watching same gender hardcore sex acts on a porn film and/or secretly fantasize about being involved in them, but your stomach turns when you see two homosexual characters in a rom-com sharing a loving kiss?
Well, that’s because you’re a try-sexual. Sex in all its forms is a turn on for you, but physical attraction between two women or two men remains completely alien to your sensibilities.
#6 Evolving tastes. In the advice columns of agony aunts everywhere, the dull sexual relationship is very common fare. You know the kind of thing – “me and my boyfriend have been together for three years and we still haven’t gotten beyond the missionary position.”
However, in a relationship with a try-sexual, the opposite is likely to be true, as sexuality evolves so relentlessly that you may hear your other half complaining that you don’t perform the more pedestrian of sex acts quite often enough!
#7 Handy not candy. The try-sexual can sometimes be found in a relationship with someone who others may perceive to be less attractive than themselves. This is because a partner who matches them in the bedroom is far more important to a try-sexual than looks alone. A piece of eye candy who hems and haws about even the most basic of sexual acts is likely to leave a try-sexual cold.
#8 The thrill junkie. Try-sexuals are thrill junkies and get bored very quickly. They may have aspired to a certain sexual act for years, but once achieved and performed several times more, they swiftly become bored with the idea and will move on to the next sexual aspiration without a moment’s thought. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex – the right way to get risqué]
#9 The shock factor. Try-sexuals have a far higher shock threshold than others, and no matter how perverse or outlandish a sexual act might be, they are very rarely shocked. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, all depending, of course, upon their significant other’s prevalent attitude towards such things.
#10 Mood swings. Not between those emotions typically associated with the term, but rather in terms of sexual mood. If on Monday you are frantically abusing yourself to thoughts of same gender sexual activities, on Tuesday can only get turned on thinking about extreme BDSM, on Wednesday your head is filled solely with thoughts of gentle and loving heterosexual intercourse, but on Thursday you’re entirely obsessed by group sex, then you are almost certainly a try-sexual.
[Read: 10 tips to help you open up about your kinky side]
You don’t need to tick all the boxes to be a try-sexual, but even if only some of the signs explored above ring true, then you should perhaps consider the possibility!
