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Dating a Married Couple: What You Need to Know BEFORE Dating Them

Three’s a crowd, but it doesn’t have to be. Whether you have or haven’t done this before, consider these things before dating a married couple.

dating a married couple

Ten years ago, if you spoke about dating a married couple, you’d receive judgmental stares from everyone else. But times have changed, and people are more open now.

Everyone is experimenting with their sexuality and seeing beyond the limits of traditional relationships. You may think about dating a married couple, but you’re worried that a relationship between three people can get messy and that someone is always left out. Well, it doesn’t have to be like that.

This isn’t cheating because all three of you are aware and consenting to the arrangement. The rules of a traditional relationship don’t apply.

If you’ve found a couple you want to date, that’s awesome! Keep in mind that dating is serious, not just a quick three way with people you won’t ever see again. So before you jump right into business, there are some things you need to figure out with your couple.

[Read: Throuple relationship rules and how to have a happy threesome romance]

The most important things to know before dating a married couple

Since you’ll be dating a married couple, it won’t be only about hooking up. You’ll be spending quality time together, going on dates, just like you would with one person.

Here are some tips to help you through the entire process of dating a married couple.

1. Are you ready?

If you’ve never been in a polyamorous relationship before, you need to sit down with yourself and seriously think about these questions: Is this what you’re looking for? Can you be with more than one person and feel love for both? Will you be jealous of one of them? How much can you commit?

Not everyone is able to make it work. We all have our own emotional limits. So it’s okay if you’ve given it some thought and decide that you’re not ready. It’s always best to be honest with yourself before anything. [Read: How to get past the jealousy of sharing love in a poly relationship]

2. Are they ready?

They’re a married couple, so remember you’re the add-on. This isn’t a bad thing; it just means they have a history together.

So, make sure the couple is healthy, happy, and committed to each other. You shouldn’t be used as a tool for someone to move on from the relationship. Make sure the three of you are on the same page.

3. Think about what you want

This isn’t like a simple traditional relationship, so you need to be clear about what you want out of the relationship and the rules you want to implement.

Not into cuddling or texting with only one person out of the couple? You need to know what you’re comfortable with before even talking to the couple. If not, you’ll be seriously disappointed. [Read: How to manage your expectations in a relationship]

4. Communicate

Keep in mind that these people are married. They’ve known each other for so long and better than you do. They’ve most likely discussed everything with each other, so now it’s time to add you to the conversation.

Be honest and straightforward about what your boundaries are, the challenges, and how you will all overcome them.

5. Know the rules

They probably have a set of rules they want to talk to you about. If they don’t have any rules, sit down with them and make them together.

You cannot go into the relationship without any rules. This isn’t a conventional relationship. Everyone has their own personal boundaries, and if they say they don’t have any, run in the opposite direction.

6. Sex is important

Though the relationship is more than just sex, don’t forget that sex will be a part of the relationship. The great part of dating a married couple is you’re able to experiment.

However, we all have our limitations. If you’re not comfortable with anal or something freaky, for example, voice that in the beginning. [Read: The 24 best threesome sex positions for all partners to be happy]

7. Find the flow

Since they’re already a married couple, they have a formed relationship and flow. They have a routine. Learn how to adapt to it.

Of course, it’ll change a bit now that you’re in the relationship, but be open-minded and patient. And if they refuse to change the things that you’re not okay with, walk away. Don’t force yourself to endure a situation just to be accepted by the couple.

8. Time management is key

It’s not just you and another person; there are three of you involved. This means an extra schedule that you will all need to work with.

Save time for yourself, and give the couple time on their own as well. To juggle everyone’s schedule, talk about it with the couple and compromise.

9. Don’t see one person without the other

Yeah, that’s not going to end well. Unless you all agree that you could see one person without the other, don’t do it. Solo hang-out sessions can bring up issues, especially if this isn’t a structure you all agreed to.

And if you only consider the relationship because you’re interested in just one of them, it definitely won’t end well.

10. Check in with the couple

You should always check in with the couple and see how things are going. Maybe someone has a new boundary or wants to try something new. Make sure everyone’s needs are being met, including your needs. [Read: Healthy relationship boundaries and how to define a good love life]

11. Their fights are not your fights

You’re in the relationship, but fights between them, as a couple, are their own fights. Do not get dragged into their conflict.

It’s the same as being in a friend group. You can love both of them, acknowledge their flaws and mistakes, and give them advice without taking sides.

12. Keep seeing other people

Yes, you’re dating a married couple, but that doesn’t mean you should cut off meeting other people. If you’re in a non-committed relationship with the couple, don’t stop meeting new people and potential partners.

You have your own life outside of this relationship, so you should get to enjoy things on your own terms as well.

13. If it ends, it ends

If one of the people wants to end the relationship, the entire relationship ends. You can’t continue to see the other partner; it’s not going to end well.

Whatever you all start together, you must end together. Anything that happens after is considered cheating.

14. Practice safe sex

Remember, there are multiple partners involved in this relationship. Regardless, you should always be practicing safe sex, but it’s especially important now.

The more people involved, the higher risk of STDs. Always use protection and make sure your partners are using protection as well.

[Read: Could you actually be happy in a polyamorous relationship?]

Dating a married couple is getting double the love but also responsibility. If you follow these tips, it won’t be as big of a challenge as you thought. Make the most of this exciting experience and good luck!

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...