From a light tap to full-on flogging, here’s what you need to know if you want to introduce some spanking action in the bedroom.
Do you feel bored in the bedroom? Have you had sex with your partner in every nook and cranny of your house? Do you feel like your sex life needs some excitement and variety?
If you think you need to add some kink to your erotic repertoire, but are hesitant to go full-on BDSM with each other, maybe you’d benefit from a little spanking.
For some, a little playful spanking is enough to take the sexual tension and excitement up a few notches higher. What makes sexual spanking so appealing is the taboo and naughty air it brings to the table, which is a major turn-on in itself. There is also a slight domination/submission dynamic coming into play, where one is in control of dealing the blows, and the other is at the mercy of the whims of the other.
On a more physical level, that smack on the bottom causes your blood flow to increase to your butt and your nearby genitals, making it more sensitive and thereby increasing arousal.
How to add erotic spanking to your sex life
Whether you just like sudden, white-hot jolts of pleasurable pain to your derriere, or you want to explore your dominant/submissive sides, spanking is a fun and exciting way to intensify the fire in your sex life. Read the following tips to make the most out of erotic spanking and be the master in bed.
#1 Set a safe word. First of all, you and your partner should both agree on the spanking and on how strong or rough you want it. Establish who will be dominant *the spanker* and who will be submissive *the receiver*.
If you’re going to really rough it up, you should also set a safe word you will say when you want it to end. This tells the dominant partner that you’ve had enough or that you want a certain action to stop. This can be any word that you both understand, and this rule should always be followed. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex – the right way to get risqué]
#2 Warm up. Just because it’s spanking and you both agree that you want it to be hard, doesn’t mean you should go at it with all your might then and there. If it is your first time, slapping the butt too hard from the get-go can cause stinging pain that may put a halt to the fun before it really starts. Instead, take it slow at first to let the butt cheeks get used to the sensation. Then increase the force gradually to heighten pleasure.
#3 Build anticipation. Slapping the ass too fast will definitely feel like you’re being too personal and punishing your partner–and not in the naughty way. This can cause discomfort and pain–plus it’s not sexy. What you can do is to take your time between each spank, so your partner savors the contrasts of pain and pleasure as you build anticipation.
For example, you can give two to three slow spanks in a row, then you can kiss and let your hands roam to your partner’s privates. After a while, you can slap the ass again, and do something else afterward. This will give your partner different sensations in different parts of the body, which can take the pleasure to an almost otherworldly level. [Read: 9 sexiest foreplay tips you can use in bed]
#4 Use various hand techniques. No matter how crude you may think it is, spanking can actually be an art form–a craft. The way you position your hand and the way you hold it against your partner’s ass can produce different results. So, when you are slapping your partner’s booty, you can change it up a little bit.
You can alternate between slapping with cupped hands and slapping with flat palms and fingers. If you get turned on by the sound of spanking, but you don’t want a lot of pain, cupped hands are the way to go.
Meanwhile, slapping with palms and fingers flat on the ass can make a slapping noise and can be more painful. You can start with cupped hands and then progress to flat hands, while increasing the force to build anticipation.
#5 Make it exciting. Another way to assert your domination if you are the spanker is to make the activity exciting and unexpected. Although you have both set your boundaries beforehand, you can still give your partner a pleasurable surprise by giving mixed stimulations. During spanking, the ass and genitals become very sensitive, as they fill with blood, so you can apply different techniques to tease, squeeze, swat, and tickle.
You can do lighter swats and more forceful slaps. You can also caress the ass and give it some lovin’ after punishing it. Furthermore, you can also rub your partner’s ass and let your fingers trail to their genitals as a way to give your partner a break, as well as to bring the pleasure back to more familiar territory.
#6 Don’t forget to talk. As with any relationship, communication is important. Beyond watching out for your partner’s body language, it is also important to—ahem—talk dirty. Besides, if you are going down the naughty road, you should be able to talk the talk.
Give encouraging words to your partner if you’re on the receiving end. This will allow your partner to know when you’re enjoying yourself and will encourage them to continue. Talking dirty and vocally expressing your pleasure *or pain* are great for turning up the heat on your session. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever]
#7 Take out the props. The hand is one of the most common tools for spanking. It’s all-natural and free, too! However, there are plenty of spanking tools available to cater to all your spanking needs. This gives you and your partner plenty of options when it comes to what you want to use in bed. You can use whips, floggers, paddles, canes, or even feather ticklers. These instruments provide a wide variety of sensations, from tickles to sexual torture that will leave nerve endings quivering in bliss.
#8 Choose your positions. There are many ways to go about spanking your partner or being spanked. Aside from bending over with your feet spread apart on the floor and your hands straight out on the bed, you can also explore other positions. You can have you or your partner tied up bondage-style, lying face down on the bed, bent over a couch or chair, hands and knees on the floor, handcuffed to the bed, or laid across and over the knee. [Read: 9 ways to make doggy style your favorite sex position]
#9 Role-play. Spanking is a way for you and your partner to unleash facets of your sexuality. It can be exhilarating and liberating. To further amp up that other side of your sexual persona, you can role play. This adds more fun and dimension to your spanking session.
You can start the role play early in the day through some naughty sexts. Build it up until later in the day when you two are together, and both of you will be throbbing with naughty thoughts that you are eager to consummate.
Now that you have a guide to erotic spanking, you can try out the different tips and tricks on your partner to intensify your sex life. Just be sure to establish your roles, set a safe word, and add variety to your moves.
[Read: From the red room to the real world – BDSM in your boudoir]
It is important to keep in mind that trust is crucial if you’re going to start erotic spanking. Make sure you trust your partner, and that neither of you will do anything you haven’t agreed on. Take things slow, savor every sensation, and have a spankin’ great time!
