Getting a massage should be comfortable and relaxing. However, when basic etiquette is violated, it will become one of the bizarre massage stories.
While massage therapists are expected to provide their service with utmost professionalism, patrons in turn are expected to follow a few rules governing etiquette within the borders of the massage table. Break these and well… let’s hear it from the professionals themselves.
12 bizarre massage stories
Everyone loves a good story! But you might not have heard any massage stories before. So read on… but be warned: you will cringe, you’ll be shocked, you’ll giggle, and hopefully you’ll learn.
#1 Unhygienic body horror. Clients are at least expected to have showered prior to their appointment. Some do, some don’t. But there are moments when a shower is not enough and a Hazmat suit is required.
-“My worst horror story was a guy who came in for massage. I can totally deal with a little bit of BO, but this guy – holy sh*t – the entire clinic reeked of BO! When he took off his shirt, it was very obvious that this guy did not shower or change his clothes often.
His singlet was covered in yellow stains! Worst massage I’ve ever done… I was almost gagging on the smell.” – purple_bee (via reddit)
-“I was fuming the other day because I massaged a guy who legit had a chunk of sh*t in his crack. Sometimes I hate my job, but how hard is it to shower before a massage!?” –purple_bee (via reddit)
-“I lotioned my hands and touched his back, and to my disgust realized why his back looked weird to me in the dim light. His back was a minefield of giant blackheads. I continued the massage. As I start to warm the skin and get the blood flowing on his back, some of the blackheads start working loose! They are now coating my hands and getting stuck between my fingers. There’s a weird smell that starts filling the air.” –TwistTheRabbit (via Reddit)
-“When I first started doing massage about 15 years ago, I was working in a fancy spa-type setting. I was doing a couple’s massage along with my co-worker. I was massaging the lady, and she was massaging the gentleman.
Well, unfortunately the gentleman had a Sacajawea coin sized pus-filled blister on his back that popped during the massage. Every time my co-worker made a pass down his back, the blister would glurp a little more of its hell juice onto his back.
Our clients were both face down, so we were making the most wretched faces at each other to express our disgust as my co-worker did her best to avoid touching the yellow mess.” –Bobiki (via Reddit)
#2 When patrons go naughty. Due to the intimate nature of massages with all its touching, some patrons may get carried away and start being frisky.
-“I’m a male massage therapist. When I first started my job, I had a male client grind into the table while he was prone. When I had turned him supine, he asked if I could massage his stomach. I started my stomach routine, but was aware of a different consistency on my hands – something that wasn’t my oil. [Read: The perfect romantic massage to turn your partner on]
I was desperately trying to figure out what it was *had I accidentally mixed oils?*, when the treatment had ended. He tipped me $100 with a big grin and left. I knew what that strange consistency was now.” – various_fabrics (via Reddit)
-“I’ve been a Licensed Massage Therapist for four years now, and two weeks ago for the first time ever, I had an older man think it was OK to try to kiss me. I HAD TO PUSH HIM OFF OF ME. I did not stop to think about his welfare, or him potentially suing my small practice. I only thought about my boundaries and my safety. After re-establishing my boundaries, I showed him the door.” – gabrielle612 (via Reddit)
-“In a couple’s massage, a guy grabbed my hand and put it right above his dick and gave me a very, very lustful look. Also, an old man “accidently” grazed my butt then my vagina. I also had a guy win a free massage and then tipped me his phone number.” – jaydastar (via Reddit)
-“One woman tried to put her face in my crotch and told me she would love to eat me out. For the record, I was wearing yoga pants as I am also a yoga instructor.” – Toxteth_OGrady (via Reddit)
-“Former massage therapist here. I used to work in the YMCA in my hometown. There was a group of four older ladies, around their early 50s, that all played tennis together and afterwards took turns getting massaged. At first it was great, they were mostly doctors’ wives, fairly easy-going, and generous tippers to boot. [Read: Massaging your partner to orgasm]
But then things took a turn for the strange. One woman offered me a diamond tennis bracelet if I agreed to switch the order they were massaged in and did her first. I declined the gift, but promised to use a rotating schedule in the future. Finally, I guess she got tired of beating around the bush (so to speak) and made an outright advance by grabbing my hand and forcing it onto her breast. I told her I was very flattered, but I wasn’t interested in other women this way.” – laceyleplante (via Reddit)
#3 Not a “Happy Ending.” Some patrons may have gotten the wrong address or confused your friendly neighborhood massage clinic for a more seedy type of establishment.
-“So when I was doing clinical, we were required to find our own clients. Being the go-getter that I am, I posted a Kijiji ad offering my services. Not long afterwards, I get a text message from a guy asking me how much a massage was. [Read: Body language attraction – touchy feely flirting]
I gave the standard response stating my clinic’s student’s rates. He (I’m assuming it was a male) asked if it offered special massages and mentioned that he was willing to pay extra. I explained that the clinic I worked at was professional and referred him to Craigslist instead of Kijiji.
He persisted in asking by tempting me with more money and said to name my price.” –mythyasha (via Reddit)
-“I was massaging the dude while my co-worker did the woman. He was obviously really enjoying it and asked jokingly if he could take me home with him. His GF proceeded to jump up from the bed, butt naked, and stormed out, but not before coming over to me to call me a bunny boiler.” – natdusz (via Reddit)
“About a year ago, I had a client that told me I didn’t need to worry about draping him properly, saying “I’m not shy” I advised him that I always follow draping procedure to the letter (only undraping the part of the body I’m working on, keeping genitals covered at all times, etc.).
And his response was, “Oh, you’re a rule follower, are you?” My response was “Absolutely,” and just continued with the massage. He didn’t say anything else, but there was a load of semen on the table after he left.” – Shirlena6 (via Reddit)
[Read: 20 Types of physical touches and what each ones means]
Being a massage therapist is a rewarding yet challenging profession. But despite the occasional pervert or unshowered client, awkward experiences make for good massage stories, and as a buffer for one’s professional experience.
