For those of you who use the excuse that it’s just sex, you can no longer justify yourself that way. This is why sex can never fully be just a physical act.
I can’t even explain to you how angry I get when someone sleeps with someone and justifies it by saying, “But it was just sex.” Because it’s not really just sex. They use this as an excuse to make doing it okay when it was under NOT okay circumstances.
Many people *girls in particular* try to play sex off as if it’s not important to them by labeling it as “just sex,” when in reality, it’s the complete opposite of that. There is so much more to sex than people like to admit.
Why do we justify having sex?
Sex is a natural human experience. But sometimes, the societal stigma of sex takes hold and we feel like we have to justify our reasons for having sex with someone. And when we don’t want to admit to the real reasons for banging that hot person, we say, “It was just sex.”
But why do we need to justify it? I think it’s because talking about sex is still considered taboo and that having sex with someone when you’re not in a relationship is still considered taboo as well. So we dim down the importance of sex in order to justify ourselves to society. [Read: 16 signs to know if it’ll be a one night stand date at the very beginning]
This is why sex is never just sex
As much as we’d like to hook up with every attractive person we see and never worry about it because we think that sex is just sex, we can’t. Because sex is a hell of a lot more than that, and try as we might, our human nature won’t let us forget that.
No matter how many people you hook up with or how many times you tell yourself that it’s no big deal because it’s just sex, there are definitive reasons why sex is much more than its physical components.
#1 Sex means emotion. It’s not just some sort of fairytale that people can get really attached after having sex with someone. It’s actually science. When we have sex, there’s an overlap between the sexual desire part of your brain and the emotional love portion.
So even though they’re technically separate emotions, your brain can process them as one because of this overlap. And for those of you who think that it’s mostly just women who experience this, you’re wrong. It’s exactly the same for men. No matter which way you slice it, sex is emotional, not purely physical. [Read: 9 relationship stages that all couples go through]
#2 It can leave a lasting impact. You can never undo having sex with someone. Even if you try to *and maybe you even do* forget it, it still happened and it can have a lasting impact. That’s one more person to whom you’ve opened up and have been vulnerable with. That’s one more person who has seen more of you than most. This can have an impact on us for many years, even if we didn’t form an emotional attachment to that person. [Read: 17 sordid signs you’re just a hook-up and nothing more]
#3 You form a connection with someone. Emotions aside, you still form a deep connection with the person you’re sleeping with. You can’t say that it’s just sex when you’re getting that real and vulnerable with someone else, no matter what your relationship is like otherwise.
Even if it’s just a friend and the two of you are having “just sex” for fun, you still form a different connection with them than what you may have had before. You’re reaching them on a different level, and in no way can you constitute that as something as unimportant as just sex. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
#4 Our DNA forces us to crave sex for procreation. If you can honestly tell me that sex is just sex when our DNA is stating something completely different, you’re crazy. As human beings, we’re driven to find three things: food, shelter, and someone to mate with.
Our DNA has hardwired how important sex is into our brains, and therefore, it simply can’t be as unimportant as the term “just sex” suggests.
#5 It’s a big deal. Sex isn’t something to be taken lightly. That’s why our parents spend so many awkward moments with us trying to drill that very idea into our minds.
It’s not just a big deal because society says it is, either. It’s a big deal because of everything that’s involved in having sex with someone. The emotion, the connections, the risks, and the mere fact that you want it to be with someone respectful all factor into each sexual encounter, whether you realize it or not. [Read: Losing your virginity and having sex for the first time]
#6 Sex comes with risks of pregnancy. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone call it “just sex” when they’ve ended up with a baby nine months after the fact. Those people usually aren’t able to say it’s just sex due to the magnitude of the impact it had on their lives.
Pregnancy is important. And how does someone get pregnant? They have sex. Therefore, we can’t conclude that sex isn’t important by comparison.
#7 It also comes with risks of STDs. Some STDs can be cured easily, while others pose quite a bit more harm. If you end up getting busy with someone, even as a one-night-stand, and get an STD as a result of that fun, you can’t tell your friends that it was “just sex.” [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]
#8 Sex affects you emotionally, long after you’re no longer with them. Again with the darn emotions. It doesn’t matter whom it was with, sex makes an imprint on our lives. We are never quite the same person, nor do we feel like the same person after having had sex with another person. That’s why it can’t be just sex.
#9 Insecurities come out when you have sex. And this can affect you for a while even after you’re done having sex. If someone looked at you a little funny when you took your clothes off or even if you just felt insecure when on top of them, it can make a big difference in our lives.
Insecurities have the ability to absolutely cripple someone emotionally and cause them to break down. Sex sometimes highlights your insecurities because you get completely real and naked in front of someone else, and there’s nothing to hide behind. [Read: How to look better naked using 15 real life tips]
#10 Causal sex comes with self-shaming. As much as I wish society was more accepting of other people’s lifestyles, that’s just not the reality. When you go out and have sex, even if you’re putting on a strong face by calling it “just sex,” you’ll still feel that societal shame about yourself. But by doing so, you’re only hurting yourself. You can’t dismiss something as being unimportant if it can have such an effect on you.
[Read: 1o casual relationship tips to keep it just casual]
As much as some of us wish we could have “just sex” with someone, there’s always going to be more to it than that. These are just some of the reasons we can never say sex is purely just sex.
