We can’t be loved by everyone. But if you find yourself asking “why do people hate me” way too often, there is a reason. Here are some clues.
Why do people hate me? That is an awful question to have to ask yourself. But, if you find it creeping its way into your thoughts regularly, it is becoming a real problem.
Sure, not everyone will like you. That is part of life. But hate is a pretty strong word. Hate is more than a dislike or indifference. Hate meaning someone actively has negative feelings toward you.
They don’t talk to you, or worse ar mean to you. This sucks. It is not pleasant to feel like people hate you. And instead of accepting it, you probably want to fix it. Or at the very least, know why people hate you.
And there is always a reason. Sometimes it is your fault, and other times it isn’t. It can be due to some character flaws you don’t realize you have or can be more about the person who hates you than you.
Having the thought, “why do people hate me” lingering in your mind isn’t something that should be happening. So, you have to figure out if these negative emotions are because of you… or because of them. [Read: Learn how to stop caring what others think about you]
Why you’re asking “why do people hate me?”
First things first, people may not hate you. Oftentimes when someone is asking themselves this question, they are projecting.
Others probably aren’t putting in the effort to hate, but you feel that way. Yes, you’re feeling are valid, but digging deeper to find the cause of those isn’t about others. It is about you.
Do people really hate you, or do you? If you are struggling with low confidence, you may dislike yourself or even hate yourself. If you don’t like certain things about your personality, you could simply be projecting that onto others.
This doesn’t sound good, but most people aren’t thinking about you as often as you are. They are so worried about themselves, and if other people like them, they aren’t concerned about you.
So, while you’re worried wondering about why people hate you, they probably aren’t even considering you.
Sure, sometimes people do hate you or dislike you. And I’ll get to all the reasons why, but before we get there, consider the alternative.
People don’t hate you. You just think they do. [Read: Stop self-loathing… You’re better than that]
Why do people hate me?
In a lot of cases, people don’t hate you as much as you may think. But, in others, they just might.
Even though it’s not realistic to think everyone will like you, there are some reasons why they might. If you’re asking yourself, “why do people hate me?” these reasons may give you some answers.
1. You’re more successful
Jealousy is a powerful emotion – and it’s an ugly one. But so many people are jealous of others who are more successful than they are.
This success could mean simply that you did better in school or have a higher-paying job. Yeah, I know it sounds stupid, but it’s what keeps the whole competitive wheel in motion. People don’t like feeling like losers. [Read: How to stop being jealous of someone else’s success]
2. You remind them of themselves
This is usually the top reason why someone would hate you without having a significant reason. Who wants to admit that they’re flawed? The point is, they probably have more in common with you than you’d realize. They are like you, and that’s why they hate you.
You know that character in your favorite TV show that you find to be cringey and hard to watch? It isn’t because they are opposite to you, but probably because they remind you of the things you don’t like so much about yourself. Make sense?
3. You signify their failures
Maybe people hate you because, at one point, you both had the same job, but you got the raise, and they were demoted. Now, every time they see you, they’re reminded of the time where they were told they were less than what you are.
This has nothing to do with you but is about their failures and shortcomings.
4. They don’t have what you have
People may hate you simply because you have qualities that they lack. Maybe you have more Instagram followers, a close circle of friends, a new car – I know this sounds stupid and shallow, but it’s true.
When you compare yourself to others, you get filled with negative emotions for those you wish you were more like. It is why even when your friends are happy in a relationship, and you want to be happy for them, some of you feel bitter. [Read: 12 ways to stop negative people from sapping your energy]
5. You threaten them
I’ve sat next to someone’s boyfriend and talked to them socially, and all of a sudden, their girlfriend comes and gives me a hateful glare. I’ve never spoken to her in my life, but I’m talking to her boyfriend, and that’s too close for comfort. I’m perceived as a threat. Do I want her boyfriend? No. But for her, I’m walking into her territory.
Someone can hate you for something small and insignificant. But, again, this is more about how they see themselves and has nothing to do with you.
6. They don’t feel safe around you
People need to feel safe. Do you typically hang out with people you feel unsafe around? Exactly. It could be just the fact that you’re a stranger that they don’t know, or maybe you like to live on the wild side of life. Either way, if it puts people’s safety in question, you’re probably not their favorite.
7. You brag
You just love to name-drop and flash all the diamonds on Instagram. There are probably a decent amount of people who think you’re cool, but most people will hate you for this. Why? Because it is tacky and classless. Plus, mix that in with a little jealously… and there you go, you have hate.
8. You think you know it all
You went to Yale, we know, we ALL know. And with that Arts degree, you’re the Einstein of our generation, or at least you’d like to think so. Being a know-it-all is not sexy or intellectual. It is a way of putting others down.
Yet, this is a behavior people don’ always realize they are showing off. Even if you always know the answer or want to correct people, let things go. No one wants to be made to feel dumb. Be a little humble and modest with your thoughts. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism people overlook until it’s too late]
9. You’re selfish
It’s always only about you. In fact, no one can remember when you were there to help them with an issue they had. They only remember sitting beside you when you were dumped or went bankrupt. You’re selfish.
Being selfish can stem from a lot of things, like a former relationship or your childhood. But, these are excuses. If you look back and realize you might be selfish, it might be time to reconsider some things. [Read: 20 ways to stop being selfish]
10. You use people
You actually don’t have any true friends. All the friends you have are due to your own self-interest. You befriended someone for a favor or to get ahead. Though it works initially, people start to notice fairly quickly, especially when you only call them when you need something. People don’t like being used. It’s a pretty easy way to get people hating you.
11. You lie
If you want to get people to hate you, then lie. It’s the most efficient way. Lying breaks trust in people. Thus, they start to dislike you.
Whether you lie about important things or are a pathological liar, lying for no reason is unattractive, unnecessary, and a reason for people to hate you. So, if you can’t even be honest with what you had for breakfast, maybe you need to seek some therapy. Because lying won’t get you any friends. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and the people in your life]
12. You use your brain
This may come as a surprise, but most people are mindless drones – AKA sheep. So, if you’re someone who questions and critically analyzes, people aren’t going to like you much. Should you care about this? No. Because you’re one of the rare ones. Keep thinking, and hopefully, someone else will join you.
13. You don’t let other people talk
So, you’re a talker. It’s not a bad thing. It is bad that you never let anyone else talk, and then you cut them off when they try to. This also means you’re a poor listener. Even quiet people like to be heard.
Next time you ask, “why do people hate me?” take a breath before talking. You can be the star of the conversation without completely running it. The whole point of socialization is for people to talk and build relationships. If they wanted to listen to you preach, they would join a church or sit in a lecture. [Read: Do you love talking and hate listening?]
14. You’re an energy sucker
That’s right. If someone is in a good mood, you make sure you get some of what they’re having. You just take and take and take until they’re pruning up in the corner. People tend to stay away from people who literally suck the energy out of them. You have to change that by finding your own energy.
15. You need handholding
Everyone needs help now and again, but asking too much of others is more than annoying. If you need handholding for every little thing, people will find you needy and clingy. No one wants to be around someone like this. It seems like you are playing the victim and want attention.
When someone craves attention and help like this, it tends to have the opposite effect.
16. You’re spoiled
Being a spoiled brat may not be your fault *HI, Mom and DAD!* But, you can stop it once it comes to light. Being spoiled means, you don’t see things how the rest of the world does. You don’t realize some people can’t just replace their phone or laptop if it breaks.
Not everyone was raised with a maid, their own room, or even a roof over their head. You expect things to be given to you that others have to work really hard for and don’t even realize. Open your eyes to reality, and people will stop hating you. [Read: How to tell if you’re the toxic one]
17. You are judgmental
Being judgmental is just not okay. It doesn’t matter if you have your beliefs or religion. You can live your life how you want. But, when you take those beliefs and judge others for their choices, it crosses a line.
Whether you judge others behind their back or to their face, this makes people hate you, and honestly, for a good reason. You are not perfect. You have no right to judge others.
18. You’re close-minded
Not willing to budge or even hear someone out? This can make people hate you. They may not be right for hating you, but you aren’t right either. Most things you are close-minded about are probably not black and white. Things need conversation and thought.
If you are unwilling to hear someone’s side or something, it can make people hate you pretty easily.
19. You’re codependent
You rely on others to function. The way you see yourself depends on how others see you. You get all of your self-esteem and confidence through others’ vision of you, not your vision of yourself.
This can not only come off as clingy or needy, but it is unhealthy. Relying on others for how you view yourself is dangerous and toxic. People don’t want to have that much responsibility for how you feel. [Read: Do you have codependent traits that make you clingy?]
20. You acknowledge none of these attributes
You may have read through this and thought, “but I don’t do any of these things.” You do… and that’s the problem. If you think you’re unflawed, well, you clearly live in a bubble. Pop it, and then reread this feature.
What to do when people hate you
Now that you may know some of the reasons people hate you, it is time to do something about it.
My best piece of advice would be to go to therapy and be honest. Be 100% honest. Telll them your falws and what you want to wor on and why you think people hate you. Tell them why you are worried about how others eee you and why that means so much to you.
A professional can guide you in the ride direction. Not only will more people like you, but more importantly, you will learn to like yourself and become a better person.
[Read: How to make new friends – 15 ways to do it right as an adult]
Now you know why you ask, “why do people hate me” and you can stop. Listen, it could be a combination of things, but looking at yourself is the best place to start. Let’s reduce the amount of hatred.
