Home  >  My Life  >  Relationships

Feel Unlovable? 12 Life-Changing Truths You Need to Know

We all go through down periods in our lives when we feel like we’re unlovable. If this sounds like you, just remember these 12 important things.


We all go through those painful moments in life where we get down about ourselves and we feel so bad that it’s almost like we’re unlovable. It’s only natural to feel that way sometimes, and although it’s painful, there are ways to get through it.

No matter why you’re feeling a little down, just know that this feeling won’t last very long. Feeling like you’re unlovable isn’t an everlasting feeling – you can get through it with some time and a little help.

Why we get down on ourselves

Everybody feels like this at some point in their lives, everybody. Even if you seem like the perfect person *and nothing bad ever happens to you*, you will feel this way at some point in your life because it’s only natural.

We get down on ourselves and feel unlovable for a lot of reasons. We may have just gone through a breakup, our self-esteem has dwindled for some reason, or it may even be because someone else told us we were unlovable.

Things to remember when you feel like you’re unlovable

No matter what happened that has you feeling down on yourself, you can’t stay thinking that way for long. Having this mindset for a long time can really take a toll on your life and bring down other aspects of it as well – which nobody wants.

If you start feeling like you’re unlovable, there are really important things that you have to remember. These can help bring you out of that funk and realize that you’re just as – if not more – lovable than anyone else. [Read: 15 little changes that’ll make you feel loved instantly]

#1 Your mind is in a negative place and that’s all. It’s important to remember that when you’re feeling unlovable, it’s not because you’ve done anything wrong or bad, it’s usually because you’re stuck in a negative mindset and you have to get out of it.

Having a negative mindset will bring all good things in your life down to a negative level. Meaning if you’re feeling a little insecure, being too negative about it will make you feel unlovable. Don’t let your mind trick you.

#2 Focusing on positives can help. Instead of dwelling on all of the negative aspects of your life, bring some positivity into it! Only focus on the positive outcomes that may arise from situations, and never let your mind dip into negativity.

By keeping a positive mind, you’ll remove the negative fog that is making you believe that you’re unlovable. Always look for the good and never think about the bad. [Read: How to master self-talk and banish negativity]

#3 Nobody important in your life thinks you’re unlovable. Ask your parents, siblings, cousins, friends, or even your significant other. All of them clearly love you and therefore, you’re automatically lovable!

Nobody important in your life thinks that you’re unlovable, and that’s a really important thing to remember when you’re feeling down. If they don’t think you are, then neither should you.

#4 Negative things other people say don’t matter. There is negativity everywhere. People feed off others’ negativity, and they try to make you feel bad so they can feel better.

The thing you have to remember when you’re feeling unlovable, is that they don’t matter. None of those people saying anything negative or harmful things about you matter at all in your life. Just forget about them, and you’ll remember how lovable you really are. [Read: How to ignore people who ruin a perfectly good day]

#5 Your self-esteem just took a hit. When we feel unlovable, it’s almost always because our self-esteem just took a hit – and our minds start thinking this way in order to make sense of it. If you were just told that you weren’t pretty or cool or interesting in any way, it might make you feel like this.

What you have to remember is that it’s just someone else’s opinion and it really shouldn’t matter. Your self-esteem will fluctuate from time to time, but that doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable. [Read: The biggest signs of low self-esteem, and ways to increase it]

#6 Being busy doing something you love can make it better. When we get in a negative mindset and start to think that we’re unlovable, we kind of give up on doing the things that make us happy. Our hobbies get left alone and we suffer in boredom.

Just remember that when you start feeling this way, you should always do things that make you feel happy and things that you love doing. Cutting yourself off of the things you love will only foster more harmful feelings.

#7 There are more things good about you than bad. People seem to forget this the most when they start to feel unlovable, but it’s the most important thing to remember. You are more good than you are bad.

Sure, you may have a few qualities that are less than great, but you have even more that are absolutely amazing. Don’t dwell on all the bad things when there are so many good things about you to think about and all of those good things are what make you lovable. [Read: 18 ways to build your self-esteem and start winning in life]

#8 Comparing yourself to others is NEVER a good thing to do. Sometimes, you may start to feel unloved when you compare yourself to other people. You’re not as pretty, not as smart, not as whatever it is they are that you want to be.

What you always have to remember is that you can’t compare yourself to someone else because you’re not them. Everyone is different and everyone has different qualities that make them unique. People in your life love you for YOU, not for someone you want to be.

#9 Accepting who you are as a person will make a huge difference. Maybe feeling unlovable is coming from a place of not being happy with who you are. This can bring you into a negative headspace because you think you need improving.

While everyone can improve themselves to be a better person, accepting who you are in the moment will help you realize that you are loveable. Loving yourself is the first step to relieving the feeling of being unlovable. [Read: 12 life questions to help you visualise a much better future immediately]

#10 Surround yourself with people who love you. There are plenty of them. Believe me. You just have to seek them out and then keep them around all the time.

Keeping people around you who love you will help you see that yes, you are lovable – and there’s the proof of it. Don’t be alone, and don’t be around people who put you down.

#11 List off the things that YOU love about yourself every day. Wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and make a list of all the reasons you love yourself. Do this every single day and you’ll see that if you love yourself, you are automatically loveable. [Read: 35 funny things to tell yourself to build your self-esteem]

#12 Yes, you are lovable. This is a vital thing to remember. No matter how you’re feeling, who is putting you down, or what you did, you ARE lovable. Everybody is lovable no matter what their situation is. Remembering this FACT will help you get through those dark days of feeling unlovable.

[Read: Sabotaging your happiness – 12 ways you could be ruining your own life]

Nobody is unlovable – even if we feel like it sometimes. If you want to feel better about yourself, just remember these 12 important things.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...