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Sex Is Overrated: Why Some Love Sex & Some Couldn’t Care Less

If you listen to what society tells us, sex is the be all and end all. But, do you think that sex is overrated? Or, do you love every second?

sex is overrated

Sex is everywhere. You’ll see it on television, in movies, ads, history, and even in food! So, it’s not surprising that some people have had enough of it, or are just too sick of putting it on a pedestal. There’s a lot of pressure looming over the word “sex,” especially since there are thousands of connotations surrounding it. It’s physical, emotional, mental. For many, it’s a rite of passage or a prize. Yet, it’s not that great sometimes. So does that mean sex is overrated?

No matter which way you look at it, sex is still being discussed.

Yet, sex is not always a good thing these days. It can be bad, and it can be unappealing.

At the same time, it’s still a practical part of human nature, and it will never go out of style – we literally need it to reproduce! However, there has been a change in meaning and relevance over time. [Read: Don’t want to have sex anymore?]

Honestly, I am over the whole *sex is the most awesome thing ever* phase, but I’m also still at the *sex is one of the most beautiful things in the world* phase. So, which is it? It might be that sex is overrated. Or it might not. Perhaps it depends on your mood?

[Read: Tired of monogamous sex? 20 racy ways to make it spicy!]

Who says sex is overrated?

Lots of people, apparently. You have to ask yourself, why would they say that? What made them change their minds? Here’s what we found about why people think sex is overrated.

1. When sex becomes a necessity in relationships

There are people who can live without sex, and there are people who can live with little sex. In actuality, everyone can live without recreational sex for a very long time. Unfortunately, no matter what kind of romantic relationship you are in, sex is usually a requirement to some degree. [Read: 13 untold sex secrets that you need to know]

The timeline may differ from person to person, but the only way that you can forego sex forever is if you choose to be asexual for the rest of your life.

Sex is overrated when it takes precedence over the emotional connection between two people. It’s even worse when a couple thinks that sex is the most important aspect to building an emotional connection. Reality check: it’s not. [Read: How to know if you’re asexual and don’t like getting laid as much as others]

2. When the reward is not worth the effort

Sex takes a physical toll on a person’s body. Even if you’re just lying there while your partner does all the work, your energy will be sucked out of you by the time you orgasm, if you orgasm. It’s how the body works, and you can’t escape that fact. [Read: What does an orgasm feel like? The answers-cum-guide to the big O]

Apart from that, there is also the emotional and social effort you need to put into having sex. You can’t just screw someone out of nowhere, you have to work at building a physical attraction, even if you just need an hour or so. Casual, worthless sex is never any good, no matter what anyone tells you.

When it turns out that the sex isn’t that good, or if something went wrong in the middle of it, then it becomes this uneventful situation that you wished never happened in the first place. If it happens too much, then sex is overrated. [Read: 9 awkward signs you’re having really bad sex with your lover]

3. When the purpose doesn’t fit what the person wants

Another time when sex is overrated is when you expect a certain outcome, but you are left with something different.

People have sex for different reasons, such as becoming pregnant, discovering one’s sexuality, fulfilling a physical need, etc. If a person thinks that there is an alternative to fulfilling those needs, that’s the time when they start to realize that sex is overrated.

In my opinion, the most challenging need that sex can fulfill is cultivating an extreme emotional bond with the person you love.

Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. And that’s how we arrive at how sex is actually not that overrated at all. [Read: How to have the best sex of your life with 15 easy bedroom rules]

Sex is not overrated – For some people

The beauty of sex is that it can be done by any two people, regardless of their gender, race, size, or shape. If you really want to do it, you can do it. Thank goodness for sexual liberation, right? But there is a point when sex starts to become something that’s expected and not worked for. That is when it truly starts to become overrated.

It starts happening frequently, without any thought or investment in the act or emotion that goes into it. Yeah, you get an orgasm *maybe*, but so what? That’s not what’s so great about sex. [Read: How to have great sex with your lover]

Sex is awesome when it’s done with someone you love. It’s even more awesome when you take the time to learn the technicalities of it all. To give you a better understanding, here are some of the reasons why sex is not as overrated as it seems.

1. Sex can make people happier

Seriously. Having sex allows the brain to release happy hormones called serotonin and dopamine. Not only that, the physical activity also releases endorphins – another type of happy hormone. Sex concocts a veritable cocktail of happy juices, but only if it’s done correctly.

Although it is true that dopamine and serotonin levels rise in the arousal state, they can just as easily reduce if the act doesn’t end in an orgasm.

Aside from that, if you’re not turned on, no happy hormones will appear. So what’s the lesson here? Learn how to have good sex.

Sadly, this might not be the case for people who are unable to achieve orgasm *anorgasmia*. Fortunately, dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin can be acquired through other means, such as exercising, laughing, and spending quality time with your loved ones. [Read: Tantric sex – How to awaken your sexuality]

2. Sex helps people bond, regardless of their attraction to each other

Another hormone that’s released during sex is oxytocin. This is also called the “love hormone.” Oxytocin is what allows lovers to bond in the initial phase of the sexual relationship.

It can be hard to take advantage of oxytocin with casual sex because you need to cultivate an emotional bond in order for it to work.

This is why people who have regular sex – researchers suggest doing it once a week – may have a longer and maybe even more permanent relationships. However, they still need to work on their communication and emotional connection in order to make the most out of their oxytocin high. [Read: Why Oxytocin can be toxic for flawed relationships]

3. Sex is a powerful act that encompasses all walks of life

Having sex is not just about getting it on. It is also about learning the limits and value of your body, and I’m not just talking about your genitalia.

Sex also influences how you think, how you live, how you act, and how you treat other people. This is the reason why so many cultures have different perceptions and rules about sex. The existence of sex allows us to create boundaries that either hinder us or allow us to have sex.

For example, many cultures and religions prefer to treat sex as a rite of passage. Because of this, they have inadvertently taught their followers and people how to value something to the point that it’s put on a pedestal. Although the idea feels overrated, for many people, it is still important. [Read: Why is sex important in a relationship?]

Apart from that, talking about sex has opened so many boundaries between these cultures. Admittedly, it was the western world that introduced the liberalism that exploded with the sexual revolution. Yet, it also paved the way for both men and women to discover the true value of sex and what it means to the person they love.

If you still think sex is overrated, how can you change your view?

Whether you think that sex is overrated or not, you have to admit that it’s a pretty important act. It populates the world, it allows lovers to connect on a deeper level, and it releases pent up tension. Sex has many health benefits too. Who would have known it!

If you’re not the biggest lover of sex, do you want to change that view? That’s the first question you need to ask yourself.

What is your relationship with sex and why do you feel negatively about it? Has something happened in the past to make you feel that way? Have you had bad experiences with lovers before? Do you feel inexperienced?

Perhaps you have trouble reaching orgasm so you don’t see the point in all that sweating and grunting? [Read: 12 hidden reasons you aren’t having a mind-blowing orgasm]

For those who want to change their view of sex, you first need to identify what has caused you to feel that way. If it’s a past experience, do your best to work through it.

For more serious issues, e.g. past abuse, seek professional help to work through your emotions. It’s never a weakness to admit that perhaps you need a little help; it’s the strongest thing you can do.

However, if your view that sex is overrated simply because you’ve never had an amazing experience between the sheets, you simply need to learn how to have better sex than you’ve had in the past. [Read: 14 incredible benefits of sex that’ll make you want more]

Try these few points.

1. Learn what you like

The reason you’ve had bad sex in the past could simply be because you have no idea what makes you feel good. This varies wildly from person to person!

The best way to learn what you like in bed is to masturbate. Go on, you know you want to! Masturbation has some major health benefits but in terms of finding out how to hit your hot spots, it’s the best way forward.

2. Try something different

Perhaps you’ve got stuck in a rut. When you do the same thing every single time it’s just going to turn into a chore. Mix up the time of day or night, try different positions, ask your partner what they want to try, and maybe talk about your fantasies.

Spicing up your love life could take your view from overrated to seriously underrated! [Read: 16 mind-blowing ways to spice up your relationship tonight]

3. Don’t rush into sex

This point covers two separate situations. You will always think that sex is overrated if you’re just not turned on when you get down to it.

Foreplay is your friend! Make sure that you’re super turned on before you have sex and you’ll start to experience sensations you’ve never felt before.

Secondly, don’t rush into having sex with a new partner too quickly. Now, if you want to then go for it, no judgement here.

However, if you’re someone who values the emotional connection, hold off on becoming intimate too soon and get to know each other a little first. You might find that it helps you to enjoy it far more when you finally get down to it. [Read: Emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy – Why it’s a story of the chicken and the egg]

4. Choose your partner wisely!

I can’t stress this one enough. If you somehow end up with selfish lovers every single time, your sexual experiences are probably going to be disappointing.

You might think there’s something super-sexy about that person who exudes sex appeal and everyone wants to be with. But, if they’re all about themselves, the sex is probably going to be bad. [Read: Sexy tips: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving]

Choose a partner you can communicate with freely. Someone you feel comfortable with and who listens to what you say. That way, you’ll be able to mix things up, try new things, and enjoy everything that sex brings.

5. Stop pressuring yourself

It could also be that you’re stressed about the fact you don’t orgasm every single time and you feel like there’s something wrong.

For most women, orgasm doesn’t happen every single time. If you do, well, go you!

However, many women find that orgasm is a little hard to reach sometimes. It’s normal, so don’t pile on the pressure and make sex a huge thing in your head. The ironic thing is that when you relax and just learn to enjoy the sensations, ALL of them, you’ll probably find it easier to climax anyway.

Enjoy the journey as much as the pinnacle.

Many people believe that sex is overrated. Perhaps it’s because it’s everywhere we look. But if you’re not having great sex yourself, it’s easy to fall into that thought trap. Focus on improving your own experience and you never know, you might become a huge sex fan!

[Read: How to relax during sex – Ways to free your mind and actually find sex pleasurable]

Do you think that sex is overrated? Did this feature change your mind, one way or another?

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Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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