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Polyamorous Dating: Everything You Need to Know First

Polyamorous dating isn’t something that’s 100% accepted in today’s society. But if you’re thinking about it, here’s what you should know first.


Polyamory has actually been around for many, many years. In fact, there are some cultures where polyamory is the norm and monogamy is almost unheard of. They would scoff at the idea of being with only one person for the rest of their lives.

Although it’s not widely accepted in most societies yet, polyamory is on the rise in recent years. With more people coming to terms with what polyamory is, they are realizing that polyamory may be exactly what they need in their lives.

What is a polyamorous relationship?

For those of you who have been lost thus far, unaware of what exactly polyamory is, I’ll break it down for you really quickly. The technical definition of polyamory is “the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.”

So if you’re in a polyamorous relationship, you are in a relationship with more than one person at the same time, and all parties are aware of the situation at hand. Sorry folks, you can’t walk around cheating on your unsuspecting lover and use a “polyamorous relationship” as an explanation. It’s a belief, not an excuse.

If you’re serious about getting into a polyamorous relationship or just want to know a little more about it, here’s the rundown on everything you’ll need to know.

#1 Being polyamorous doesn’t make you a slut. In no way, shape, or form does being polyamorous make you a slut. There is a popular misconception that people who believe in a polyamorous system just want to be able to sleep around.

First of all, they don’t sleep around. They are in committed relationships. The only difference is that they have more than one person to whom they’re committed. [Read: Everything you need to know about an open relationship]

#2 People in polyamorous relationships don’t love each other any less. Just because they allow their partner to also be in a relationship with someone else doesn’t mean they don’t love them just as much as you love your significant other in a monogamous relationship.

They love them just the same. In fact, it could even be argued that they have more love to give because it overreaches the bounds of a monogamous relationship.

#3 Polyamorous people still get jealous. A lot of people think that because someone can date more than one person and vice versa, jealousy isn’t an issue. However, polyamorous couples still deal with jealousy within their relationship.

They have concerns about getting enough attention, who is pleasing their partner more, and all of the common issues that monogamous couples face as well. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship]

#4 Cheating can still happen in a polyamorous relationship. Just because they’re in a relationship with more than one person doesn’t mean that they’re free to hook up with whomever happens to walk by.

There’s a lot of communication that must exist between people in a polyamorous relationship. All parties have to be aware of a new person’s invitation into the mix, and they’re still hurt when someone cheats. [Read: How to confess to cheating on your partner]

#5 Boundaries still exist within the relationship. If anything, the boundaries in a polyamorous relationship are much stricter than in a monogamous relationship because they have to have such clear communication and set rules for everyone involved.

People often mistake polyamorous relationships as being “loosey goosey” and just something that people use as an excuse to get laid a lot. But with the boundaries that are in place, it’s actually not much different than a monogamous relationship in terms of boundaries. [Read: 15 open relationship rules for a better love life]

#6 Monogamy is not better… scientifically. People are all for preaching about how monogamy is better and everyone should adhere to its set of rules. However, it has been scientifically proven that people in polyamorous relationships are just as happy as those in monogamous relationships.

If you want to be monogamous and you believe in that, so be it. But if you want to be polyamorous, you can be just as happy as the larger majority of people. [Read: Monogamous relationships and your mind]

#7 Gay men, out of any other orientation, are more likely to practice this. Statistically speaking, gay men are more likely to lead this kind of lifestyle than all the other orientations. While there are plenty of straight people who practice polygamy, it’s been shown that gay men tend to be the leaders of this way of life.

#8 People don’t become polyamorous because they’re unhappy. Many people think that people who are polyamorous have become this way because they were unhappy with their monogamous relationship and thus sought out something more.

While they may be seeking out something more, it has nothing to do with their being unhappy with their monogamous relationship. Many people just believe in the lifestyle and feel that they’ll get something else out of having another partner. They feel as though they’re adding more happiness to their current fortunes. [Read: 7 steps to ask your partner for an open relationship]

#9 Polyamorous people are not commitment-phobes. It’s actually quite the opposite. When a polyamorous person enters into a relationship, they are actually extremely committed to their partners.

#10 Polyamory does not set a bad example for kids. Another common misconception is that people who raise kids within a polyamorous home are setting a bad example for their children. However, it might be the complete opposite.

Research has shown that kids raised in a polyamorous household do just as well, if not better, than the average student. They also tend to have a more positive outlook on life. This is believed to be due to the children seeing their parents love more than just one person in equal proportions. [Read: More about what polyamory is and why people are switching to it]

Polyamory isn’t for everyone, and no one expects you to drop everything and change the way you live your life. But if you were curious about the ongoings of those in a polyamorous relationship, this inside knowledge may help.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...