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How to Tell If Someone is Gay: 10 Subtle Clues that Make It Likely

You can’t just ask someone, who hasn’t offered, whether they are gay or not. Although only clues, here are 10 ways for how to tell if someone is gay.

how to tell if someone is gay

There was a thing in my day called “gaydar.” It was a special ability that some people had for how to tell if someone is gay. But, I was not blessed with gaydar. When it comes to homosexuality, I have no idea who anyone bats for, or maybe I don’t really give it much thought, unless I was into someone and trying to figure out if I had a chance.

how to tell if someone is gay – 10 subtle hints to clue you in

There have been many instances in my life where someone suggested that my close friends were hitting on me, but I refused to see it. Since my brain isn’t wired that way, the thought never really dawned on me.

There are many things that I recognize set straight people apart from gay. It isn’t just about their mannerisms or the way they talk. It is the company they keep and the little clues they give if you’re open to hearing them. Also, the things they don’t say are key to figuring out how to tell if someone is gay.

#1 They never talk about attraction to the opposite sex. If you are with someone and they never talk about anyone from the opposite sex in an attraction manner, that either means they are super private or hiding something.

If every time the subject comes around to someone being “hot” and everyone else joins in while they stay silent, that might mean that they hide a secret about their sexual feelings. [Read: Should you worry about justifying your life choices?]

#2 They make comments about same-sex people’s sexual attributes. In reverse, if the person seems to be obsessed with body parts of same-sex people to the point where it makes you uncomfortable, they keep their sexuality hidden.

It isn’t that unusual to notice when someone is totally hot, equally for men and women of the same gender. But, if they seem preoccupied with the assets of their own gender that seems more like a longing, that may be a clue when it comes to figuring how to tell if someone is gay. [Read: The perks and un-perks of coming out of the closet]

#3 They are very quiet about their social life. Not everyone is ready to come out of the closet. Sometimes, people hide their sexuality due to family, social, or even work issues. If they never mention a significant other or even talk about any people in their life, it might make you question if they don’t want you to know on purpose.

Keeping your home life to yourself is sometimes a sign they have someone of the same gender at home waiting.

#4 When they talk about someone significant in their life, but it sounds like they are more than just friends, that might be a clue. We have all met that woman or man who has a “roommate” or significant best friend, but they talk about them as if they are more than just friends?

If you can’t make heads or tails of what someone’s relationship is with their roommate or their bestie, there might be a reason to suspect they are a couple. Asking is kind of like asking a woman if they are pregnant, you run the risk of highly insulting them or potentially making them mad. [Read: All the signs you can’t ignore if you’re gay]

#5 They stare at people of the same sex in the same way you do the opposite sex. If you catch them with their tongue almost hanging out at people of the same gender when they don’t know you’re looking, that might mean they have a hidden attraction to the same sex.

There are always occasions when someone is just so hot; both sexes can’t help but turn to look. But, if it happens a lot, it tells you a lot about who they really like.

#6 They ask you questions about your sexuality and whether you are into experimentation. If you feel as if they might be hitting on you by the innuendos and comments, and they are of the same sex, don’t discount it.

Just like people of the opposite gender don’t want to be rejected, they could try to figure out if you are into them without outing themselves. They stay close, become a good friend, and make subtle hints to see your interest.

Don’t ignore that little voice inside of you that says they want something more than just friendship. That inner voice, unfortunately, is almost always right. [Read: Lesbian stereotypes – 15 common cliches we hear about all the time]

#7 When they touch or rub up against you, it feels different and sort of intentional. If someone of the same sex continually rubs up against you in a creepy way, almost as if they try, the odds are they are. The chances that it happens once are high, if it happens ten times, that isn’t by chance. They’re probably trying to cop a feel.

#8 You are both attractive and have been friends, but they haven’t ever made a move and give you the impression you shouldn’t either. I am not going to tell you what you already know, if you have a hot friend of the opposite sex and they haven’t ever tried to get with you, there is a good possibility they are gay.

People of the opposite sex can’t be friends without considering a relationship. It just doesn’t happen, period.

#9 They flirt with you but put it under the guise that they were “just kidding.” If they say complimentary things to the point where it is almost flirtatious, and when they recognize that you discovered they were flirting and might not be interested, they follow it up with a “just kidding.” Don’t kid yourself, they probably hide the desire to get with you and laugh it off to mask the rejection. [Read: How to tell if two girls are more than friends]

#10 They just appear to be too much like the opposite gender than they are their own. If you have a male friend who just seems to be way too feminine that it isn’t normal or a girl who wears her hair way too short and talks like a sailor, they might indicate what goes on underneath the exterior.

Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover. No wait, I almost always can. If not the cover, you can definitely get the gist by opening just the first page. [Read: 20 almost certain signs to tell if your boyfriend is gay]

If you wonder how to tell if someone is gay, either you want get with someone who isn’t into you or you feel as if someone of the same gender is way too into you. It isn’t any one of these signs that tell you that someone is gay. Put together, they paint a pretty good roadmap to the answers you look for.

[Read: 13 subtle signs to hone your gaydar in no time]

Now that you’ve figured how to tell if someone is gay, how do they make you feel? if they make you uncomfortable, send a clear message that you are straight and uninterested. If they back off, that might just be your answer.

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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