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How to Start Over in a Relationship & Rediscover the Love You Lost

When your relationship hits rock bottom, a breakup isn’t always the answer. You can learn how to start over in a relationship and mend your relationship.

how to start over in a relationship

Sometimes a relationship just needs a fresh start. It needs some space to breathe and relax. You love and care about your partner, so ending it isn’t something you really want. But you can’t continue things the way they are. Before making any drastic moves, here’s how to start over in a relationship and see how things change.

Don’t be so quick to throw in the towel. Give your relationship a revamp and put some life back into it first. You should also know that everyone deals with rough patches in a relationship, but that isn’t an excuse to call it quits immediately.

You can always choose to start over while also saving your relationship in the process. It’s a win-win, right? For all you know, this could be exactly what you needed to mend your relationship.

Why do you need to learn how to start over in a relationship?

When things get rough in a relationship, we start thinking if it’s time to call it quits. We lose all hope of mending the problem, and this is where starting over comes into significance. Instead of throwing all those precious memories and years together, learning how to start over in a relationship can undoubtedly benefit what you have.

Maybe you’ve been fighting and been against each other’s throats constantly, or you feel like the course of your relationship will never change. We know it’s difficult to find hope for your relationship when this is the case, but rather than giving up on the person you care deeply about, you can choose to start over.

Of course, this isn’t a decision you only have to make, but you and your partner should come to a mutual agreement for this to work. This isn’t going to be easy, but it just might turn your relationship around.

How to start over in a relationship

This year has been unusually stressful and unpredictable. And it’s brought up many unanswered questions and forced you to sit down and think about your life, relationship, and future. Of course, answering these questions has brought on stress on top of everything else going on right now.

It’s actually not a bad thing. Now you’re focusing on your life. If you’re going through a hard time with your partner, the thought of ending things may have passed through your mind. But you don’t need to call it quits. Sometimes, you just need a fresh start. Together.

1. Sit down and talk

Okay, you feel the relationship needs to start over, but how does your partner feel? For all you know, they may think everything is going perfectly well. It’s not an easy conversation to have, but it’s an important one. If you’re going to start over in your relationship, you both need to be on the same page.

Talk about how you feel and what needs are missing. You’ve probably heard this thousands of times before, but communication is vital for a relationship to work. It might be easier to avoid talking about any existing issues you might have, but this will eventually cause your relationship to fall apart.

It’s crucial that you both sit down and talk and really listen to what the other is saying. [Read: The 10 steps to take when you need to tell your partner you’re unhappy] 

2. What are the needs of your partner

This isn’t just about you. Yes, you want to feel better in your relationship, but what about your partner? After talking about what you both need to do to make the relationship work, it’s time for you to work on the things that matter to your partner. In the meantime, they’ll be working on the things that matter to you.

Both of you need to compromise to be able to provide what both of you need. Relationships are a matter of give-and-take, and you can’t fix your relationship without sacrificing something to provide your partner’s needs – and the same goes for them. [Read: 15 rules to follow to be a good partner]

3. Commit to letting go of the past

If you want to start over in a relationship, commit to letting go of the past. You’ve spoken to your partner about how you feel, how your partner feels, and the needs that are missing, so now it’s time to work on fulfilling those needs and working together.

In learning how to start over in a relationship, stop holding on to the past and especially using the past against your partner. Your relationship won’t have a clean slate if you keep bringing up what’s done.

If it’s still bothering you, this all goes back to the first point, which is communicating your feelings. Once you’ve talked about it, move on and never look back on the issue.

4. Give each other space

This doesn’t mean taking a break. What we mean is to give some space between you. You don’t need to see each other all day, every day. By giving each other space, you can spend some time focusing on self-care and decompressing your feelings.

By doing this, you’ll give yourself more clarity and space for a fresh start. It’s easy to take space personally because admit it, you want to be with your partner constantly. But space can both of you time to process your feelings and miss one another.

Distance does make the heart grow fonder, you know? It could also give you both a different perspective so you could see your relationship in a new light. [Read: How to give each other space without drifting away from each other]

5. Get kissing

Affection is a huge part of relationships and something you shouldn’t ignore. If you want to re-start the relationship, show affection and love towards your partner and vice versa. Kissing your partner for longer than six seconds releases the hormone oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone.

This helps to create a bond between someone and stimulate sexual desire. It’ll be easy for you to learn how to start over if you regularly show affection for your partner. It rekindles the spark and passion that was once burning and helps you both remember why you fell for one another.

Not to be confused with lust, physical intimacy with your partner will give you both a chance to express what you can’t say with words.

6. Plan the year ahead

This may seem silly as today, things are changing daily. But that shouldn’t stop you from focusing on the future. Everyone needs something to look forward to. So, sit down with your partner and create a plan. Think of trips you want to take or hobbies you want to try together.

Doing this can help create excitement in the relationship. If your relationship has become dull and bland, all the more reason why you should plan your year ahead.

Book a plane trip, plan a weekend getaway, take a class together. It’s a perfect way to get a bit of variety in your relationship to start fresh. [Read: 15 more real relationship goals most couples have no idea about] 

7. See a couple’s counselor

You don’t need to wait until the relationship is on its last leg to see a counselor. If you feel the relationship is stuck, go to couple’s counseling. Your counselor will be able to help you work through issues and provide you with tools to improve your relationship.

Many of us aren’t equipped to handle relationship issues, and counseling helps. If you’re serious about learning how to start over, set your pride aside and seek a professional. They know what they’re doing, which can significantly help your relationship.

8. Compliment your partner

It’s easy to criticize your partner, but that doesn’t harbor positive feelings. Instead, switch up the mindset and focus on complimenting your partner’s positive qualities. Through positive reinforcement, your partner will change how they do things because they feel good about it.

Our minds were trained to focus on negatives rather than positives. But try your best to focus on everything your partner did right. Maybe they washed the dishes today, they showed affection, or they helped you run errands. Saying thank you is such a simple gesture but can incorporate a lot of love and gratitude in your relationship.

9. Become self-aware of harmful habits

Listen, there are things you do that can harm your relationship. Everyone has learned habits that can do more damage than good. Perhaps you become aggressive during fights or ignore your partner when you’re upset. You need to be aware of your actions and work on changing them.

It will take a lot of effort and work for you to unlearn your sabotaging habits but if you care about your relationship, you’ll try your best. If you’re having difficulty, you can open this up to your partner, and they can help you unlearn these habits. [Read: 16 silly bad habits that can really hurt your relationship]

10. Keep your own goals and dreams in mind

You’re in a relationship, but it doesn’t mean you have to give up your own dreams and goals. You are your own person. You need to think and plan your own life goals and dreams. This is something for your happiness, which will reflect on the relationship.

Don’t ever give up your sense of individuality and independence in a relationship because that’s precisely one of the things that will sabotage your relationship.

You had a life before you met them, and you owe it to yourself to remember who you are despite them coming into your life. If you’re serious about learning how to start over, this is important to remember. [Read: 10 signs your partner is truly supportive of your goals]

11. Talk about sex

We know it’s an awkward conversation to have with your partner, but it’s one you must have. If you feel the relationship is in a rut, the sex is probably a little flat or has become routine. Talk to your partner and communicate your sexual needs, and vice versa.

Explore each other’s sexual needs and develop a plan to spice up the bedroom. If you feel like there’s a lack of chemistry or variety in the bedroom, speak your mind. Most probably, your partner would be willing to switch things up and try something different. They might even surprise you!

[Read: The most important things that hold a relationship together]

So, how to start over in a relationship?

You don’t have to immediately call it quits just because your relationship is on the rocks. You’d be surprised how you can just choose to start over and change some things in your relationship. Through proper communication and simple changes, you can save your love.

Many couples go through rough times, but that doesn’t mean you need to call it quits. Before you actually do something you might regret, you should first learn how to start over in a relationship. 

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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