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How to Love Unconditionally: Stop Screwing Up & Start Loving Instead

We expect a lot from our significant other, family, and friends in the name of love. But at the end of the day, we don’t know how to love unconditionally.

how to love unconditionally

How many of us have actually heard the phrase “unconditional love” lately? Better yet, how many of us honestly know how to love unconditionally? Not many of us, and it’s sad that the world has forgotten about it.

Unconditional love is what fuels the idea of love. Most of us are searching for love, waiting for that moment to happen. But when we are given it, we screw up. It’s not that we wanted to screw up, but we simply just don’t know how to handle love.

Now with online dating apps like Tinder, we’re constantly provided with more options, comparing who will give us more attention, and when we don’t like it, we swipe left. This has made us paranoid, leaving us to test each other’s love. In the process we have lost the idea of unconditional love. [Read: Special ways that true love sets itself apart]

How to love unconditionally

Don’t let this discourage you. Of course, it’s one of the toughest processes to go through, but it’s the most rewarding. In order to love unconditionally, it’s going to take a lot of work, time, and patience. But, it’s completely doable.

Let’s forget about the pressure of social media, society, and our families. The only way to love unconditionally is through loving yourself. Yes, it sounds cheesy, but it’s cheesy because it’s true.

If you want to experience true, unconditional love, then follow these tips. It’s not easy to learn how to love unconditionally, but it’s worth it.

#1 You need to love yourself first. You’ve heard this time and time again, but listen, we’re saying it for a reason. You simply cannot give love to others when you don’t love yourself. If you hate yourself, how can you think that you can give pure and positive love to someone else?

It’s really simple: you can’t give what you don’t have. Though it’s simple, this is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. [Read: The reasons you need to love yourself first before you can fall in love with someone else]

#2 It’s not about words. We think that in order to show love, you need to tell people that you love them. It’s certainly one way of expressing love, but the best unconditional expression of love is through actions. Anyone can say ‘I love you’ but someone who is giving pure love will always show it. Big or small acts, it doesn’t matter. Just show it. [Read: These sweet gestures show your love without words]

#3 Always question yourself. You should be thinking to yourself, “Am I giving the most love that I can give to this person?” It can be hard to measure affection, and some people aren’t as affectionate as others. But if you’re giving the most love you can to a person, then you are giving unconditional love.

#4 It’s not a smooth ride. Here’s the thing, we think that once we start loving unconditionally, things become easy, a smooth ride. Now, once you become more accepting of yourself, you will notice feeling happier, lighter, and more at ease. But this doesn’t mean that it’s over.

You’re going to be constantly confronted with situations that will be unpleasant. But loving unconditionally through them is important.

#5 Form healthy boundaries. Listen, just because you love unconditionally doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take care of yourself. If you want to be able to love openly, set healthy boundaries with yourself first. Because if you’re not in a good place, you won’t be able to love honestly. 

#6 Honesty is key. If you want to know how to love unconditionally, be honest with yourself and the other person. If you truly love someone unconditionally, you’ll be communicative in an honest way. No, I didn’t say blunt honesty, rather gentle honesty.

#7 Not everyone deserves unconditional love. That’s right. I know it’s hard to read, but it’s true. If someone isn’t treating you right, disrespecting you, and making you feel bad, they’re not in love with themselves. Now, if they don’t love themselves, then how are they going to love you? [Read: These toxic traits in people can drain you]

#8 Understand how people accept love. Though you may love being hugged and kissed, not everyone enjoys that. People love differently. It’s not this one-size-fits-all idea that we all assume love is. Instead, love comes in different forms, but it’s your responsibility to adapt your love to others. 

#9 It’s about forgiveness. This is possibly one of the hardest things to do. Who wants to forgive someone for wrongdoing? Most of us like to bask in the feeling of anger, using it to fuel us in a negative way. Well, though you can do that, it’s not going to bring you to unconditional love. Instead, it’s going to age you.

#10 Accept them for who they are. If you want to give someone unconditional love, you’re going to have to accept yourself for who they are. You can’t truly love someone if you’re just thinking of ways to change them or how they can improve themselves. You need to accept their flaws because most of the time, these things won’t change. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]

#11 Be communicative. It’s essential that you focus on communicating with the people you love. But this isn’t about telling someone ‘I love you.’ When I’m talking about communication, I’m talking about everything. See how they’re feeling, what they’re needing, etc. Perhaps they need more affection or they’re feeling emotionally blocked, this is where you come in. Talk about those things and create an unconditional bond.

#12 You’ll need to practice daily. If you want to succeed in giving and receiving unconditional love, then you’re going to need to work for it. This isn’t something that you can learn in a day, it’s going to take time. So, every day, you should do at least one act without wanting anything in return. That could mean helping someone move, paying for a stranger’s coffee, anything.

#13 Practice self-love. Yes, you’re practicing unconditional love daily, but what about yourself? You need to spend time developing self-love for yourself. Remember when I said that you can’t give unconditional love unless you love yourself? Well, this is when theory needs to be put into practice. Every single day, spend a moment loving yourself.

#14 Care less. You may not know what I mean exactly. Well, sure, love is about caring for someone, but you shouldn’t care only when something is in your self-interest. Unconditional love isn’t about doing things to serve you. [Read: The art of being a better listener in your relationship]

#15 Make love a choice. If you want to love unconditionally, you must make love a choice. Actively decide that you’re going to work on yourself and the relationship in order to create unconditional love. If not, you won’t have the drive and patience to keep going.

[Read: What is real love? 15 ways true love sets itself apart]

See, you can learn how to love unconditionally. It’s about truly appreciating and loving someone without any self-interest.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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