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How to Get Someone to Open Up to You So You Can Really Connect

It’s not easy getting someone to share deep details of their life with you. For that reason, you’ll need to know how to get someone to open up to you.

how to get someone to open up to you

One of the hardest things about making new friends is figuring out how to get someone to open up to you. Everyone is unique and that means they take different amounts of time for them to show you who they really are.

But in order to actually make friends and build a deep connection with people, you need to get them to open up. You have to really connect with them so you have a solid foundation for friendship. Otherwise, everything will only be surface deep and you’ll struggle to maintain that friendship.

Not everyone wants to share intimate details of their life with you

There are people who are just very private in general. They don’t like talking about themselves and they really don’t open up to people easily. Those people have a harder time making friends and that’s okay. But you can’t force these people to tell you everything about themselves.

You need to be patient. If you’re not someone who can deal with being friends with a person like this, then don’t be. Just understand that even though you want them to open up to you, they still might not. [Read: How to be more empathetic and forge emotional connections]

How to get someone to open up to you

It’s not always easy and other times it’ll happen without even trying. However, if there’s someone in particular you really want to connect with on a deeper level, learning how to get someone to open up to you will help immensely.

#1 Don’t force it. The more you try to force someone to open up to you, the harder they’re going to shut down. You can’t make them tell you things about their life. You can’t pry. Doing that will only make them annoyed and turned off by you and you’ll never become good friends. [Read: 8 signs you’re coming on way too strong]

#2 Open up yourself. You can’t expect someone to share deep things about their life without first talking about yours. It’s not a one-way street. If you really want someone to be a great friend and learning how to get someone to open up to you is important, you’ll remember that.

#3 Talk about meaningful things. Talking about the weather will not get someone to open up. If anything, it’ll keep your friendship at a very surface level. You won’t learn anything new. Instead, you need to focus on topics that are meaningful.

Try to talk about bad things happening in the world and how you would change them if you could. This allows the other person to speak up and tell you how they feel about those complex situations, which shows you their true nature. [Read: 43 intellectual questions to spark a conversation with anyone]

#4 Focus on things you agree on. You’ll always have differences with people. There are no two people in the entire world who agree on every single thing 100%. But if you want someone to open up to you, you’ll have to focus on the agreements. It’ll help build trust and show them how much you two have in common.

#5 Be genuine. If you’re being fake and dishonest with someone about yourself, they’ll be able to tell. People are way more in tune with other people than you may realize. So be real and genuine and you’ll see that other person open up in no time. [Read: How to be charming and liked by everyone]

#6 Do it in a safe place. Asking someone about their life story while they’re surrounded by strangers is definitely NOT how to get someone to open up to you. In fact, it’ll cause them to shut way down.

Talk to them in a secure, safe place. Make them feel comfortable. Only then will they be able to open up and tell you how they truly feel about something.

#7 Be a friend. Act like a friend and truly be their friend. You don’t need to know everything about them in order to be their friend. If they realize how committed you are to them as a friend, they’ll feel better about opening up to you. [Read: How to be a good friend to anyone]

#8 Be empathetic. Empathy is a very powerful human trait. If you show people how empathetic you are, they won’t worry about being judged. Therefore, they’ll feel more comfortable about opening up to you. Show them that, no matter your opinion, you can relate to other people.

#9 Realize that they may have hidden wounds. Being completely closed off is not something humans do naturally. By nature, we like to bond with others. We’re wired to form tight-knit groups.

So if you sense someone is trying to remain closed off and they won’t open up to you, there may be something in their past that’s preventing this. They probably have hidden wounds that need nurturing. Be extra careful with people like this. [Read: The hardships of being afraid of intimacy]

#10 Be patient. People don’t open up to you right away. It takes time to build the trust and friendship that is required for someone to feel like they can be vulnerable with you. Be patient. Take your time. Don’t rush because if you do, you’ll pry and you’ll push that person away.

#11 Build trust. You can’t expect someone to tell you all their secrets if they don’t trust you. Why would they? Would you? Probably not. Therefore, you need to show them they can trust you. This will take time and it’ll probably be a while before this trust is established. [Read: How to build trust and make it last]

#12 Be a great listener. One of the most annoying things is when someone is trying to tell you about something meaningful to them and you’re only half listening. It’s rude. It’s an insult to them, basically. So if they’re talking, you need to be listening fully. Doing this will also help you understand someone better, which a great way to learn how to get someone to open up to you.

#13 Learn to take a hint. If someone is really not budging on the whole opening up thing, you need to take a hint. People are pretty clear about not wanting to share information and if you feel like someone gets mad or annoyed or just doesn’t pay attention when you talk, that’s a hint to just stop. [Read: 10 obvious signs they want more space]

#14 Realize that it’s not your job. Some people just can’t open up. There’s something in their past that is preventing them from sharing information with anyone and it’s not your job to dig it out. Just show them that, if they want to share, you’ll be there for them.

#15 Don’t give up. If you can tell someone is hurting but really wants to open up to you, don’t give up. Keep giving them opportunities to share about themselves but don’t make them. All you have to do is be there and show them you won’t judge them for anything. In time, after you’ve built up trust, they’ll open up to you.

[Read: 19 ways to genuinely connect with other people]

In order to make friends, you need to learn how to get someone to open up to you. Building that strong base to build off of is essential if you want to maintain that friendship for a long time.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...