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25 Ways to Emotionally Connect with Someone & Instantly Feel Closer

Not everyone is naturally warm and fuzzy. And if that sounds like you, then you need to know how to emotionally connect with someone. Here’s how to do it.

how to emotionally connect with someone

You know that feeling when you stand in a crowded room, but you feel alone? Okay, this could be for various reasons, but there’s a high chance that you’re not emotionally connected to anyone in that room. Knowing how to emotionally connect with someone isn’t as easy as it looks, but these are the components to make it happen.

What is emotional connection?

An emotional connection is a feeling of intimacy and closeness that two people share. It goes beyond physical attraction and having fun together. Instead, it feels like you are connected on a soul level and feel secure with each other.

Just as children need to feel a connection to their parents, adults also need an attachment to other adults. We need to know that someone will be consistently available for us in our times of need. [Read: 18 honest reasons why you don’t have friends that truly care about you]

Emotional connection gives us a sense of security in the relationship. When we don’t feel safe, the bond we can have with that person tends to be very superficial. We need deeper bonds to have a sense of belonging and well-being.

All of our close relationships are based on emotional connection. It’s what makes or breaks a relationship. You have those friends you party with and the friends you sit and talk with about your problems.

The difference between those two types of friends is the level of emotional intimacy. [Read: The signs of an emotional connection and secrets to make it way stronger]

How to emotionally connect with someone

Now, we’re not saying you can’t have an emotional connection with people that you only drink with, you can, but you must take the next step from Friday night drinking buddies to Sunday morning fishing friends. Do you see what we mean?

Remember that saying, “It’s not who you spend Friday night with, it’s who you want to spend all Saturday with.” Now, we know this quote is from Friends with Benefits, but it’s applicable to non-sexual relationships as well. 

So, if you want someone as a real friend, you have to know how to emotionally connect with them. It’s not as easy as it looks. [Read: Emotional connection – 15 signs to feel more connected]

1. This is fear-based

You’re scared. You’re scared to open up to this person. Why? Maybe you’ve been backstabbed by someone else or made fun of. Though you passed through it, those traumatic situations stick to you. Trauma sticks to everyone.

Sure, you look fine and act like yourself, but you can’t take that next step into emotional intimacy. In short, fear prevents you from developing a connection with someone. [Read: Pistanthrophobia and why you have the fear of trusting people]

2. Speak from your heart

It’s easy to have a conversation with someone. You can talk about the weather, puppies, beer. It’s not hard to strike up small talk. What is challenging is speaking honestly from your heart. Now, that’s a completely different story.

It’s easy for us to agree with someone or tell them that those pants don’t make them look fat, but telling someone they’re wrong or that those pants need to come off isn’t easy. But this is what builds trust.

3. Connect with the mind

We don’t know who you want to emotionally connect to. Maybe it’s a friend or a love interest. What we do know is if you’re scared to connect with them emotionally, trying something sexual/physical first isn’t going to cut it.

If you do couple’s yoga, that’s different. If you want to f*ck your way to emotional connection, you’re taking a shortcut. Connect through conversation, that’s what really works. [Read: 30 very deep questions to ask your friend and strengthen your bond overnight]

4. Acknowledge yourself pulling back when it happens

You’re going to pull back when you feel you’re losing control and becoming emotionally vulnerable, because you’re scared. This is completely normal.

Many people do this on a daily basis. But, you need to acknowledge what is happening and push through. It’s going to be hard, and you’re going to want to run away, but you can’t.

5. Go beyond the superficial

To emotionally connect with someone means you talk about more than your favorite TV shows. You’re going to have to dig deep. If this person goes beyond and tells you something about themselves that many people do not know, that’s going deep.

Maybe they talk about their relationship with their parents or that they’re nervous about their future. These are real and deep problems and thoughts someone experiences.

These thoughts aren’t shared with just anyone, see what we mean? You’re going to have to step out of your comfort zone and communicate with them instead of nodding along and staying silent. [Read: How to open up to people and learn to be vulnerable]

6. To connect is to listen

You need to listen. This seems to be a major issue with people today. They’re constantly distracted by their phones, what’s happening on Facebook or Twitter. It doesn’t matter! This person is talking to you, and you want to have an emotional connection.

Leave your phone alone. You have to be an active listener. Listen! People know when you’re not listening, you can literally see it in their eyes – whether it’s glazed over or open wide. [Read: Conversational narcissist – Do you love talking and hate listening?]

7. Empathy is key

You know the old saying, “Don’t judge someone unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” Yes, well, that’s called empathy.

Okay, you won’t actually walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, but you have to try to put yourself in their position. That way, when you discuss something on a deeper level, you will be able to understand their point of view. [Read: How to be more empathetic and 16 steps to make anyone feel heard]

8. Allow vulnerability

The only way you can emotionally connect with someone is if you let your guard down. Sure, it’s scary, and you’ve probably been hurt before. If you want a meaningful relationship, you need to take a risk. 

That’s not to say that you won’t be hurt again, you may be, but through this risk, you may gain something deep and profound. You have to risk it, man.

9. Don’t just agree

The worst thing to do is just nod your head and say, “Oh yeah, cool.” If they wanted to hear that, they could just talk to themselves. 

Actually, come up with something constructive to say back, and if you don’t know what to say back, then tell them. If you just agree with them for the sake of it, you won’t build a connection. [Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

10. It’s not what they say, it’s how they say it

They may tell you one thing, but their body tells you something different. If they say they’re not stressed, but their hands quiver, well, they’re not telling you the truth. Which is fine, they don’t have to tell you the truth especially if you two are not close friends.

But, through body language, you see how they really feel and use that to build a conversation that provides an emotional connection with them.

11. You can crack a joke

An emotional connection doesn’t necessarily mean you must be completely serious in a quiet room with a Kleenex box in your hand. Make jokes here and there. 

Of course, don’t go to the point where that’s literally all you do. Some people like to make jokes when they feel uncomfortable and if you’re one of those people, be aware of the number of jokes you make. [Read: How to make someone laugh when they’re down and lighten their burden]

12. Ask questions

If you want to know how to emotionally connect with someone, you don’t have to just sit there saying, “I understand,” or “Oh, that must be hard for you.” No! Get involved! Ask them questions such as, “How did that make you feel?” or “Who?” “What?” “When?“ “Where?” “How?” 

They’re simple questions, but they’re open-ended. This means you’re not restricting them to a yes or no question. You allow them to talk more and to go into detail.

13. It’s a give and take

They cannot be the only ones being vulnerable and telling you their personal thoughts and feelings. We said it’s important to be an active listener and to ask questions, but if you’re only doing that, this is a one-sided relationship. 

So, make sure you share something personal as well. Because right now, they only benefit from this relationship. [Read: How to be a good friend – The friend code everyone must know]

14. Talk about your fears

Fear is in all of us. We’re all scared of something. If you want to emotionally connect with someone, why not talk to them about your fear of emotional intimacy?

It really does knock two birds with one stone. You talk about your fear of intimacy, so you’re having a deep conversation while fighting your fear.

15. Identify your feelings

One of the reasons people have a hard time emotionally connecting with people is because they are not in touch with their own feelings.

So, you need to self-reflect and identify what you feel and why you feel it. Once you do that, then you need to share them with the other person. Emotional connections are deeply tied to sharing feelings with each other. [Read: 25 self-discovery questions that bring you closer to learning who you are]

16. Spend quality time together

It’s difficult to be emotionally connected to someone that you don’t spend a lot of time with. So, not only do you need to spend time together, it needs to be quality time.

Simply sitting in the same room and not talking with each other is not “quality” time. You need to talk and interact with one another.

17. Have deep conversations

When you talk about surface topics like the weather, sports, or the news, it does not allow you to connect very deeply.

The reason for this is that you don’t go very deep. So, try to have in-depth conversations about interesting topics. Even better – try to get personal when you talk.

18. If in a romantic relationship, be physically intimate

When you’re trying to emotionally connect with a romantic partner, you can’t forget the importance of physical and sexual intimacy.

You need to be affectionate by holding hands, cuddling, and giving hugs. Sex is also a great way to emotionally connect too, so you don’t ignore that part of your relationship either. [Read: 18 signs a man is emotionally connected to you and ready to get closer]

19. Compliment them

Everyone likes to hear compliments. When you say nice things about another person, they appreciate it and feel good about themselves. Then, they see you as someone who is kind and considerate. This will help foster an emotional connection with them. [Read: 30 special compliments for guys to make them blush and make their day]

20. Ask them how they are doing

In order to be close to someone, you have to know who they are. That is not limited to who they are as a person, but also how they are feeling on any given day.

Ask them how their day is and what is going on in their lives. That way they will know that you care about them and are curious about what is going on with them.

21. Take personal responsibility

If you’re the kind of person who is self-focused, then you might not be good at taking personal responsibility for your actions.

But in order to be really connected to someone, they need to know that you take responsibility for your behaviors and you don’t always blame them. 

What does it feel like to be emotionally connected?

If you don’t know how to emotionally connect with someone, then you don’t know how it feels to have someone close to you. So, here are some things you will experience when you have that deep bond. [Read: Emotional attraction – 22 signs you have it and why it’s essential]

1. You care about each other’s needs and desires

When you are emotionally connected to someone, you aren’t selfish.

You genuinely care about the other person’s needs, desires, and fears. Because of that, you want to help them and be there for them as much as you possibly can.

2. You share openly

When you have that connection, you don’t hold anything back. If something good happens to you, then you tell them. And when something bad happens, you tell them that too.

You share your emotions, thoughts, and dreams with them. There’s nothing you can’t tell them. [Read: 40 deep questions to ask your boyfriend and answers you must know]

3. You know each other deeply

After you have established an emotional connection, you know almost everything about that person.

You know their personality, their quirks, their fears, their ambitions, and their past, just to name a few. And, you know them probably better than most people in the world.

4. You feel understood

Having emotional intimacy with someone means that you feel like they understand you and know you very well. Even if they aren’t similar to you, they can still see your point of view and see why you have the feelings you do.

[Read: What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable? 19 signs and fixes that help]

Now that you know how to emotionally connect with someone, it’s time you stepped out of your comfort zone and let someone in. 

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...