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How to Be Likable Without a Lot of Effort or Changing Who You Are

Everyone wants to be liked by others, but it isn’t as easy as you’d think. If you want to learn how to be likable, there are a couple things to know.

how to be likeable

Before I start really talking about it, I need to say something. I know you want to be liked by others, but honestly, if you’re doing this only for popularity, is it really worth it? Now, if you’re used to people telling you that you’re awkward and making them feel uncomfortable, then sure, knowing how to be likable will really help you and your social life.

But what’s important is that you stay true to yourself. Don’t go changing yourself so that you can be liked by other people. Screw that. You are you, and that’s it.

How to be likable

Basically, my entire high school period was spent trying to be liked. I wanted to be liked by people. I wanted them to genuinely like me and want to hang out with me. Of course, my plan worked to some extent.

I wasn’t really a part of any social group, but I mostly floated between them, developing friendships during the lunch period. But it wasn’t easy and for most people, they don’t have the time nor the nerve to constantly float between social groups in hopes of making friends. I get it. [Read: What you need to do to open up and make real friends in life]

But you don’t need to spend your lunches running around. You can learn how to be likable without even really going out of your way. Not everyone is going to like you, but you only need a couple.

#1 Don’t be an attention seeker. Okay, I love being in the spotlight, so I’m not really one to speak, but I noticed I missed out on many conversations because I’m always trying to be the life of the party. So, I stepped back and found sharing the spotlight is actually better. Plus, people like you more because you’re sharing. [Read: How to stop being selfish and start thinking of others]

#2 Don’t judge. If you don’t think you’re likable, you’re not really in the position to be judging others. Okay, you’re never in the position to be judging others. Let’s get real, we all have judgmental moments. If you want people to like you, scrap the judgment and focus on seeing them for the person they are, not the mistake they’ve made. [Read: 13 ways to grow into a kinder and better human being]

#3 Focus on listening. You may think that likable people are the ones who are constantly the center of attention, but that’s not true. They’re only given attention because they demand it.

The people truly liked are the ones listening to others in a conversation. You’re not playing with your phone or waiting to give a reply. You’re genuinely listening to them.

#4 Be more open. This doesn’t mean you tell everyone your deepest, darkest secrets, but you can work on being genuine and open. If you come off as an asshole or fake, people will sniff that out of you in a second. It’s hard to come back from a failed first impression, so just be yourself. If you can give a smile, that’s even better.

#5 Do you have similar interests? If you want people to like you, they want to feel a connection with you. Maybe you like watching cartoons or playing frisbee. Whatever the activity, they may share a common interest. Just by a shared interest, you lower their guard and have something to bond over. [Read: 15 unfake ways to be adored for who you are]

#6 Stay away from your phone. There’s nothing worse than when you’re trying to have a conversation with someone and they’re glued to their phone. Focus on the person in front of you, not the people in your Whatsapp group. If you fully commit yourself to the conversation, they’ll quickly take notice.

#7 Match your words with your actions. When you’re talking to someone, make sure your non-verbal body language matches your words. If you’re telling someone you’re fine but your face looks like you’ve been crying for five hours, you’re clearly not fine.

This puts others in an uncomfortable position because they don’t know how to react. Match your body language to your words, and people will feel more trusting in you. [Read: Why don’t people like you? The 20 most commonly overlooked reasons]

#8 Don’t be a flake. If you suggest doing something with them, actually follow through on it. Listen, I’m a huge flake, I know that. I’m working on it but the minute I get myself into PJs, it’s hard for me to move. But I’m working on it. The thing is, people don’t like being flaked out on. You’ll lose more people then you’d like if you’re a flake.

#9 Say my name, say my name. If you want people to like you, call them by their name. I know, it’s such a simple thing to do, but it makes a huge difference in how people see you. By remembering their name, you show them that you value them as it’s a sign of respect and thoughtfulness. Everyone wants to be remembered.

#10 Know when to open up. I know you’re worried about opening up to someone that you may not know, I get it. And listen, you don’t have to open up to anyone. If you don’t have a good feeling about someone, keep your guard up. But if you’re feeling good around someone, you need to know when it’s the right time to open up to create a bond. [Read: 15 qualities of a good friend that sets them apart]

#11 Ask questions. If you want to get to know someone, ask them questions. No, don’t interview them like it’s a job! Ask them questions about themselves.

People love talking about themselves, so, if you get them talking about what they know best, they have no choice but to like you. That way, you come off as someone who loves listening, and you don’t need to make small talk. [Read: How to make small talk without feeling awkward]

#12 Know how to have fun. This is actually a pretty hard thing to do as your fun can be different from other people’s version of fun. If you want to be liked, know when to stop working and grab a drink instead. Yes, maintain a strong work ethic, but you won’t make friends always stuck in the office.

[Read: How to make new friends as an adult]

It’s safe to say that we all want to be liked by others, but not all of us have that je ne sais quoi, if you know what I mean. Follow these tips and you’ll learn how to be likable, effortlessly and in no time.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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