When you’re naturally charismatic, people are drawn to you. But, if you lack it naturally, you can learn how to be charismatic and charm everyone you meet.
Charisma is a powerful characteristic, especially when used in the right context. Renowned world leaders like Mahatma Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and Napoleon Bonaparte are just a few examples of charismatic individuals who were able to turn the tide of history. But, the good news is you can learn how to be charismatic too.
Having charisma is quite useful in terms of your career, especially if it’s in a PR context. It’s also a great trait to have if you’re a teacher or a social influencer, like a celebrity or news anchor.
But in a more personal context, how does charisma play into relationships? Is it as useful as it sounds, or is it just a characteristic reserved for extroverts?
Charisma is arguably one of the most important traits that you can possess. Without it, you won’t be able to forge successful business and personal relationships. [Read: How to make someone like you – 25 ways to draw anyone to you]
What is charisma?
Charisma is the art of having the power to inspire and influence others with your personality.
It is safe to say that the majority of the world’s leaders have charisma. From corrupt evil geniuses to real people trying to change the world. Most people in charge boast a level of charisma that has allowed them to successfully claw their way to the top and stay there.
By definition, charisma is a “compelling attractiveness or charm”, but that doesn’t really nail down the actual meaning too well. Perhaps we feel charisma from another person easier than we can actually put it into words. [Read: How to be assertive – 17 ways to speak your mind loud and clear]
A person with charisma is almost like a magnet. You want to know what they have to say and you want to be around them. The truth is, anyone can have it, as long as they know how to express themselves honestly, positively, and sincerely.
The best part is that charismatic people are very attractive. Looks hardly matters when the person standing in front of you is giving off an explosive positive vibe and energy.
And don’t forget that charismatic people are infectious. No matter what their mood or disposition is, you can expect to feel some sort of affinity with them. [Read: How to be witty – 25 ways to win people over instantly with your charm]
What makes a person charismatic
There has always been an air of vagueness surrounding the idea of charisma. Why do people have it? How do people get it?
The answers, thankfully, have been provided *albeit theoretically* by Dr. Ronald Riggio of Claremont McKenna College. Here’s what makes a person charismatic and how you can apply these principles to your own lives.
1. Emotional and social expressiveness
This means that they are able to communicate their feelings effectively and immediately. If you can honestly express yourself, your relationships will be better off for it. [Read: How to be more social – 22 ways to genuinely connect with others]
2. Emotional and social sensitivity
Aside from knowing when and how to express their feelings, they are also aware of how others feel. It’s not about having a knack for it, either. They just pay attention to know when to shut up, observe, and listen.
3. Emotional and social control
Being expressive and sensitive isn’t all they’re good at; they also know when it’s okay to express themselves and how to react accordingly. You can easily do this, as well, just by thinking before you act [Read: How to stop being boring and annoying around people]
How does learning how to be charismatic work for you?
Attracting someone can take a lot of work, but it can also be as easy as saying “hi.” It’s all about luck and how you present yourself. But if your charisma shines through, your chances of getting a date will be much higher. Why? Let’s find out.
1. Being charismatic makes you stand out
This doesn’t mean that you’re getting attention because you’re expressing yourself boisterously and loudly.
It means that no matter what you’re doing, your presence lights up the room, which makes prospective dates zero in on your energy.
2. Charismatic people are approachable
Most people don’t approach the person they like because they seem intimidating. Charismatic people get approached more often than those who look guarded. They are usually open to approaching other people, as well. [Read: Why don’t guys hit on me? 20 secrets to be way more approachable]
3. You’ll be more fun to be with
You’ll know how to make people feel good because you take the time to know what a person needs. Rather than focusing on yourself, you will urge people to join in on the fun or just keep them company when they’re feeling down.
4. You become self-aware
Since being charismatic entails drawing the attention of others, you become more aware of how people perceive you and how you should act.
This then becomes a cycle of drawing others’ attention and getting them to like being around you, which will draw in more positive energy and attention. [Read: Sense of self – 26 steps to raise it and feel like a million bucks]
5. You take a holistic approach to your relationships
With charisma, you can approach problems in a way that’s best for everyone involved, thanks to traits like social sensitivity and expressiveness. You can take into account everyone’s take on the matter, and you can express possible solutions that would benefit everyone.
How to be charismatic
Now, we get to the good part. There’s no easy, step-by-step procedure that you can use to gain charisma, but there are some easy ways in which you can bring out the charisma that’s already inside of you. [Read: How to be yourself – 26 steps to unfake your life and love being you]
1. Be a healthy optimist
Try to find the positive in everything you encounter. By looking at the bright side of things, you will eventually develop a healthy and happy disposition that will effectively shine through.
2. Don’t be shy
Say “hi” to a random person or get to know one standing right beside you. Who knows? That person may just be your next date. [Read: How to stop being shy – 21 ways to kick your shyness to the curb]
3. Express yourself honestly
Remember when we said charismatic people are expressive? Do just that. Tell people how you really feel, but don’t do it in a way that will make them uncomfortable.
4. Think before you speak
Charismatic people aren’t all about shock and awe. You don’t need to be overly outspoken or be the life of the party. Being intuitive and attentive can do more for you than being outspoken and opinionated.
5. Treat everyone equally
No matter who you’re dating, don’t judge them because you think they’re better or less than you. Change your way of thinking to see the good in everyone, and you’ll end up finding someone you can connect with on a deeper level. [Read: How to be nice – 21 ways to make everyone love being around you]
6. Look and feel good
No matter how charismatic you are, you still have to make an effort to keep yourself looking neat and clean.
Aside from that, you have to genuinely be able to appreciate yourself. Don’t fake your way to charisma. Be yourself, but make sure that you love who you are.
7. Love what you do
The one defining factor of a charismatic person is their confidence in who they are.
Find something you’re passionate about to complete the whole package, and everyone will see that indefinable spark that everyone keeps talking about. [Read: How to find your passion – 17 secrets to seek it in simple things]
8. Be a good listener
When you think about someone charismatic, it is easy to think about what they say that charms you. But, what you don’t see is that it isn’t really in what they say as much as it is that they listen to you.
Charismatic people know what you want to talk about. They know about the things that you care about. This is because of one small and most significant thing, they not only listen to what people say, but they remember it, take it to heart, and use it when they have a conversation with you. [Read: Stop being a conversational narcissist: Learn to be a better listener]
9. Give genuine compliments
They always make sure to have a compliment in their back pocket without always seeking the approval of others. In fact, they work to bring out the best in everyone around them by complimenting what makes us all unique.
It is a special quality to be able to give someone a compliment on a small level, but a continual one. It raises everyone in their path up an inch on a consistent basis, so everyone in their wake feels confident and good.
10. Use humor to gloss over unhumorous things
No one likes Captain Obvious or Debby Downer. If you want to know how to be charismatic, it is about knowing how to find humor in the most unhumorous times. [Read: 12 types of humor and how it affects relationships]
Instead of focusing on the serious, someone charismatic finds a way to take a grave situation and turn it into a challenging one by having everyone’s heart lifted by the one thing that heals anyone’s soul—humor.
But, be careful, they don’t find humor in singling people out and making them the butt of jokes. They find it in the day-to-day and make light of whatever hardship you carry without belittling you.
11. Be generous
Charismatics are generous people. They are the first to chip in both monetarily and physically. Rolling up their sleeves, believing that they aren’t too good to help out, and always giving of themselves make them beautiful to be around. [Read: How to be kind to yourself and others and love life instead of hating it]
12. Make everything possible
People who are charismatic don’t take no for an answer. However, not in an irritating and hassling way, they just show you all the possibilities that you might not see on your own.
They take a super arduous situation and make it seem easy as pie. The one who always rallies the troops, charismatic people lead because they convince everyone winning is not only possible but simpler than you think. [Read: The best tried and tested ways to become a better leader]
13. Find the thing that makes someone tick and bring it out
Being charismatic is about knowing how to treat everyone differently according to who they are and what they need.
Charismatic people don’t just schmooze indiscriminately, they find out what makes someone tick. Then they foster that talent and excitement in them to bring out the best and to make everyone be the best “them” they can be.
14. Involve everyone in the conversation
Charismatic people engage everyone in what they are doing. If they talk to a crowd, they don’t dominate the conversation, they ask for everyone’s opinion and care about what each individual thinks instead of steamrolling over them. [Read: How to be a good person and 32 ways to change yourself into a better human being]
15. Show your excitement
It doesn’t matter if a charismatic person talks about toilet bowls or yachts. Whatever it is they talk about, they get you excited.
Not used to monotone or idle chit-chat, charismatic people are enthusiastic and engaging even about the most mundane things.
16. Know your stuff
You have to be sure that you can demonstrate intelligence and quick thinking, no matter the situation. From answering questions during a sales conference to heading out on a blind date, charisma is key if you want the other party to buy into you. [Read: How to introduce yourself – The art of making the best first impressions]
17. Be passionate
The trick to oozing charisma is to be very expressive and passionate. From your tone of voice to your body language to your facial expressions, be sure that you inject passion into everything that you say and do.
The more convincingly expressive you are when telling your life story, giving a speech, presenting a sales pitch, or trying to talk your way out of a ticket, the more likely people will be swayed to join your team and want to help you succeed.
18. Be positive
It is no secret that everyone is in pursuit of happiness, and many believe that being around positive people will help them get there quicker.
Whether it’s done unconsciously or not, people will more likely gravitate towards you, if you exude positivity and optimism, as opposed to the angry and dull dude sitting next to you. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]
19. Be a great storyteller
Being charismatic has a lot to do with connecting with people on a multitude of levels. It also has to do with being able to connect with people from all walks of life.
Brush up on your storytelling abilities to be sure that people can vividly envision just what you’re saying.
By controlling the way you tell a story, you control their emotions. You want them to feel, live and breathe your words.
Whether you’re trying to convince a Japanese businessman to seal a million-dollar deal or getting the love of your life to marry you, trust me when we say that telling a story well will do you wonders in the long run, and is a surefire sign of a charismatic personality. [Read: The art of storytelling and secrets to learn to explain yourself way better]
20. Be outgoing
Another way to become more charismatic is to be more of an extrovert. By being outgoing, you draw people into your huge bubble, and they will be more inclined to pay attention to you.
Whether you know them or if they’re complete strangers, it doesn’t matter. Try to be the belle of the ball no matter where you are. [Read: 12 tips to add more people to your social circle]
21. Show confidence, not arrogance
You need to have confidence if you want to be charismatic. The two go hand in hand, and it is important that you realize this now.
Always remember that people will be more inclined to believe in your abilities if you’re confident about them. They will assume that you know just what you’re doing, are passionate about the issue, and know just how to tackle it. But, avoid being arrogant at all costs.
22. Excel in non-verbal communication
You also have to excel in nonverbal communication, if you want to be more charismatic. Body language is just as important as what comes out of your mouth.
From the way you dress to how genuine your smile is, people will judge you for everything and anything, so be sure to never give them a reason to doubt you.
Perfect the art of eye contact and know just when it is appropriate to initiate touching like a pat on the back, gentle slap on the wrist, and so on. Also, don’t forget to stand and sit straight and to always look presentable when it comes to your grooming.
23. Use humor to make people feel comfortable
Humor can make people feel calm and comfortable in many situations. Simply make sure that the humor you’re using isn’t belittling or making fun of anyone else.
Stick to easy to follow humor and you’ll disarm everyone and make them feel happy and easy-going around you. [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]
Yes, you can be charismatic!
If you look at the big picture, you’ll see that everything about being charismatic revolves around a person’s ability to be comfortable with themselves, their surroundings, and the people they encounter.
Of course, we can’t all maintain an air of charisma. We will all encounter things that bring us down.
But if you apply the suggestions mentioned above in our daily lives, you’ll inevitably be seen as a charismatic person, and every part of your life will improve because of it.
[Read: How to make small talk and connect with anyone without feeling awkward]
Don’t believe the hype that charisma is reserved only for the extroverted and superstars of the community. Everyone has it. You just have to know how to let it shine through!
