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How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In Together? 12 Signs You’re Both Ready!

How soon is too soon to move in? Some people say a year while others say not until you’re married. Read on to find out if you are ready to cohabitate!

How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In

Moving in together is a big step. In a way, it is almost like marriage because it takes your relationship from part-time to full-time. There are things you will learn about each other when you’re always under the same roof that you never would have known before, and there are a lot of potential hazards along the way. 

Tradition will tell you that it is best to wait until you are married to move in together. But modern relationships have shown that it is best to live together first, see if you can handle each other’s quirks, and then tie the knot. 

Sooner or later, you will learn how compatible you are when it comes to living together. However, moving in together is a big commitment of time and money, and not a step to be taken lightly. The reality is that only you and your partner know when the timing is right. 

If you both feel ready to live together, do it. Sure, there may be statistics to argue one way or the other, but there are always exceptions. 

Now, how to figure out if it is too soon to move in for you?

[Read: Are you ready to move in together? Your complete 16-point checklist]

How to know if you’re ready to move in

Firstly, even before wondering if it’s too soon to move in, you need to understand that readiness to move in together can come down to the facts or the feelings. There is a lot to consider. 

Do you feel close enough to each other? Do you think you’ll be happy coming home to them every day? Are you prepared to build a home with them? Have you discussed household chores, or how many nights a week friends can stay over? These things don’t matter when you are casually dating, but can make or break a live-in relationship. 

Even more important, are you ready financially? Have you discussed the details, including debt and splitting bills? Are you buying a home together? Will both of your names be on the mortgage? Are you moving into their place or they yours, or are you getting a new place? What’s your budget? [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]

The nitty gritty of living together

Are you comfortable discussing money? Will you split costs or will one of you pay more because you make more? Will one person take over household chores or will you share? Have you talked about if you will pay bills together? 

This volley of questions can be overwhelming, and you don’t have to answer them all right now. But just know that all of these issues will come up at some point, and you need to be ready to talk to your partner about them. If discussing these things with your partner is too much for you, you may want to put living together on hold. 

If these questions excite you and you are looking forward to working through all of this with your partner, you’re probably ready to move in. 

But, how can you be sure? [Read: 6 common relationship problems faced by couples who live together]

How soon is too soon to move in?

There are no hard and fast rules here. Some people move in after knowing each other for 6 months, get married and live happily ever after. Others wait over a decade to move in, only to promptly break up. Every couple is different and on their own timeline. 

It is less about time spent together and more about the maturity of the relationship. If you are both mature, stable, and want to live together then there is really no reason not to. You just have to make sure that the situation feels right for you. 

The clearest signs you’re both ready to move in together soon

There is no specific time that you should or shouldn’t move in. But, there are some signs that you’re ready to move in and it isn’t too soon for you.

1. You can talk about money

If you guys cannot talk about money, then it is too soon to move in together. 

To run a successful household, you need to agree on a budget. If one of you makes more than the other, are you okay with an imbalanced contribution? If you make less, is your partner willing to get a smaller place so you feel more equal or do they want what they can afford? Have you factored in things like utility bills, household supplies and groceries?

You need to be able to come to understandings and compromises when discussing financials. Nothing crushes a happy relationship faster than poverty, and it comes quickly when reasonable financial expectations are not in place. [Read: Sharing expenses in a relationship and the must-follow rules to abide by]

2. You want to live together

Lots of couples move in together because their leases are up or it just makes sense. That’s fair, but it’s not enough of a reason on its own. 

Before you move in together, ask yourself if you really want to come home to this person every day. If both of your leases are up, you can decide to move in together– but if you don’t want to, it might be easier to just wait. Your lack of interest in cohabitating might also be a sign that your relationship has run its course. 

3. You’ve spent a fair amount of time together

If you have not spent a lot of time together, it is probably too soon to move in together. It is one thing to stay together for one night, but staying together for a few days or even a week will show you a glimpse of what living together is like. 

Do you bicker? Do you respect each other? Is one of you a slob and the other a neat freak? Do you wake up and go to bed at similar times? These are things that will be helpful to learn before living together, and the only way to do that is to spend a significant amount of time together. [Read: These cohabitation tips will help you live together in peace]

4. You know your household roles

A relationship is a team and you should both do your parts. Depending on your work schedules, time, and such you will both have responsibilities. Will you do the cooking and cleaning because you’re home more often. Who will pay for groceries and home decor?

Have an agreement about what you both need to do to keep the household running smoothly so things don’t go unsaid, allowing resentment to build. Also, stay on the same page if anything changes.

5. You communicate

This is something that changes drastically when you’re sharing a home. When you are at your partner’s place, you may feel like it is their space so you can’t say anything about their dirty clothes pile or sink full of dishes.

But when you share a home, those things are in your space too. Will they bug you? Will you be able to have a constructive conversation about it?

When you’re wondering how soon is too soon to move in together, ask yourself if you hold back sometimes to avoid a fight. Holding back from communicating with each other causes tension and resentment over the long term.

You have to be able to communicate about things both large and small to successfully cohabitate. [Read: 14 steps that’ll make you both expert communicators in love]

6. You agree on invites

You may love having your friends stopping by unannounced but your partner may be more private. Are there certain friends you both feel comfortable around that can stop by? Who needs to call first? Who will you give a spare key to? 

In addition to friendly invites–ask your partner about long term guests. Do they have a friend or family member who tends to crash on the couch for weeks or even months at a time? If so, you need to discuss that ahead of time, and what you are and aren’t comfortable with. This goes both ways–don’t assume that your bestie can stay for a month when she loses her job. Talk to your partner about it first. Remember, you are a team and you need to be on the same page about your home.

7. Will you have pets?

Pets are a big part of a family and whether you already have one or more or plan on adopting, this is a big conversation. Will you share the responsibility of feeding and cleaning? Who will take the dog for walks or scoop the litter box? Do they even like the same kind of pets you do?

Will you allow the pets on the furniture or are they limited to the floor? You need to agree on these things before they cause a major issue. [Read: Considering adopting a pet? The things both of you need to ask yourselves]

8. Remember time and quality time are not the same

Once a couple moves in together, their lives become more pragmatic and romance tends to take a back seat. You’re always together so why put the effort in? Well, there are a lot of reasons. 

Just because you are sitting in the same room on your phones, it doesn’t mean you are nurturing your relationship. Taking time to be together away from distractions is so important, even more so once you share a living space.

If you don’t, you run the risk of draining the relationship of passion. All relationships “cool off” over time, but if you start to treat your partner like a roommate, the flame of your relationship will die very quickly. So make sure to keep dating your partner, even when you live together. 

9. You have similar ideas on what “clean” means

You can love each other to death, but if one of you is a neat freak and the other is a slob, it will be hard to live together. Have serious conversations up front about what clean means to you and how you want the house to be kept. [Read:17 Whys & Ways to Care Less in a Relationship When You’re Being Used]

If your partner doesn’t want to clean, they may be willing to pay for a service. Whatever it is, just make sure you talk about it before you move in– otherwise you will be fighting constantly.

10. You know the plan

Being on the same page is so important. When you live together, you are connected financially in some way. A breakup is more than a breakup, but a splitting up of your shared home and all of your stuff. This is far from the end of the world, but its something you want to avoid. 

So before you move in together, ask what the end game is here. Do you plan on getting married? Will you have kids? If you cannot discuss these things with your partner, even in the abstract, it is probably too soon to move in together. [Read: 20 would you rather questions for couples who want to go deeper]

11. You’re excited to live together

Are you really excited to spend more time with your partner? To live together, and share a home? If you are not excited or even dreading spending that much time together, don’t do it. Be honest with yourself, because the truth will come out sooner or later. 

12. Are you really ready for the next step?

Living together is a big step in the relationship, and it means pulling back all the mystery surrounding your partner. Living together means being sick around each other, taking care of each other, seeing one another in a new light. It means washing their socks and underwear, and seeing your partner every second of every day. Are you ready to take away the mystery?

There is nothing wrong with deciding that it is too soon. You may just want to spend more time in the romantic, mysterious phase of dating. If you don’t have to, don’t rush it. 

[Read: Considering moving in together? Exactly how big a step is it really]

So, with this, the question should be how soon is too soon to move in for you as a couple?

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Samantha Ann
My name is Samantha Ann. I am 28 years old. It was always my dream to become an advice columnist, so after years of off and online dating and eventually finding...