You may wish the best for your SO, but you could be hindering them without realizing it. Here are 7 ways you may be holding your partner back from success.
We all want our partners to become the best versions of themselves they can be, don’t we? However, there’s also that part of us that’s scared they’ll change so drastically that things will never be the same again. We’re scared of losing the simple, laid-back person we’ve always loved. We’re also a bit worried that their new version will not love us as much. But the good news is that these feelings are very normal.
But in our quest to keep the relationship as it is, we may not be aware that we’re holding back our partners from success. It could be in the way we talk, the way we act, or the way we make them feel. Instead of pushing them up, we’re pulling them down because of our own insecurities. Isn’t that a sad thought?
7 ways you could be holding your partner back from success
Are you holding your partner back from success? Even if you’re not doing any of the following things on purpose, you may be guilty of one or even a few of them that could be putting up roadblocks to their success. Check to see if you’re doing any of these things:
#1 Belittling your partner’s ideas. Imagine your partner is so enthusiastic to tell you about an idea they have for a business. Instead of joining in on the excitement, you automatically dismiss the idea because it’s just too silly or too impossible or too impractical or too cliché. You then bombard your partner with reasons why the idea is so lame. “No offense,” you say. You’re just being honest because no one else will be.
But negative feedback from you is a big punch in the gut to your partner because they need enthusiasm and support from you, of all people. You’re such a big influence on your partner that everything you say *verbally and nonverbally* will be taken seriously.
Try to be as gentle as possible. When you find yourself about to say yet another negative thing, quickly take a moment to step back and decide if your partner really needs your tough love right now, or if they would benefit from a little encouragement instead. [Read: The power of words can make or break your relationship]
#2 Having a suspicious mind. Now imagine your partner spends a lot of time with someone from work and this makes you so anxious. What if they’re not just working? Do they have to spend that much time together? Do they really have to call each other that often… even on weekends? What are they doing, really?
Jealousy can be nasty, yet it’s such an honest, relatable emotion. We just want to be reassured that when we give our partners 100% of our trust, they’re giving us 100% of their faithfulness in return. We’ve probably heard so many infidelity stories from friends that it’s become the norm rather than the exception.
But is this a valid reason to control our partners? Putting our partners on a jealousy leash will limit their productivity and opportunities. You do not want this to happen to the person you love. [Read: 6 little ways to stop being so jealous in a relationship]
#3 Wanting quality time all the time. Every relationship needs quality time because that’s when we get to connect with our partners on a deeper level. However, if you’re asking for it all the time to the point that you become too clingy or too demanding, especially when they could use a little extra time to dedicate to achieving a goal, then “quality time” becomes a burden to both of you—a whiny, desperate excuse for attention.
Unless it’s been weeks since you’ve had a quality talk, let your partner ride their momentum without nagging. Besides, your quality time will be better if you both have many things to share! [Read: Stress ruining your relationship? 10 signs and quick fixes]
#4 Being too stingy. We all want to save money for our future. In fact, by the age of 25, we already know that every dollar counts. But some of us are so caught up with pinching every penny that we become too scared to take a little risk.
For example, imagine your partner tells you that they want to attend a writing workshop across the country. Are you going to freak out over what will happen to your bank account? It’s okay to be frugal, but it’s awful when you’re so stingy that it affects your partner’s success. While it’s important to be smart with your finances, what’s the point of all that hard work and saving if you never use it to better your life? [Read: Creatively cheap: 12 date ideas to have fun on a budget]
#5 Being financially dependent. Since we are on the subject of finances, another way that you could be holding your partner back from success is by being financially dependent on them. It’s one thing if you’re married with kids and have a joint account, but it’s quite another if you’re not married and are depending solely on your partner for food, rent, and everything else.
As much as you can, try to be as financially independent from your partner as possible so you can both push each other to the top. You’ll double their speed to success *and yours* if you’re earning your own money. [Read: The lazy twenty-something’s guide to saving money easily]
#6 Being against a long-distance relationship. What if your partner finally gets offered their dream job, but that means you’ll be hundreds of miles apart? Will you be excited that your partner is pursuing their dreams, or are you going to see this as a big threat to your relationship?
If you truly care for your partner, you will choose their happiness over your own fears. However, if you become possessive and paranoid because of the distance, your partner may feel this and consider turning down the job and sacrificing their passion for you. [Read: 10 things to never do in a long-distance relationship]
#7 Not having goals yourself. You are probably the number-one influencer of your partner, from the food you eat to the way you think to how you spend your free time. If you’re not passionate about achieving your goals, then you may be unintentionally influencing your partner to do the same. In what ways do you influence your partner, and in what ways do they influence you? Are you pushing each other up in these little ways, or pulling each other down slowly?
[Read: Love or career? – How to make the right choice]
Happy relationships are made by happy people, and in order to achieve happiness, we have to reach our full potential. If you care about your partner as much as you care about your relationship, you will help them achieve their goals with an open heart and an open mind.
