Being ghosted by a best friend is pretty brutal and confusing to say the least. Here’s how to deal with this upsetting event and find closure.
Have you heard the term ‘ghosted’? You probably have, but you assume that’s about someone you’ve been flirting with on Instagram who suddenly cuts you off and goes quiet. The thing is, you can be ghosted by anyone, even someone you’re close to. Being ghosted by a best friend may be the most painful type of ghosting.
Being ghosted by someone you don’t know very well is painful and confusing enough. What happens when it’s someone you know really well and care about?
Being ghosted by a best friend is the worst kind of ghosting. It is painful and confusing. It’s heartbreaking and, in some ways, can be more difficult to deal with than a relationship breakup.
If this happens to you, it’s vital that you take the time to stop, take stock, avoid saying or doing something you might regret, and take the high road. It’s hard, but necessary.
[Read: 15 guidelines you need to follow if you want to forgive and forget]
What does it mean to be ghosted by a best friend?
Picture the scene. You’ve been friends for a long time. You’ve shared experiences, laughs, tears, and everything else that goes hand in hand with having a best friend. And you see them as an extension of your family. Then all lines of communication are cut. It goes quiet. Radio silence.
You have no clue what happened. One minute you were enjoying the life of having a best friend and the next thing, you can’t even get them to answer a text.
You have no idea what went wrong. You sit there wracking your brains, trying to work out whether you did something wrong, said something to offend them, or upset them without realizing it. But you can’t think of anything.
You call them again. Nothing. You text them. Nothing. You check their social media feed. Yes, they are still alive, yet no communication is coming your way.
[Read: 7 big clues to identify an emotionally immature person]
Being ghosted by a best friend basically means that your best friend cuts all ties with you very suddenly, without any explanation or reason. One day they’re there and the next they’re gone. Of course, when you look back on it you can see signs. But, in the moment, you see zero. It seems like such a shock to the system.
It’s painful and will cause you to overthink. It will hurt, and it might even cause you to make late night runs to their house to try and get them to open the door because you know they’ll be home at that time.
You literally tie yourself up in knots. [Read: 15 signs of a bad friend you need to be on the lookout for]
But then, eventually, you calm down. You become a little angry. Because you feel betrayed, hurt, lost.
This is the reality of being ghosted. It’s one of the most selfish and cowardly ways to end a friendship. [Read: 15 ways to discover self-love and happiness]
Why would a best friend suddenly cut communication?
The only person who can answer that is your best friend! It makes no sense to you and probably makes no sense to anyone else in your inner circle. But it’s happened. Unless you want to continue living your life in anger and confusion, eventually you must let it go and see how things work out in the future.
You see, life ebbs and flows. It never remains static, it’s always changing. That means that life is always having its ups and downs. As individuals we never deal with things in the same way as someone else. It could be that your friend is going through something hard in their life, something they don’t want to talk about, and as a result they’ve simply chosen to shut down. It’s sad, but possible.
It could be that they’ve simply moved on. That sounds brutal, but maybe you’ve simply outgrown each other and you didn’t realize it. Maybe they see something that you don’t.
There are a million reasons why you could be ghosted by a best friend, but it’s unlikely that even if your friend gave you their reason, you would understand it.
The worst thing you can do is force it. Don’t chase, beg for answers, bombard them, or run after them.
Make sure they’re safe and nothing has happened by whatever means you need to *within reason*, and then just let things be. [Read: How to make up with a friend when you just don’t want to lose them]
How to handle being ghosted by a best friend
Of course, the hurt and betrayal isn’t going to go away overnight. So, how do you make peace and learn to live with it?
Firstly, understand that this is not a reflection on you. If you have done nothing to upset or hurt your friend and there is no logical reason for them to suddenly go all Casper the *un*friendly ghost on you, then don’t feel guilty or bad about it. You can only assume that they have entered into a new phase in their life. For some reason, they don’t feel that you’re going to be a part of it.
Pour the extra love and attention into your current friendships, family situation, and yourself. Be kind to yourself. Understand that you did nothing to be ashamed of. This isn’t about you, it’s about them. [Read: Why being ghosted hurts so much and what you need to do about it]
It could very well be that at some point in the future they reach out to you. They might give you reasons as to why they disappeared from your life or simply try and avoid the conversation and slide back in. What you do at that point is up to you. However, do not allow the experience to make you bitter or think that every single person you strike up a friendship with is going to go AWOL at some stage.
It’s rare. If it happens to you, I guess you’re just unlucky. What you need to be sure of is that you don’t turn the ghosting into a major drama. It’s a drama for you, but hold your head up high and be the bigger person here. You did nothing wrong. [Read: A guide to grow up and face life like a mature adult]
Some people are only on part of the journey
There are many reasons why our outlook on life changes. I was ghosted by a best friend many years ago. Although, we were drifting apart anyway. She suddenly found herself loved up, in a new relationship, and I guess she figured that she no longer needed friends because she had her new beau.
I haven’t heard from her since. I was told by a mutual friend that she was married and happily settled down. So I wish her luck and happiness, and that’s it. What else could I have done? Nothing. [Read: How to recognize a karmic connection that enters your life]
Sure, it hurt. I realized that life isn’t always going to turn out the way you expect, and the people you think will make the ride with you sometimes don’t. At the end of the day, we all have our own journeys and paths to walk. Some people aren’t meant to complete the path with you, they’re just visiting for a certain part of it.
[Read: How to overcome the pain of losing a best friend]
Being ghosted by a best friend is far more painful than being ghosted by someone you’re talking to on social media or even someone you’ve become close to romantically over a short period of time. But remember it’s not you, it’s them. Seriously.