You think you will be BFFs forever, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. So, if you want to get your best friend back, here are the ways you can do it.
Did you have a big fight with your best friend? Or have they been hanging out with someone else lately? These things happen. However, just because you two are in a slump doesn’t mean the friendship is over. There are ways to get your best friend back.
Why do friendships end?
When you are best friends with someone, you think that you will be that close for the rest of your lives. But that’s not always what happens. Sure, we expect our romantic relationships to end, but not our friendships.
So, if you want to get your best friend back, then you are probably wondering why it even ended in the first place? Well, you may already know. But then again, you might not. So, let’s start with discussing all the different ways a best friendship could end.
There are two main ways: drifting apart and a deliberate ending.
[Read: One-sided friendship – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose]
Drifting apart
This is probably the most common way that best friends end their relationships. Let’s face it – life is always changing.
People grow up, move, and their paths can go two different directions. So, here are some of the ways you can drift apart from your best friend.
1. Graduation
Even if you knew your best friend from birth, there always comes a time when life changes drastically, and a graduation is usually that point for a lot of people.
Whether it’s high school, college, or graduate school, getting your diploma or degree usually makes people change their lives.
2. Marriage
If one or both of the best friends get married, that can change the friendship too. Let’s say just one of them got married and the other one is single.
Well, those are two very different worlds. The married one will be hanging out with their spouse all the time, and the single one will be going out and trying to find “the one.” So, suddenly, their relationship status is very different from each other. [Read: Losing a friend – 30 ways to face the pain of best friends drifting away]
3. Kids
Having kids is similar to your marital status – it changes your life a lot. But children change your life even more.
When you have a baby, your life is no longer your own. You can’t be selfish anymore and do whatever you want, whenever you want. Instead, you have to prioritize your child or children before anyone else – even your best friend.
4. Geography
Some people never leave their home town, while others move half way around the world from where they were born.
So, if one or both of you moved far away from the other, it’s much more difficult to maintain a close relationship long distance. You can’t see each other face-to-face anymore, and you’ll both probably form new friendships in your new place of residence.
5. Age differences
When we’re young, it’s more likely that we will have friends of our own age. But as life goes on, sometimes we can become best friends with someone who is much older or younger than us. And that might not be a problem, but perhaps down the line, it will be.
For example, maybe the two of you both have kids. But the older friend’s children grow up and move out before the other one’s. Then, one is in the empty nest phase, while the other one is not. [Read: 24 signs you have really shitty friends and need to get some new ones]
6. Incompatibility
Just as you can grow apart from a romantic partner, you can with a friend too. Maybe one of you started to get into partying and the other one didn’t want to follow that path.
Or one is an extrovert and the other one is an introvert. As time goes by, both people’s true inner selves begin to reveal themselves. And unfortunately, sometimes they discover that they are simply not compatible with each other anymore.
Deliberate ending
Sometimes friendships don’t just drift apart. They can end suddenly – or even explosively – much the same way that a romantic relationship might end.
These are much more painful to go through, but they do happen. And here’s why. [Read: Clingy friend – what makes them and 22 easy ways to fix the friendship]
7. Misunderstanding
Let’s say that your friend’s boyfriend decided to give you a call to ask advice about them. You don’t want to talk to their boyfriend, but you’re trying to be nice.
If your friend finds out, they might think that you are emotionally cheating with their partner. You’re not, but you can’t convince your friend otherwise. Big misunderstandings can lead to sudden endings of friendships.
8. Betrayal
You can take the above scenario and take it from a misunderstanding into an outright betrayal. Maybe one of you really did try to steal the other person’s romantic partner.
That is a huge no-no in friendships. But it does happen. Whether it’s cheating, lying or some other betrayal, this is bound to end a friendship. [Read: When best friends become enemies]
How to get your best friend back – The most important steps that work
Now that you know how and why friendships can end, let’s talk about how you can get your best friend back.
You can still save the relationship. All you need to do is you just need to figure out how. So, don’t go burning all your memories and photographs in a rage, here are some helpful tips for getting your best friend back.
1. Assess what happened
Did you two just fizzle out or was it a fight that resulted in you two splitting up? This may sound like a breakup, and it actually is. Your best friend is your pea in a pod, so obviously, this is upsetting. You need to evaluate what happened and figure out where it went wrong.
If you’re not sure, you can always talk to someone you trust about the situation and see what they think. Sometimes it’s easier to get a third party opinion on the matter to see if you did something wrong. They also help you realize where your behavior was inappropriate.
2. Give them space
Sometimes, they just need a time out, some space on their own without you hunting them down. You probably think talking right away is the best way to fix the situation but for some, it’s not. So, take some time off from them and wait to see if they message you first.
If they don’t, message them after a week of not speaking. If you tried to contact them earlier and they don’t respond, give it more time. They’ll reply when they’re ready.
3. Put yourself in your best friend’s shoes
Sometimes it’s hard to understand why your friend isn’t speaking to you, but they’re your best friend for a reason. You know them, you know what they’re like. What you need to do is put yourself in their shoes and see how they’re feeling. Maybe you said something very hurtful.
Take some time to think about it. This tip goes great with #2 because, during that time out, you’ll have the time to also think about how they’re feeling. [Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]
3. Make amends
Someone has to apologize. Whether it’s you or them. If you don’t think you did anything wrong, well, evaluate whether or not you need to apologize. Sometimes it’s better to say sorry and save the friendship.
Even if you didn’t think what you did was wrong, someone will have to be the bigger person and take that step in order to move past the situation. So, if you want to be friends again, you’re going to have to say you’re sorry. [Read: 16 things you need to give up to have a happier life]
4. Don’t get defensive
Whatever the reason is, you may feel the need to get defensive. Maybe your friend is hanging out with a girl you don’t like, and of course, it’s going to look like you’re jealous, because you are.
So, before you start swearing and telling her that her new friend is a skank, just take it down a notch. This isn’t going to get her back.
In fact, your best friend is probably going to distance herself from you. So, take a deep breath whenever you feel like you’re going to say something you regret.
5. Let them speak
When you’re on a roll and really trying to make your point clear, you basically end up swallowing the conversation. So, let them speak. Sure, you have a lot to say, but this is your best friend.
Just calm down and listen. And by listening, we mean waiting for your turn to talk. Be present in the moment. If you let them talk, it shows them that you care and want to fix the situation. [Read: How to fight fair with someone and grow closer]
6. Talk about what you need to change
If your fight was because you drink too much, then you need to make some changes in your life. Or if you criticize your friend too much, just back off.
If you want to get your best friend back, these are things you need to change, and you need to tell your friend that. It shows you’re aware of your actions and how they affect your friend.
7. Put in some effort
Now that you finished discussing the situation and everything seems like it’s in the clear, put some effort into the relationship. Give your best friend a call or text something about your day.
It doesn’t have to be an important text, and it can be small talk. Anything to help you move on from what you experienced. This also shows your interest in rebuilding the friendship. [Read: The 8 kinds of friends everyone needs in their life]
8. Go out
So, that awkward part is over and done with. Now, you need to get your friendship back to normal. Do everything you normally do with your best friend.
Go for a walk, watch a movie, go to the mall. Whatever it is, just make a plan and do something fun together. If you stay quiet after making amends, it puts you both in a weird spot and keeps you dwelling on the past.
9. Be persistent
If your friend ignores you and doesn’t let you speak to them, be persistent. Okay, that doesn’t mean calling them every hour and leaving 30 voice mails on their phone.
If you really want them in your life though, you won’t give up on the friendship. The situation may be sticky, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix the relationship. [Read: How to avoid the awkward tension after an argument]
10. Remind them of a memory
Sometimes people get wrapped up in the negative mindset that they forget about the positive memories they shared with you.
Remind them why you’re best friends. Maybe you have some funny pictures or memorabilia to make them think about the good times they shared with you. You need to show them these things.
11. Do something special for them
Maybe their favorite treat is red velvet cupcakes. Why don’t you bake them some? Or maybe their favorite band is coming to town to play. Go see it with your best friend. Who cares if you don’t like it. You’re trying to save the friendship!
Do something that shows them you care and that you want it to work out. [Read: 18 insightful reasons why you don’t have any friends]
12. Be public with it
Okay, you don’t need to make a sign saying, “we’re best friends again” and display it at City Hall. But, if you want to get your best friend back, post things on their Facebook page or like their statuses and photos.
This is actually a pretty good way of saying sorry. Don’t overdo it by liking and commenting on everything. But even posting a YouTube on her page can do the trick. Thank god for Facebook, eh?
[Read: 22 signs your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore and why you drifted]
A best friend isn’t easy to find and once you have someone that knows you like the palm of your hand, you don’t want to let them go. So, follow these steps, and you’ll get your best friend back.
