Are you feeling unloved? We all do sometimes. But here are some reasons why you might be feeling that way and some tips for how you can feel more loved.
There are many reasons why a person may be feeling unloved, and it’s not always because someone forgot to show them love. Loving someone is a two-way street, which means that being unloved is not just one person’s fault.
When you talk about love, it is a feeling that is expressed and acknowledged. In order for that to happen, someone has to express it, and someone has to receive it.
In terms of feeling unloved, most people will assume that it’s because no one is giving them love. Sometimes that’s true, while other times, it’s safe to say that you may be feeling unloved because you’re not seeing the love around you.
[Read: Are you incapable of love? 21 signs and reasons for emotional deprivation disorder]
Why you are feeling unloved?
In order to know if you really are unloved, let’s look at why you would think that in the first place. Before anything else, ask yourself these questions so you can see where this feeling of loss is coming from.
1. Do you feel unloved by a specific person?
This is an important question to ask yourself. Exactly who is making you feel unloved? Is it one person or a lot of people?
It could be a crush who doesn’t like you back, a date who didn’t follow up, a family member, or a friend. Or it could be all of them.
If it’s just one person, then that’s easier to fix. For example, if it’s just your crush that isn’t returning your affection, then who cares? It’s just one person.
Just because they don’t feel that way doesn’t make you unlovable. But if you’re feeling that way from a lot of different people, then you will have to do some more internal work to figure out why you feel that way. [Read: Akoiromantic – When you want to love but don’t like being loved in return]
2. Or do you feel that absolutely no one loves you?
Do you feel like you have no one at all? If that’s true, you need to ask yourself if it’s just a feeling and whether or not that is actually true.
Sometimes our emotions get the best of us, and it clouds our logical, rational thinking. Just because you feel like no one loves you, that doesn’t make it true. [Read: Am I unlovable? What you need to do when you feel unloved]
So, it could be that people actually do love you, but you aren’t seeing it. Or you want them to express their love in one way, but they are doing it a different way. Having expectations about how you want to be loved can lead to the feeling of being unloved.
3. Do you feel unloved because you’re being ignored?
Maybe you’re trying to get your friends to hang out with you. Or you want your mom or dad to pay attention to you.
If that’s true, then you have to remember that people are busy, insensitive, or distracted. In other words, it’s not all about you.
Sometimes we have demands for other people’s attention that they just can’t give us. Maybe you want to text 24/7 with your friends, but they can’t keep up with you.
That doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it just means they don’t have the same needs for communication as you do. So, look at it from their point of views, and see if you’re being reasonable. [Read: How not to feel lonely – 30 ways to chase the lonely blues away]
4. Or do you feel unloved because the people around you don’t understand you?
It could be that you are going through a tough time, and you’re having trouble explaining what you’re going through. If you feel like the people in your life don’t understand you, then you have to ask yourself…are they trying?
If they are trying, maybe you are just not explaining yourself well enough. Sometimes we expect people to be mind readers and just automatically know what we are thinking and feeling.
But guess what? No one is a mind reader, so you will need to express your feelings very clearly for them to understand you. [Read: Why does nobody love me? See the love surrounding you]
5. Do you feel unloved because you think you’re unlovable?
No one has perfect self-esteem. However, some people’s self-esteem is just in the dumps. Is that you? If so, you should really examine your insecurities, self-doubt, and things you might be doing like body-shaming.
What about you makes you think that you are unlovable? Usually, it’s something silly.
For example, if you think you’re overweight, and that’s what makes you unlovable, you need to realize that what someone’s body looks like has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not people love them. It’s what’s on the inside that counts. [Read: How to love yourself – The 23 best ways to find self-love and happiness from within]
6. Or are you feeling unloved because you don’t see that you are worthy of love?
Sometimes we just fail to see that love still exists all around us. And if that’s true, then you just have to open your eyes to see it.
If you said yes to questions 1, 3, and 5, the problem is with you. If you said yes to questions 2, 4, or 6, it may be time to talk to someone about it – meaning your partner, your family, or even your friends.
Feeling unloved because you’re not getting what you expected is a normal reaction, but not something that you should take to heart.
Some people don’t understand why they feel that way, but they do know that it’s because they’re not getting the love they think they deserve. [Read: Is your negative thinking subconsciously ruining your life?]
Feeling unloved because you see the world as a place without love, on the other hand, is more serious. If someone thinks that there’s no hope of finding love where they stand, it’s possible that it could lead to dire consequences, both physically and emotionally.
How people show love
Before you decide that you are truly unloved, let’s look first at how people show love. Maybe you’ll see that someone really does love you, but you were just a little sidetracked because of the conflict you’ve been feeling within yourself.
If you truly believe that none of the ways people show love is applicable to you, then there’s always a way to change that, and we’re here to help.
1. When they do the little things
The little things, when put in perspective, can turn out to be really huge gestures of love.
When someone prepares your food or gives you the other half of a sandwich, you can call it a gesture that’s not made out of love, but probably because you are loved. [Read: The different ways people say ‘I love you’ without saying a word]
2. When they give you a little bit or more of their time
Time is actually a very valuable commodity. So when you don’t get much of it, it will leave you feeling unloved.
You may think that anyone can give more than enough of time, but setting some aside just for you is already a big deal. Appreciate it and learn how to accept that sometimes love is giving anything that you can aside from affection.
3. When they listen
When a person listens to you, it means that they are interested in what you have to say.
No matter what it is, that sort of attention is important, because when no one listens, your cries for help will never be heard. An open mind and a shoulder to cry on can make up for the love that is not being felt.
4. When they try to help
Some think that people who are trying to help can make things worse – like the ones who tell you to look at the bright side and see the silver lining. Minimizing the importance of your feelings is one of the biggest mistakes that people make. [Read: How to get over feeling unwanted and start feeling desirable again]
Although some don’t understand what exactly it is you’re going through, their willingness to help is evidence enough that they are showing love – unless they’re not really listening.
5. When they’re present or try their best to be available when you need them the most
Being there for you is already an act done out of love. They could be somewhere else, but something is drawing them back to you, especially when they feel that you need saving.
It could be pity, guilt, or even shame that pushes people to be there for you, but in the end, it all goes back to how much they care about you.
The five love languages
According to psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. In other words, certain people have different ways of giving and receiving love. He even wrote a book about it, The Five Love Languages. Check it out because it will give you a lot of insights.
But here is a short synopsis of it so you can get a feel of what he’s talking about. [Read: The raw psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love]
1. Words of affirmation
When someone gives love with words, they say “I love you” and compliment the person they love a lot.
They express their love through actual language. Some people give love that way, and others want to receive it that way. And some people want both.
2. Acts of service
When someone sends or receives love through acts of service, they are doing nice things for you.
For example, cooking you a nice meal, changing the oil in your car, or rubbing your feet are things someone might use do to say they love you.
3. Giving of gifts
Some people love giving and receiving gifts as an act of love. It could be something simple like getting flowers, or something big like a new car.
Regardless, they see gifts as something someone does when they love another person. [Read: A lack of affection in a relationship – is it time to walk away?]
4. Touch
Touch is another way people give and receive love. Someone who likes touch needs to have their hand held, to be cuddled, and hugged.
They even see sex as an act of love – and the lack thereof as the opposite.
5. Time
The last love language is spending quality time with the people you love. That could be in person, on the phone, over text, or another way. But spending time with people is equivalent to love for these people.
What can you do to stop feeling unloved
If you feel that no one loves you, or if you can’t resolve yourself to appreciate the people who do, you need to do something about it very soon.
It may seem like a shallow complaint to some, but feeling unloved is quite serious, especially if it manifests as something that can damage you emotionally. So, here’s what you can do to nip it in the bud. [Read: How your self respect affects you and the relationships in your life]
1. Start doing things for yourself
Stop doing things to make people love you. Do it because you want to give love away. After that, it’s only a matter of time before it comes back tenfold.
2. Eat well, exercise, and meditate
Focus on doing things that make you healthy. Loving your body is the first step. Loving your mind comes next. [Read: 13 happy things you need for a perfectly happy life]
3. Give without expecting anything in return
When you start to give without asking for anything back, you will see a huge change in how you feel.
You’ll become happier and more in tune with yourself and finally see how being unloved pales in comparison to being the bearer of love.
4. Show appreciation
Value the little things that come your way, whether it’s a smile from a stranger or a helping hand at the grocery store. People do good things all the time. You just have to appreciate it when it happens. [Read: How to be grateful – 20 authentic ways to appreciate and express it]
5. Do not aim to hurt at any cost
The more you hurt people, the less love you will receive. That contributes a lot to why people feel unloved.
They don’t realize that while they’re demanding love, they’re also keeping others from the happiness that those people deserve. [Read: 18 insightful reasons why you don’t have any friends]
6. Do not beg, demand, or coerce to be loved – ask
Forcefully taking love is never an option. When you do, you’re pushing people to love you. That’s not how it works at all. Love is freely given and should not be seized for the taking.
7. Do not look for love in the wrong places or from the wrong people
One of the biggest reasons why people don’t find love is because they keep pushing for a love that’s not there.
It could be with abusive partners, estranged family members, or even friends who have moved on. [Read: Why you should never make someone a priority when you’re only an option to them]
8. Look at those who love you unconditionally
There are other ways to find love, and it’s not just with the people close to you. There are many people who show love to their fellow man without needing a reason.
You just have to open yourself up to them. If you don’t see it that way, there’s always a higher power to turn to.
9. Do not reject those who love you
Stop pushing people away. Feeling unloved makes us feel despair, which then blinds us to those who are willing to show us love.
Just stop for a minute and really look at the people who are there for you. [Read: Loneliness in a relationship – 4 reasons you feel it and 7 ways to fix it]
10. Look for people who love, are in love, and are spreading love
If you haven’t found love yet, you can still go look for it where it exists. That alone is enough of a motivation to keep yourself open to the possibilities.
Look at a happy couple, a kid playing with his dog, or a Pride parade. Love is all around. Remember that.
[Read: What does love feel like? 33 signs you’ll feel when you experience love in your life]
Feeling unloved is one of the worst feelings you can have. Before you forget what love feels like, always remember that it’s everywhere. And if you still can’t find it, just try following our advice, and you’ll quickly find love where you least expect it, from within you.
