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9 Ways that Prove You’re Definitely Afraid to Fall in Love

Have a sneaking suspicion you’re afraid to fall in love? These 9 symptoms will definitively prove that you suffer from the fear of falling in love.


For you, falling in love is the best thing ever. After all, life is about love. Nothing is as great and wonderful and beautiful as loving someone and being loved in return. You open yourself up to someone, you spend your days and nights with someone, you have someone to lean on and hold your hand, you have someone with whom you can share your pain, fears, and flaws, and you have someone who can love you and whom you can love, despite everything.

Love is such a beautiful thing and you likely go after it like a donkey charges after a carrot.

But, if this is you, you’ve probably never been heartbroken before. You’ve never felt how it is to be lied to, betrayed, and cheated on. You’ve never felt how it is to be used, devastated, and hurt. [Read: How to get over a broken heart]

So what is it REALLY like to be afraid to fall in love?

Take off your rose-colored glasses and we’ll show you with these nine proofs.

#1 You haven’t made peace with your past. When you are afraid to fall in love, chances are, it is because you have experienced something in the past that was life-altering. You may have started a relationship optimistic, but then ended up heartbroken.

So now, even after so long a time, you’re still haunted by the one who got away. The slightest trigger can tick you off and bring you back to that time when you were depressed and lonely, crying your heart out for days.

#2 You are afraid to trust anyone again. In any relationship, whether in your personal or work life, trust plays a big role. Trust is something that takes years to build and perfect, but it can be broken in just a matter of seconds with one false move. You may have trusted someone with all your heart, someone in whom you had invested your time and emotions, and suddenly, this sacred trust was broken. Because of the feelings of insecurity that result, you’re now constantly afraid of being betrayed again. [Check out: How to get over trust issues in your relationship]

#3 You feel trapped when you’re in a relationship. Another thing that you may feel when you are afraid to fall in love is the fear that you’ll be trapped when you enter into a relationship with someone. Love entails commitment, and this can make you feel up to your neck in too many expectations and responsibilities.

You may feel like being in a relationship would make you miss being single, because being tied to someone is like being tied down. You see being in a relationship as losing your freedom and something that would force you to have to alter your lifestyle. Even worse, you might be afraid you’ll have to ask permission from your significant other before you go out, or before doing practically anything.

#4 You don’t mind being with your partner, but you don’t want to get “too personal.” Once you finally do enter into a relationship, you will be spending time together, and you’re going to be talking with each other A LOT. Your partner will keep you updated about their day and they will expect you to give them a play-by-play, as well. [Try: 16 signs it’s time to move on and end the relationship]

When your partner leaves their toiletries on your side of the sink, you’ll freak out. When they tell you they want to introduce you to their friends, you’ll feel it is too big a move. When your partner shares their past, like how their parents’ divorce affected their childhood, you’ll just nod noncommittally and be careful not to volunteer any opinions or information.

#5 You want attention but you are uncomfortable when things go beyond mere pleasantries. Another sign that you are afraid of falling in love with the person you’re dating is when you already have a set of safe topics in mind whenever you sit down to talk to each other. After a hard day and you go home to your place, you’ll find your partner making dinner, but when you sit down to talk, you can’t get beyond how the weather is.

They will ask you what you think about that latest comic-book-based movie you watched together, and you might say it’s better than the prequel. However, when they ask you about how you feel about them, or ask when you are going to introduce them to your friends, or what your relationship is exactly, you’ll back away. [Check out: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart]

#6 You are afraid that your partner is taking up too much of your time. You’ve been seeing this person once every weekend, but suddenly, they are demanding more of your time. They ask you to accompany them to this or that, and you find yourself spending more and more time with them. You feel it disrupts a routine you have already established, and this makes you uncomfortable. You are afraid that spending too much time with them may just make you become too attached.

#7 You are over-sensitive when people talk about your commitment issues. You attend a friend’s wedding and the topic at the table puts you in the hot seat. You’re the only one without a “plus one.” Your friends start to ask you what happened to your last relationship, and say things that suggest you are the problem because you’re the one who won’t commit.

This makes you put your guard up: They don’t know what they’re talking about, you tell yourself. Even with someone you’re dating, the topics of “how come you’re not romantic,” or “why don’t you bring me to meet your parents” will inevitably come up, and you’ll become defensive. Soon enough, you’ll find yourself mastering the art of changing the subject.

#8 You put an invisible barrier between yourself and the one you’re dating. You may not be aware of this, but years of dodging the “love bullet” may leave you carrying around not only that chip on your shoulder, but also an invisible wall. This prohibits people from getting too close to you, physically and emotionally. When you’re dating someone, for example, you are careful not to be too close to them. You’re very wary of where your personal space is and when it is being invaded. The same things happen in the bedroom. You don’t cuddle after sex because, for you, it’s all about business. [Try: 5 clear giveaways of an emotionally unavailable man]

#9 You cannot say “those dreaded three words” back. Ultimately, this one is the motherload. You have been going out with this person for the longest time and you have told them you are attracted to them because of their intelligence, wit, and looks, and you even went as far as saying you worship the ground they walk on. You take them on fancy dates, you cook for them, and you spend a lot of time together. You held their hand while you introduced them to your friends.

However, when they tell you “I love you,” you clam up. You cannot bring yourself to say the words, because you are utterly gripped by fear.

It is understandable for people who went through a rough relationship, or even an abusive and traumatic one, to be afraid to be in a relationship again. Every situation or every move may bring you back to a bad memory you can’t forget.

Usually, time heals these wounds, and you will be ready to fall again. Sometimes, you’re just with the wrong person, and the prospect of spending the rest of your life with your current partner is unappealing, resulting in fear and uncertainty. [Read: How to fall in love again after a break up]

However, when there is an abnormal, persistent, and unjustifiable fear of falling in love or being emotionally attached, it can be a clinical problem that psychologists call “philophobia.” This particular condition needs to be addressed.

[Read: 20 downright strange but very real phobias about love]

As human beings, we want to feel loved—to feel that we belong. Whether you’re afraid of relationships, or are afraid to fall in love, it can come to a point where it can affect the quality of your life. This fear keeps you isolated and unhappy. So even though love can be a scary thing, most people still go out there and risk it all for the sake of finding true love. Are you willing to take the leap?

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Tiffany Grace Reyes
Tiffany is a wordsmith who has played with words ever since her letter-to-the-editor was published nationally at the age of 9. Since then her writing has gone f...
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