Playing victim is a manipulation tactic that never gets you anywhere. It makes you controlling, self-absorbed, and toxic when you do this to others.
No one wants to be the victim of cheating, of abuse, of the unwitting actions of other people. But surprisingly enough, playing victim without actually being a victim is something a lot of people tend to do.
They may do this for attention, for pity, or just for the heck of it simply because they can get away with it.
If that’s you, and you think your life is fine and dandy by playing the victim, we’re about to prove you very, very wrong. You see, people that play the victim only do this to gain an edge over someone. For instance, in a relationship, you play the victim to avoid admitting fault for your mistakes. See what we mean by manipulative?
But when you constantly do this, you may gain a brownie point in that instant, but your actions would hurt your relationships and those around you every single time.
[Read: 15 signs of manipulation in a relationship you should never ignore]
Why is playing victim such a bad thing?
It’s a bad thing because it generally means you’re switching the blame. You know it’s your fault and instead of being a decent human being and apologizing, you make it seem like it was their fault. The worst part is that if the person you’re playing victim on is kind and selfless, they’ll do it anyway.
They’ll say sorry for something that was YOUR fault. How cruel is that? When you make a habit of doing this in all your relationships and friendships, we promise you, you’ll push everyone away. Nobody likes someone who manipulates things purely for their benefit.
When you do this, you’re making people feel sorry for you instead of just doing the moral thing and apologizing. Playing victim is one of the gaslighting tactics which is, yet again, another manipulation technique.
When someone is an expert in doing this, they will do everything in their power to make you feel sorry for them and have pity for them. If you’re in a fight, they’ll end up having the upper hand constantly because of this. [Read: Manipulative people: How to spot them and ttop playing the victim]
What playing the victim will do to you
Here are just some of the ways that putting up the whole victim front can make your life so much worse.
1. You’re an energy vampire
If you are always putting out negative energy, you’re going to attract negative energy. No one wants to be around someone always complaining and talking about how life sucks. For example, if you meet a guy at a bar and he asks you how you are, he doesn’t actually mean he wants you to tell him every little thing currently wrong with you.
You suck the life of everything and everyone around you. Don’t you get exhausted playing victim constantly? Aren’t you a little tired of the manipulative games?
You have to stop acting like you carry all the world’s problems on your shoulder. You’re not. It’s just an act to get people to feel sorry for you. [Read: How to master positive self talk to banish negativity]
2. You worry too much
If you’re always paranoid and worried about things, you’re basically wasting all the time you could be using having more good times. You can carry an umbrella all you want, but it doesn’t mean the weatherman will predict the weather correctly.
If you’re always worrying trying to make sure you have control, you’ll never actually gain it. When you play the victim, you worry too much, simple as that. So you’ll never live life to the fullest when you’re constantly overwhelmed with worry and anxiety.
Of course, bad things can happen in life, like car wrecks, robbery, even murder. But good things happen too! All the ups and downs in life are what make life exciting. Without the bad stuff, we wouldn’t appreciate the good. [Read: 20 glaring signs you have a control freak in you!]
3. You are always jealous
There will always be someone prettier, richer, smarter, uglier, dumber, and whatever else than you. You should be happy that not everyone is the same, because if everyone were, life would be really boring.
If you find yourself always getting annoyed, or wishing bad things about people, then you are a very jealous person that is pretty miserable and miserable to be around.
If you find yourself getting jealous easily about the accomplishments of others, it’s important to ask yourself why, and to realize that only you are to blame for your unhappiness. You’ve turned yourself into your own jealous monster.
The truth is, jealousy is never an attractive trait on anyone, so you should stop playing victim if you can help yourself. if you’re constantly saying that you’re sorry you’re not as attractive as they are, just stop. Your insecurities are showing. [Read: How to stop being jealous of others’ success]
4. You tend to find and create drama, drama, drama
Unhappy people tend to always have drama surrounding them, never taking responsibility for their actions, because life is evil and out to get them, always. If you are always talking about people, it should come as no surprise that those people will talk about you to people as well.
You’re not someone that will be considered a good friend, if you’re talking negatively about your friends to other friends. Being addicted to drama and involving others will lead to a negative life. It’s a simple rule: treat others how you want to be treated. If you are treating your friends poorly, you will be treated poorly in return.
This goes back to the whole negative energy idea. You get what you give. If you’re always involved in some sort of drama, then you will continue to deal with very ridiculous problems and head-trips. When you decide to be the type of friend that you would want, only then will you start to live a drama-free life. [Read: 10 types of toxic friends to avoid]
5. You never want to do or even try anything
If you never want to go anywhere, or try new things, then you’re never going to go anywhere in life, literally. Happy people are those who wake up in the morning with goals, plans, determination and who fall 7 times and stand up 8. When you’re a happy person, you appreciate a sunny day and everything it has to offer.
Playing victim isn’t a good thing, even if it encourages you to gain an edge over someone. So if you want to stop this vicious cycle, create goals and go after them.
Create a routine and live a happy life. When you’re playing victim, you sleep all day when the sun is out shining, and complain about foot problems, or your back hurting, and go on and on about how you wanted to work out but you “couldn’t.”
You make excuses for everything and anything, because you don’t want to stare at the sun, even if you have to squint. [Read: Why settle for less when you can have so much more?]
6. You’re ungrateful
Ah yes, gratitude. This is such an important emotion that counters all negative and difficult emotions that exist. Victim-players are those who are never satisfied, and always find faults with things.
For example, if it is your birthday and your boyfriend buys you a sweater, the normal and polite thing to do would be to say “thank you, I love it!” but instead victim-players say something more along the lines of “I didn’t want the pink one.”
Not only is this passive-aggressive, but you’re playing the victim and making others feel sorry for you. If you aren’t appreciative of anything, then you definitely don’t have the ability to appreciate the life you’ve been given. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re always being taken for granted]
7. You are consumed with what once was
If you are someone who is always talking about how awesome you were in high school, or how you used to be really skinny, or anything associated with your past and your “once was,” then you will never move forward and find true happiness. You have to stop living in the past.
Playing victim means you’re stuck on the events of the past, which is never a good thing. Who you’ve been in the past instead of the present, you’re not really living your life. Dwelling on the past keeps you stuck until you can no longer move forward.
What you should realize is that life changes, and just because you may not be where you want to be, doesn’t mean that you can’t and won’t. Only you have control over yourself and the life you want to live.
It’s okay if you reminisce from time to time with your friends about high school and college, but if you tend to find yourself being the only one ever talking about your glory days, you’re going to eventually find yourself sitting alone not talking to anyone. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]
8. You don’t know how to take accountability
The result of playing victim in your life will cause you not to know how to take accountability. There is nothing positive or good that playing victim will provide in your life. All it will do is encourage you to avoid taking the blame and not take responsibility for your mistakes. [Read: How to apologize and say sorry to a lover]
This is such a common manipulation tactic because it works, especially for people who don’t know what playing the victim means. If you keep doing this whenever you’re at fault and think you can get away with it each time, there will come the day your loved one will realize precisely what you’re doing. This is when it’s game over for you.
9. You engage in negative self-talk
Playing victim also means you tend to engage in negative self-talk, and there’s nothing good you tell yourself. Especially when there’s conflict and your loved ones are frustrated with you, you’ll keep using negative self-talk to your advantage – to make people feel sorry for you.
This is the most self-sabotaging thing you can do to yourself so while you will get out of blame, the sacrifice is your own confidence and self-esteem. When you play victim, you talk so badly about yourself that it feels so draining and exhausting for you and others as well. [Read: How to master positive self talk and banish negativity]
10. You manipulate others
If there’s anything playing the victim is known for, it’s being a manipulation tactic. What this does is it lets you manipulate the people you love until nobody stays by your side because you tend to play victim.
There’s absolutely no room for manipulation when you love someone as it means you want to have control and the upper hand every time.
So if you’re wondering what playing the victim does in your life, it encourages you to manipulate and gaslight others to get precisely what you want. Because when they feel sorry for you, that gives you the upper hand. [Read: Psychological manipulation: 16 signs & tactics real manipulators use]
11. You unintentionally push people away
Playing victim feels so harmful to the receiving end that you will push everyone away in your life, whether you like it or not. This is why you shouldn’t be attempting to play victim in the first place. So if you want people to stay in your life and not leave you because they can’t handle you, stop playing the victim.
Remember that whether you’re aware of playing the victim or not, it’s still a manipulation tactic to control things in your favor.
So the longer you keep doing this tendency in every conflict, nobody will want to stay in your life. If they do stay, it’s out of obligation or tolerance, not love. [Read: How to stop pushing people away: Why you do this & how to stop it]
12. You lack confidence and self-esteem
We’ve mentioned earlier that when you tend to play victim, you’re encouraging low self-esteem and confidence. This should be your primary motivation to stop doing it altogether. When you keep playing victim, all it’s doing is reflecting how badly you truly see yourself.
When you convince others that you feel so worthless and don’t deserve them, all you’re doing is reflecting your lack of confidence in them. So stop playing the victim and just take accountability for your mistakes. [Read: How to build self-confidence: 16 ways to realize you’re worth it]
13. You have a temper
There’s another thing playing a victim is known for, and it’s showing your temperamental side. Whether it’s anger, frustration, rage, or resentment, you’re bound to show your temper. When things don’t go your way and don’t get what you want, you use your temper against others.
You have no self-control and discipline to control your emotions, so your temper tends to show when you’re frustrated. Playing the victim will make you feel like your temper controls you rather than the other way around.
[Read: 10 ways to handle dating someone with anger issues]
So, how does playing victim make your life worse?
People with real problems don’t run around always talking about them, because they know that life is worth living, no matter the circumstances, and they figure out how to live theirs the way they want to.
Playing victim of circumstances only serves to stop you from living a life that you have control of. Stop controlling everything and most importantly, stop manipulating people and things in your favor. You’ll end up alone when you keep doing this.
