You’ve no doubt heard plenty of love advice, but which are the lessons worth listening to, and which should you let drift in one ear and out of the other?
Love, when it’s going well, is pretty wonderful. It makes you feel happy, confident, safe, loved. But, when it’s going back? Everything on that list is reversed and you feel the total opposite. During good and bad times, you’ll hear plenty of love advice but you can choose which so-called “facts” to listen to and which to forget. In the end, what feels right to you is the only way to go.
The truth is that everyone is different. For you, a certain route might be the best way to go, but for your friend, that just wouldn’t work. It’s something we have to seek out for ourselves.
The truth of the matter is that no matter how much you read on the subject of love, no matter what sage advice you seek from those who are proficient in that particular arena, there are certain lessons that you will only ever learn from your own experiences.
[Read: The 25 most memorable and important life lessons to perfect your life]
What does love actually feel like?
Love happens in all kinds of environments, between all kinds of different people from different backgrounds, at different times in life, and in very differing ways. And this is why there are some lessons that can only be learned from experience – because no two people or their situations are ever identical. But, what does it really feel like?
Again, it’s personal. That’s why this entire subject is so confusing!
For some, love feels like a calm and gentle feeling. It’s almost like a sense of contentment. For others, it’s a raging waterfall of emotions. But, the truth is that love should always feel positive and safe. If it feels like a raging tornado, you can probably say that it’s not the purest of loves!
Nobody can tell you what is right and wrong when it comes to how love feels for you. But love fact number one – it should always feel good.
[Read: What does love feel like? 24 feelings you can’t deny]
Love advice you can only give yourself
The best and most reliable love advice comes from you. It’s what you have learned through experience and it’s what you know to be true for you. But, it’s easy to misunderstand your own advice because love can be so confusing.
To highlight your own truths when it comes to matters of the heart, here are a few love facts you learn for yourself.
1. Never have a ‘type’
The human mind, spirit, emotions, etc., consist of diverse and multifarious layers within a spectrum stretching from the obvious to the deep subconscious. The part of us that governs love seemingly exists somewhere in the vicinity of the latter. [Read: Types of relationships – 26 ways to define your love life]
And this explains how people often fall in love with those who you, or they, would never have thought were their types. Then cupid’s arrow struck and they fell head-over-heels in love with them.
The fact is that love operates in a place so deeply hidden within us that we are never truly aware of the influences that persuade it to make its decisions. You might think you have a type, a particular look or personality that you feel is a suitable match, but love will teach you that it has its own selection process.
It’s also true that by having a specific ‘type,’ you’re pushing aside people who may be a really great match for you. The best love advice? Don’t have a type. [Read: 9 reasons your ideal partner wish list isn’t working for you]
2. Love is tough
Forget the romance movies with their rose-tinted glasses approach to the whole question of love. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t operate that way. When you fall in love with someone, you create a dependence that involves a lot of sacrifice and compromise.
When you’re in love, the lesson a lot of the time is about giving parts of yourself up, so that you can continue to pursue the newfound object of your desires. And that is a lot more difficult than a few sentences or passages can even begin to describe. Only experience can teach you that particular lesson.
3. Love thyself
You might think you have a familiar, if not intimate, understanding of your innermost workings. But, just wait until you fall deeply in love. Everything you know about yourself will be turned on its head, twisted, opposed, and subjected to a torrent of emotional bewilderment.
For a start, you will be subjected to emotions that you have never experienced before. Emotions you never even knew you had, such as jealousy, dependence, anger, sympathy, empathy, and fear.
Your emotional state will be more brittle and vulnerable than you ever could have imagined. And this in turn, will teach you a lesson about yourself that you would never have otherwise experienced. [Read: 19 sure signs you’re starting to fall in love with someone]
4. Some bewildering yet true love advice? When you know, you know
What’s the one line that you hear in romance movies all the time? “How do I know if it’s true love?” And the answer is nearly always something along the lines of, “If it is, you’ll just know.” And that’s exactly it.
There are no words to explain what being in love really is. The chances are that if you need to ask that question, then you’re not in love. There is no set of tick-box questions that you can go through to discern the truth.
The only way you’ll know that you’ve met the love of your life, is when the experience of being in love tells you so. [Read: Love vs. in love – What makes them so different & yet so familiar?]
5. Almost nothing is as important
When you are truly head-over-heels in love, everything else, all those events and happenings that seemed of such world-shattering importance, suddenly kind of fade away into insignificance.
All you can think about is the object of your affection. It doesn’t matter how level-headed a person you are. No matter how practical or down to earth, your confidence in your ability to remain so in the face of any emotion will be sorely put to the test by the experience of being in love.
6. True love advice? Love is all you need
More song titles to describe the point, as they do that so well, but when you are truly in love, you don’t need anything else. You find that all your plans for money, career, or any other kind of advancement suddenly seem petty and childish.
All you want out of life is to get to spend it alongside the person who has, in a flash, turned your life upside down.
Likewise, big romantic gestures, gifts and pledges seem to have little value anymore. You both find more romance in a flower stem tied as a ring around the finger or a wine stain on a shirt as a reminder of your time together.
These things are more important than jewelry or other expensive gifts – Another piece of love advice that only the actual experience of being in love can reveal. [Read: The most powerful, yet smallest, gestures that show love in a powerful way]
7. Kiss your pride goodbye
You can’t be prideful and be in love – the two just don’t go hand in hand.
When you’re in love, all that you care about is the object of your desires. And things that you previously thought of as important in your character and the way people perceive you no longer matter in the slightest.
8. The best piece of love advice around – Expect the unexpected
Love is no observer of convention or time. It doesn’t matter how inconvenient your particular situation is for love or what boundaries there are that you’d prefer to observe. Indeed, love almost seems to get a kick out of putting such boundaries to the test.
But get ready for the unexpected. It can happen at any time, in any place, with even the most unexpected of people, no matter how disciplined and controlled you like to think you are. [Read: How to find your soulmate – 36 powerful ways to find your one true love]
9. Your attitude may change
Does it annoy you when people talk with their mouths full? Does the way some people breathe when they sleep set your teeth on edge? Do you just hate it when people ask pointless questions?
Well, be prepared to have such dislikes swept aside because when your loved one commits any of these minor social crimes, you will suddenly find that your former pet peeves have transformed into the cutest and most adorable mannerisms that you’ve ever had the pleasure to witness.
10. Love is always the best medicine
And true love really is. This is a lesson that only the experience of true love can teach.
No matter how bad your day has been, no matter how down or under the weather you feel, just one flash of a smile or a kind word from the one you love, and you’ll feel like you could take on the world again. And that really is a beautiful thing. [Read: 15 signs of a healthy relationship that keep couples happy and in love]
11. You’ll have to compromise
Some of the best love advice out there will serve you well but this one is key – know that you’ll need to compromise occasionally. Of course, that doesn’t mean all the time. You should never simply let your new love have everything they want. But, you need to put your own wants aside occasionally and meet in the middle.
12. Love will change you in some way
No matter whether you fall in love ten times in your life or just once, the experience will change you every time. Not completely, but there will be small lessons you’ll learn that change your outlook on life.
You might understand a weakness you had that’s now a strength. Or, you might learn more about who you are in a relationship. Regardless of the lesson, accept it and value it.
13. It will bring you to your knees at least once
Unless you’re extremely lucky, you will, at one point in your life, meet a ‘wrong one.’ Out of all the love advice out there, know this well.
This person will test you, push you, and make you wonder why you even bother. But, there are lessons to be learned amongst all this emotional chaos. It won’t last, and it shouldn’t. If something hurts you and never changes, even after regular conversation, walk away. But always remember what it taught you. [Read: Twin flame or soul mate? 17 strong signs that clearly tell them apart]
14. Your partner isn’t a mind reader – key love advice!
There are countless people out there who assume that their partner can read their mind. So, when they don’t get what they want or need, they become frustrated and angry.
The problem is, their partner has no clue why they’re acting that way. They have no idea because they’re simply not a mind reader!
The best love advice is to know that communication is the only way you’ll build a strong relationship. Be honest and open with your feelings and your wants/needs. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a better love]
15. No two relationships are ever the same
Never look at someone else’s relationship and compare it to yours. It’s the biggest mistake you’ll ever make. That’s because there are no two relationships on this planet that are ever the same and there is no perfect relationship either.
Everyone has their problems and peeves. Simply work with what you have and try to make it the best you can. If it doesn’t work out, know that you did your best.
[Read: Long term relationship advice and the best ways to transform your love life forever]
Although the subject of love is one that has been the focus of poems, books, and songs since the first humans made eyes at each other, there can never ever be a replacement for the love advice you learn from your own experiences.
