Narcissists are masters of deception. Learn how to know if a narcissist is finished with you and save yourself even more heartache.
When you fall in love with a narcissist, you don’t really know what’s going on. If you did, you wouldn’t have entered into a relationship with them. They’ve managed to fool you, and slowly wrap you around their finger, making your life a living hell. Of course, now you have a dilemma; you’re in love with them. Do they still care about you? Or are they looking for a new narcissistic supply? You’re not sure where you stand, nor are you sure how to know a narcissist is finished with you. [Read: Narcissistic supply – What it is and how to stop giving them what they crave]
What are you going to do? Break up? Probably not. You’ll stick around, and maybe get the courage to move on once your patience runs out. And this isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Listen, we’ve all been in unhealthy situations, and they’re not easy to get out of especially when emotions are involved. However, a relationship with a narcissist is never going to end well. It’s much better to not only learn how to know if a narcissist is finished with you, but to understand why you need to get out ahead of time too.
How can you tell if your partner is a narcissist?
The problem with narcissistic relationships is that the victim doesn’t often realize they’re dealing with a narcissist until it’s too late. Narcissists are fantastic at manipulating the truth and making you feel like you’re always in the wrong and they’re always right. They’re also wonderful at turning on the charm to keep you right where they want you, if they start to think you’re about to leave. [Read: Can a narcissist change? The real truth if you’re looking for hope]
Learning how to identify a narcissist isn’t easy, especially if you have feelings. However, being aware of what’s going on is important if you want to free yourself from their clutches. Trust me, life is infinitely better after you’ve worked out what is going on and you’ve found the strength to leave. Let’s look at the main signs that your partner might be a narcissist.
1. An overinflated sense of self
Narcissists assume they are the best of the best and nobody else can trump them. In their mind, they’re superior to everyone else and they will treat others around them in that same way. [Read: 25 signs of covert narcissism: A special kind of mind game]
2. A need for constant validation
A narcissist might seem overly confident but deep down, their confidence is pretty weak. They need constant validation from those around them and reassurance that they’re wonderful. They’ll never let you know that they’re having these doubts, but every single time you give them validation, it builds them back up again.
3. They have to have the best of everything
You will never see a true narcissist with a very old phone or an old car. They have to have the best model of everything, at any cost. They also look for partners who also show them in their best light, so someone who is of high social standing or a very attractive partner. [Read: Relationship with a narcissist: What it really means to love one]
4. They’re masters of deception
A narcissist will tie you up in knots and make you believe that you did it to yourself. Gaslighting is one tactic that a narcissist will regularly use but any type of manipulation will do. They do this to keep you right where they want you, to take your power away and make sure that they’re the ones in control.
5. They switch between good and bad behavior
The reason why many people stay with narcissists, and probably the reason why you’re trying to work out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you, is that they’re great at switching the act on and off. They’re on the very best behavior when you first meet, making you think they’re sweeping you off your feet. Then, their true self will start to show through very slowly. Once they feel like you’ve got to the point where you’re figuring them out, they’ll switch back to the charm and keep you right in their clutches. [Read: What causes narcissism? The facts & theories to read a narcissist]
6. They regularly belittle and bully
Narcissists get a kick out of making others feel bad. The ironic thing is that when they pull people down, it makes them feel better because their own confidence is shaky. In a relationship, a narcissist will often tell you that you look terrible and then laugh, because they get a kick out of your downcast expression. Of course, they’ll then sugarcoat it by telling you they were joking. Narcissists are true bullies but they do it in such an underhanded way it’s hard to detect for the person stuck in the middle of the cycle.
7. They exagerate everything
If a narcissist scores a goal in soccer, they’ll have you believe it was the very best goal ever scored. Their spaghetti bolognese is better than an Italian restaurant, and their driving skills are better than a Formula 1 driver. Every single thing in their life is exaggerated to make them look better. They do this so that they can grab the praise and look fantastic in everyone’s eyes. [Read: Am I a narcissist? 10 questions that reveal the narcissist in you]
8. Their opinion is always right, yours is always wrong
Opinions aren’t opinions in the world of a narcissist. They’re fact. So, that means their opinion is a fact and yours is nothing more than something to be laughed at. They’re never wrong in their own mind and if you try and argue your own opinion as being just as valid as theirs, you’ll literally get yourself nowhere. Don’t even try.
9. They expect you to do whatever they want, without questioning it
A narcissist isn’t going to ask you to do them a favor but know you might not be able to. They’re going to ask you in a way that makes you think they’re asking, but in reality, they’re demanding. They won’t react well to refusal to do what they want and they don’t expect you to question it either. Any attempt at doing so will result in passive aggression or a cold shoulder. [Read: 16 characteristics of a narcissist that give them away instantly]
10. They are incapable of empathy
A narcissist isn’t going to watch a film and cry because of the storyline, they’ll just watch the screen and notice nothing. The reason is that they’re basically incapable of feeling empathy. That means they can’t put themselves in another person’s shoes and feel how they would. Of course, that should tell you a lot about how it feels to be in a relationship with a narcissist too.
11. They’ll stamp on someone else to get what they want
Nothing stands in the way of what a narcissist wants. If they want something, they’ll get it, and they don’t care if they have to knock someone else down or push someone aside to get it. They’ll shout all over your proclamations and they’ll do whatever they want. Put simply, they feel the world owes them a favor. [Read: How to deal with a narcissist in the best way you possibly can]
12. They regularly show jealousy and envy towards other people
Because a narcissist wants to have the best of everything they don’t react well to someone else having something good in their lives. They will feel instant jealousy and they’ll show it. As a result, they’ll drag that person down to make them feel inferior, just so they can feel better about themselves.
13. They often come over as over-confident and boastful
It probably isn’t a surprise that a narcissist will appear very arrogant and boastful most of the time. However, there are different types of narcissists and some actually appear in the opposite way. Some narcissists attempt to make you feel sorry for them by appearing low in confidence when the opposite is actually true. Of course, it’s just a ruse to get you to pile the compliments and validation on them. [Read: 15 off-putting and obnoxious symptoms of narcissism in a person]
It’s important to note that we all display the odd narcissistic tendency from time to time. Being a little arrogant once or twice doesn’t mean that you’re narcissistic. If your partner shows just one or two signs occasionally, don’t automatically assume that they’re a narcissist.
If you are pretty sure that you have a narcissist in your life, what comes next? In all honesty, you need to get out of that relationship quickly. Don’t sit around waiting to understand to know if a narcissist is finished with you. Take the initiative and free yourself. It’s hard, I know from personal experience, but it’s something you will be so thankful for in the future.
However, it’s useful to learn how to know if a narcissist is finished with you because that means much of the hard work is done. If they’re a narcissist, they can’t hang around the same partner for too long; they need a change of scenery, a new victim. Lucky for you, it looks like they’ve grown tired of this routine and are ready to move. Shed a tear, but also count your blessings because you avoided more of the mental and emotional abuse from a narcissist.[Read: How to tell if someone is a narcissist and identify them in no time]
How to know if a narcissist is finished with you
Are they done with you? Are they onto the next victim? Here are a few signs you can use to know whether or not the narcissist in your life has decided they’re on the lookout for someone new to torture.
1. They’re hunting for new meat
Sorry to my vegan readers, but this is spot on. If you’re wondering how to know a narcissist is finished with you, the clearest sign is that they’re already on the hunt for new meat. And they’ve been on the hunt for a while.
A narcissist will never get rid of their partner unless they have someone new in sight. They’re always texting, disappearing for hours on end; that’s them preparing their next victim. [Read: 16 ways a narcissist abuses you and uses you until you break]
2. You see their true colors
Before, they were trying to put on a show, giving you a fake image of who they are. But now, they don’t give a shit. They’ve dropped the mask, and all you see is their ugly face. They’re showing their true colors because now they don’t need you. Why would they use up their energy on someone they don’t need?
3. You feel the change
Maybe you know something is up. It’s like you can feel their behavior change towards you, and them distancing themselves. If your intuition is on high-alert, you’re not going crazy. These are your instincts telling you to wake up. [Read: What types of narcissism should you be on the lookout for?]
4. They don’t answer your texts or calls
People become busy and reply after a couple of hours, that’s understandable. But if you’re wondering how to know a narcissist is finished with you, pay attention to whether or not they’ve started ignoring you.
Has your narcissistic partner or narcissistic friend stopped replying to your texts and calls? They only text or call you back if they need something from you, whether it’s sex, money, or an ego boost. We all know why; you’re not someone they need anymore. [Read: Why do narcissists ignore texts and do the selfish things they do]
5. They’re unnecessarily cruel towards you without reason, over a longer period of time
You didn’t do anything wrong, and even if you did, their actions are inflated. They use common strategies to push you down. They’ll gaslight you, withhold information from you, do smear campaigns and spread harmful gossip about you to essentially try to ruin you as a person.
6. You have a sense of negativity flowing from them to you
Before, they would flatter you with compliments, but now, you’re a burden to them. So, they let themselves go and point out your character flaws. You were once seen as smart, but now you’re cunning and hawkish. The traits you thought they liked about you are used against you. [Read: The narcissistic victim syndrome and how to find your way out of this mess]
Okay, so you’re probably having a hard time recognizing whether or not a narcissist is finished with you because they don’t end relationships in a traditional manner. They’re not going to tell you it’s over. They’ll just disappear and pop back up when their other plans didn’t work out.
8. They don’t try to “hoover”
Usually, a narcissist will hoover over you, bombarding you with the promise of love and affection until you’re back into their web. This is a common tactic they use. But, when a narcissist is over you, they’re not going to hoover. This is a clear sign that you’re no longer of interest to them. [Read: What is hoovering? The games narcissists play to suck you in]
9. You become a threat to them
Before, you were seen as a useful tool. But now your qualities and achievements are seen as a threat. If anything, you’re reminding them of their lack of success, and that can’t happen. This perceived threat is a sign they need to move on and find someone less than them.
10. They’re extremely moody, even more so than before
One minute they’re calm and collected, the other minute they’re angry and bitter. And these extreme mood changes are caused by unrest in their souls. They’re deeply damaged individuals and are constantly fighting with themselves. And this moodiness is a sign they need to move on. [Read: Attention seeking behavior and why some people go looking for drama]
11. They’ve updated themselves
One day they were wearing jeans and a t-shirt, the next day they’re coming in with a new haircut and suit. By revamping their image, they’re preparing themselves for the next person. You can’t look like a bum when trying to find someone new to torture.
12. They’re just not present
Before, you could talk to them and they’d be able to have a conversation with you. I mean, at least pretend to have one. But now they’re no longer present in any interaction with you. And if they are present, they’re speaking in a way to degrade and manipulate you. [Read: Narcissistic abuse: 16 subtle signs a narcissist is abusing you]
Once you’ve learnt how to know if a narcissist is finished wth you – Dealing with the aftermath
Now you know how to know if a narcissist is finished with you, you’re probably wondering what comes next. Trust me, I know you’re going to be upset and heartbroken. Despite the abuse you’re regularly put through, you love this person. You might not even recognize that what you’re dealing with abuse but believe me, it is.
While it feels rough right now, it’s actually a blessing in disguise. There is no happy ending when it comes to a relationship with a narcissist. It’s only going to end with you being subjected to more and more abuse, to the point where you don’t recognize yourself anymore. There is no happily ever after here. You deserve so much more, and if your partner is showing the signs that they’re moving on, take a breath, take the time to heal, and know that in the end, they did you a favor. Lean upon your friends and family for support and take each day as it comes. Before you know it, you’ll be happier, healthier, and far more positive than ever before.
[Read: How to make a narcissist regret ever leaving you]
If you’ve been pulling out your hair, getting the courage to end the relationship, well, maybe you don’t have to. If you’ve been wondering how to know a narcissist is finished with you, and you see these signs, they’ve done the hard work for you by moving onto their next victim.
